On average, the duration of an emotion moving through the body is around 90 seconds in its purest form. Like water moving through a hose, the water/emotion/energy arrives and wants to move. When it doesn’t move it creates build up. When in public spaces, work, etc., connect to your breath to regulate and be sure to schedule time with yourself to move this energy later.

It’s not about feeling it, getting stuck in it, and throwing you off track. It’s here to help move energy, clear your channel, and strengthen your resilience. The reason we suffer is because we aren’t willing to feel most of what arrives and if/when we do, we get stuck in the story of it (the mind) rather than the sense (the body).

The reference to 90 seconds comes from neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor, who explains that when we experience an emotion, the chemical process triggered — such as a surge of adrenaline or cortisol — lasts about a minute and a half! I say this excitingly because I’ve sat in my “stuff” for years, or I’d avoid it. The relationship I have with healing shifted once I immersed myself in somatic work. I began to allow myself to feel more deeply and create safe spaces where I can feel the full feel. Feeling, for me, has always been scary because I’ve been very heightened since sliding out into the world, and I didn’t know how to hold these big emotions that seemed so heavy.

It didn’t feel safe to. I didn’t know what to do with the emotions that came up, so I tucked them away into a little backpack that turned into a very big backpack, and I carried it around with me throughout my life. Yet, these emotions are not meant to be held and carried with us as much as they need to be held by us — the part of ourselves that seemed too much before.

The conflict, or more so the space between feeling an emotion and suffering, arises from what happens after those 90 seconds — the inner-dialogue — and to be conscious of it. If we continue to dwell on the emotion, replay the situation in our minds (the story), or resist the feeling, we create suffering.

I have a long history of suffering, and I had a very challenging time choosing different because I thought I needed to feel this way to feel it through. But it was the story I was at war with and found myself looping and emotionally drained.

Story versus sense: The emotion can feel heavy or burning, textured, etc., whereas the story is the story. What is the story that’s running in your mind that’s like a whisper in the background directing your life? Notice the tone of the voice/thoughts, and when it’s loud and shouting, etc., it’s the ego in panic.

Suffering isn’t a prerequisite for happiness.

Overall, the suffering stems from attachment to the story or resistance to the emotion, rather than allowing it to pass through. Feeling emotions means fully acknowledging, accepting, and experiencing them without judgment — with your witness on and redirecting your focus, setting boundaries and an intention when feeling an emotion through — while suffering is when we suppress or cling to those emotions with the story running.

Emotions are temporary — and it’s important to create a safe space for yourself to fully experience your human experience — welcoming in emotions and parts of yourself as you come into wholeness. As long as you want any type of intimate relationship, feeling is required — the pleasure, the pain, all of it, the full range — not suffering.

The nervous system and our body’s reactions hold onto experiences — whether joyful, pleasurable, or painful — in similar ways. This is due to emotional and physical blockages that form from past trauma or unprocessed emotions, which get stored in the body. Through somatic work, these stuck energies are released and with that space now available, both pleasure and pain can be fully experienced, witnessed, and released. By staying present with these emotions rather than dragging them along with you, people can free themselves from the grip of suffering tied to both pleasurable and painful experiences.

This isn’t easy. It also doesn’t have to be hard with loving support. You are becoming the holder of your life, and what’s needed is your willingness to explore — your curiosity alongside your witness being on is enough. It’s not personal; it’s the sovereign path — the spiritual evolution and journey you are on. May this find you and reach you — 

to remind you of who you really are. 

Take A Moment

A moment in silence invites you into the relationship that you have with silence. It invites you into the relationship that you have with yourself. It is an invitation for you to connect to the part of you that is seeking your attention — your guidance and holding. It offers you space to see between each blink so you can see more clearly; the space between each breath, sentence, and story. It offers you space to connect more clearly and to hear your own voice; not listening to what you can hear with your ears, yet what you can feel in your heart.

She’s sharp, witty, gutsy — the coach you wish you had. Shelley Zalis started a company, sold it for $80 million, and then went into the business of equality. Here’s why.

Real Leaders: You worked in media, research, and marketing, and you founded successful companies before you shifted your focus to the business of equality. Was there a specific life event that led to this shift?

Zalis: I pioneered online research — so if you’ve ever taken a crappy survey on the internet, I’m sorry, not sorry, because that was me. And I built that research company into a big success. We were profiled in some high-profile media, and my former statistics professor read an article and called me up and said, “How is that possible? You were terrible at statistics.” But I actually mastered how to tell stories from data. It’s all about storytelling. That’s how marketers use research. Before we hung up, I asked my professor if he’d like me to do a guest spot in his class. I told him I’d be happy to rescue his students, and we had a good laugh. That’s the feminine, by the way. Women are contextualizers and storytellers. Men are linear and analytic.

RL: Why did you start The Female Quotient?

Zalis: I was the only female CEO in the top 25 market research firms. While it felt isolating, it didn’t stop me — it motivated me. After I sold my company, I realized it was time to give back and create the support I wish I’d had throughout my career: girlfriends in business. At that time, there were so few women at the top, and we often competed with each other for limited spaces. I’m not going to pass that down to other generations of women. I wanted to shift that scarcity mindset to one of collaboration, where there’s room for all women to rise together. I also wanted to rewrite the workplace rules, which were written over 100 years ago by men for men. I was tired of being the exception — I wanted to help set a new standard.

RL: Were you able to preserve the culture of what you had built?

Zalis: When I sold my company, I had 250 employees operating in six cities and an incredible culture. Overnight, we became a publicly traded company of 16,000 employees. So now I’m sitting on the board of a publicly traded French company — 23 men and two women. I had just sold my company and given them a five-year commitment — and we’re talking about my employees and integrating my beautiful little company into their organization. The new executives are discussing my team as if they were chess pieces, and here I am with tears coming down my face.

After the meeting I was pulled aside and told there’s no room for emotion in the boardroom. So I had two options: One, agree — that’s what your head says you should do, your cognitive reasoning. The other option is what I call a heartbeat moment, where you follow your heart — and that is how all my best decisions have been made. My heart knew that was wrong, and I made the decision to speak up. That’s when I began publicly advocating for empathy in leadership. Emotion, compassion, empathy, and genuine care should have a place in leadership. That experience solidified my belief that leadership must evolve.

RL: Why is empathy so important in business?

Zalis: Empathy is the heart of leadership. Without it, you can’t connect with or inspire your team. After that boardroom experience, I realized that my next focus was going to be on changing the gender equation and closing the gap. Empathy is at the core of this mission. We need companies that have equality in their DNA and CEOs with empathy, and both of those things are truly missing. When I received an invitation to the World Economic Forum, it came with the disclaimer, “We want you to come, but you might not feel welcome.”

Wow. My head said, “Who wants to go to a place you might not feel welcome?” My heart said, “You have to go.” At what point do we take the responsibility to break a pattern? How do you change the status quo at the World Economic Forum? Gender equality wasn’t on the agenda, so I decided to bring it there.

That’s why I founded The Female Quotient — to create spaces where women feel seen, valued, and equal, even in the most male-dominated environments. We bring together leaders — both men and women — who understand that conscious leadership isn’t about gender; it’s about choice. Once you’re conscious of inequality, you have a choice: act or don’t. We bring together leaders who choose to act. Conscious leaders recognize their influence and use it to drive equality, proving that change begins with intentional decisions. 

I had no idea if it was going to work, but it did. It is amazing when you follow your heart and you bring something to the world that is filling a need. I did it because it was something I wish I had had as a female CEO.

The Female Quotient focuses on three things: We have The Equality Lounges, which are experiences at pretty much every industry conference across 30 categories from cybersecurity, technology, and finance to sports, music, and entertainment. Our content and social media struck such a chord that we grew to 6 million women in business following us, so now we’re one of the fastest-growing media businesses. And the third area is transformational thought leadership.

RL: What kind of thought leadership?

Zalis: The World Economic Forum estimates it will take 131 years to close the gender gap. Why should it take 131 years? We’ve achieved the “impossible” before — it took 10 years to send people to the moon, and we created pandemic vaccines in record time — so why not gender equality? Gender equality is a human-made problem. In fact, it is the only one of the UN’s 17 global goals that a CEO can achieve in the lifetime of their leadership. They can’t fix climate, they can’t fix hunger, they can’t fix education, but they can actually close the gender gap in their workplace. It’s the only legacy they can leave in the lifetime of their leadership. 

At The Female Quotient, we call this the Flipping Point. We are partnering with Fortune 500 companies to tackle gaps in workforce, leadership, pay, care, data, and procurement. Companies take intentional, measurable steps to close the gender gap in just five years — “flip it in five,” we like to say. It’s not just a dream — it’s a commitment. All it requires is intentional action for change and a conscious mindset and prioritization. Good CEOs don’t want to leave the pay gap data sitting on their shelves. Equality is possible if you want it. 

RL: What can fixing the gender gap actually do for a company?

Zalis: We call it the business of equality. It’s about closing the gender gap in the workplace, not as a “nice-to-have,” but as a business imperative. Equality impacts everything — from talent attraction to market success. Today, CEOs know that equality is essential for sustainable growth and innovation. Equality isn’t an option; it’s a necessity. The business of equality is good for business. CEOs must be accountable and responsible for equality.

RL: How did most companies receive that message 10 years ago?

Zalis: Women are labeled as too aggressive and too pushy and too assertive, and everyone’s always trying to fix the women. Stop trying to fix it. We’re not broken. Why is it that women are the ones always getting the leadership training? Men don’t get leadership training — they get management training. We should all get management training.

Women subconsciously are like, “Oh, I’m not a good leader because they say I need leadership training.” And the men are thinking with bravado, “We don’t need leadership training because we’re not getting it. So we’re the leaders and they’re the followers because they need the leadership training.” For 10 years I’ve been in the business of equality, but first I had to get women to support women.

It’s OK to own your passion, your compassion, your empathy. Own it. You’re not too aggressive, you are just passionate. When you have tears coming down your face, it’s not because you’re weak. It’s because you care, and caring is a good thing. You don’t have to hide that.

RL: Do you think the leadership training for women sometimes falls under the guise of a company saying, “Look what we’re doing for women?”

Zalis: Yes, but everyone should get leadership training, and everyone should get management training. Whoever needs it should get it, but it tends to be only the women getting it, so that’s a stereotype.

RL: What are the non-negotiable qualities that a real leader must have?

Zalis: Compassion, empathy, collaboration, kindness, support. Real leaders tend to eat last. They push people up. They listen to hear. I hire for passion, train for skill.

RL: What are your thoughts about female empowerment?

Zalis: I recently wrote an article and posted it on LinkedIn, and it went viral. It was about getting rid of the word empower. I realized that we talk a lot about female empowerment, but you never hear about male empowerment. You talk about empowered women, but you never hear about empowered men. And if you actually look up the word empower, it means someone gives you power. Why do women have imposter syndrome? We have always been waiting for someone to give us permission, for someone to give us a seat at the table, for someone to give us that voice. We’re always waiting. We’re always waiting for what? We’ve always had power within us. Men have not been waiting for anything. They’ve taken it, they’ve used it, they’ve owned it. 

Let’s create a new word: We are not empowered; we are “inpowered.” Let’s stop waiting for a permission slip to do things. It’s about women recognizing their inherent strength and using it unapologetically. We don’t need male allies — we need leadership allies — people in power who value equality and act on it. 

I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman — if you’re in a position of power, use it. We don’t need to take power from men to give it to women. We can all have it. We just use it differently. There’s the masculine and the feminine. And by the way, plenty of men have the feminine, plenty of women have the masculine. I don’t call them soft powers. I call them essential, critical skills. Empathy, compassion, and passion are critical skills. They are strengths.

RL: You were one of the creators of the “See It Be It” movement in media. How does what we see in the media impact female emerging leaders?

Zalis: Media shapes how we see ourselves and each other. During the Paris Olympics, despite achieving gender parity among athletes, the only ad in the Opening Ceremony showed only men and male athletes — even though women were the stars and also brought home more medals. These aren’t minor oversights; they send powerful messages about who deserves recognition. We work with companies to address these biases constructively, making intentional changes to reflect equality. After I sold my company for $80 million, The New York Times ran the story on the front page — but in the Style section, not Business. If I were a man, where would the story have been? I want to change that narrative for all women.

RL: Would you agree that some gender balance issues are unintentional or a result of ignorance?

Zalis: There’s not always some agenda behind it. It may be sloppy work. It may be thoughtless.The most important thing is first to make people aware. I’ll make you aware, but I’ll do it quietly. Once you’re aware, you have a choice to do something or not, but I’ll first give people the benefit of the doubt and then make them conscious of the imbalance.

RL: You call yourself the chief troublemaker. What is your favorite kind of trouble?

Zalis: I break the rules. Old patterns need to be broken to change the equation and close the gender gap. I left the traditional workplace because the rules didn’t work for me; I was tired of being the exception. I believe that if you create rules that work for the exceptions, they’ll work for everyone. Lived experience is key to understanding how to create these rules — it’s not in a textbook. I disrupt norms, challenge patterns, and set new standards so we can all thrive at home and work. It’s not about causing trouble; it’s about creating progress.

RL: Looking back, is there anything you’d do differently? Any advice you’d give to others?

Zalis: Follow your heart. I am 62, and I actually think I’m at the best part of my life  — I really do. This is such a great chapter. Every chapter is a new chapter. I don’t think that 60 is the new 40, or whatever people say. 60 is 60. I think I’m better than I’ve ever been. Be ageless. Live life with no regrets. Age is a mindset. Live at the moment. I’m bold and getting bolder.

I want to look back and know I tried everything I believed in. My advice is simple: Take risks. Don’t let fear of failure hold you back. Every movement I’ve started came from a risk I was willing to take. Age is just a mindset. Whether you’re 20 or 60, it’s about having the courage to follow your heart and pursue what matters most. The best is yet to come. 

Here are five ways to create an ecosystem of innovation and responsibility that endures well beyond your own tenure.

By Eric Edwards, MD, PhD

As the CEO of Phlow Corp., one of the first U.S.-based pharmaceutical manufacturers to earn B Corporation™ certification, I’ve seen firsthand that servant leadership isn’t just essential for the pharmaceutical sector — it’s a transformative model that can elevate any industry. In today’s interconnected and unpredictable world, leadership isn’t measured by profit alone but by the ability to protect and uplift the lives of those we serve. In our business, this means not only saving lives but also having the courage to focus on tough challenges with new business models that move beyond the status quo. Leaders can tap into a servant leadership mindset in any industry when we go about our work with the goal of pursuing a higher purpose — one that strengthens communities, fosters innovation, and fuels sustainable growth.

1. Lead with Purpose, Not Just Profit

At Phlow our B Corp certification reinforces our belief that business can be used as a force for good. The public good Phlow is creating is measured by our ability to improve access to and availability of domestically produced, high-quality pharmaceuticals and active pharmaceutical ingredients through advanced manufacturing and environmentally friendly manufacturing processes. This includes focusing on our most vulnerable patient populations. For example, we built one of the nation’s leading coalition of children’s hospitals focused on solving pediatric drug shortages and working to supply medicines that most of our industry had left behind due to the lack of economic incentives. Regardless of the industry, leading with purpose ensures your organization thrives while improving lives. In our case, it’s about something even more fundamental: ensuring the health of our nation by reshoring the production of life-saving medicines and ensuring they are made affordably and reliably.

2. Serve First, Lead Second

Servant leadership reverses the traditional power dynamic, putting the needs of others above personal gain. Whether I’m in the boardroom or on the frontlines as a doctor and volunteer paramedic — a role I’ve held for over two decades — I’ve learned that true leadership is about empowering those around you. By taking bold steps to focus on your team’s growth and well-being, you create a ripple effect that drives innovation and success throughout the organization. Across industries, the leader’s role is to serve first, enabling others to achieve more than they thought possible.

3. Build Resilient, Transparent Systems

Resilience is essential. At Phlow, we’re reimagining the domestic production of critical medicines — including how they are protected for a future public health emergency — by building and operationalizing America’s first Strategic Active Pharmaceutical Ingredient Reserve —  a stockpile of critical medicine ingredients that can be deployed during a future public health emergency. Whether you’re managing a global supply chain or a small team, transparency and resilience are foundational to success. In a world constantly facing disruption, leaders must boldly design systems that can withstand crises, mitigate risk, and ensure continuity for the communities they serve. At Phlow, this isn’t just about business — it’s a matter of national security and ensuring the medicines America depends on are always available, especially in times of crisis.

4. Innovate with Impact

Innovation isn’t just about developing new technologies or products — it’s about addressing urgent problems with a focus on people. For us, we have been focusing on leveraging advanced pharmaceutical development approaches, including cutting-edge, continuous-flow chemistry to make pharmaceutical manufacturing more efficient and sustainable. The true value of innovation lies in how it impacts people’s lives. Leaders in every industry can create lasting change by centering their innovations around improving the human condition.

5. Never Stop Mentoring and Empowering Future Leaders

A leader’s legacy is measured by the people they inspire. Whether at Phlow or through my work volunteering on medical mission trips or training paramedics at my local rescue squad, I view leadership as an opportunity to mentor and empower the next generation. Across all industries, it’s crucial to foster a culture where employees are not only valued but nurtured to become leaders themselves. By boldly investing in the growth of others, you create an ecosystem of innovation and responsibility that endures well beyond your own tenure. As leaders, our missions should extend beyond our walls by developing future leaders and critical thinkers.

The Path Forward

In today’s ever-changing world, consider focusing on more than achieving success. Focus on significance and leaving behind a legacy of meaningful, positive impact. For those who seek to transform and are restless about finding a way to make a difference, serving others is the way forward — whether you’re serving your team, your community, or your nation. 

The change leader’s role is to bring resistance into the light of day.

We often think of a change with a beginning and eventually an end. We have decided on our new destination and that at some point, we’ll be “done.” But change is coming at us too fast, and the pace of continuous change is having an effect. GlobeScan’s 2024 global public opinion research shows that nearly 8 in 10 people worldwide (78%) believe “the world is changing too quickly for me.”  This pace of change is especially true for business leaders. In Accenture’s 2024 Pulse of Change Index, business leaders believe they faced an all-time high rate of change in 2023 and expect it to accelerate even more this year.

One destination becomes the next and the next. The change never ends. This reality of continuous non-linear change requires modern change leaders who can guide others forward in these circumstances. Changes move organically through people, but no longer because of a well-defined hierarchy or a structured process. As Niels Pflaeging puts it, “Milk in coffee is a more helpful metaphor than the widespread notion of seeing change as a journey from here to there.”

Historically, leadership programs have been built on authority “leading the charge” and having all the answers. These classic leadership behaviors have been instilled in us since the early 1900s with the introduction of mass production bound by machines and interchangeable people. Leading a change today couldn’t be more different.

At a recent workshop, a leader explained that his team was going through a major change in their communication approach with customers. Customer needs differed by product and service, so this change was complex and inconsistent. He shared that he was the sole leader and spokesperson at their update meetings and didn’t allow time for questions or discussion. He wanted to give clear direction on every step because of the group’s uncertainty – but he often didn’t know enough to provide the best guidance. As a result, his team didn’t trust that he understood the issues and knew the right answers. He said he had to learn that many of his instincts about “being in charge” were getting in his way.

Influential change leaders ask questions and listen more because having all the answers in changing circumstances is no longer possible. They let others have a hand in achieving goals. They don’t evaluate so quickly, so new ideas feel too risky to share. They avoid becoming the “fixer.” The change leader’s role is to ensure the conditions for change and evolution exist.

What About Resistance? 

Inviting others to be part of the change will always bring resistance and skepticism because the status quo is extremely powerful — even if unspoken. It is no longer the change leader’s job to squash skepticism or quickly “get everyone on board.” The command of the “train is leaving the station with or without you” will no longer bring the outcome you want. You want to know what the resistance is and what to make of it.

Rather than thinking of initial resistance as an obstacle, reframe it as a treasure trove of information you can learn from. Rather than burying it, accept and embrace it; otherwise, you may miss an insight that would make a real difference or understand a problem that would have surfaced later. You may discover the team needs a skill set they don’t have today, or there is simply a lack of understanding. You can’t create the right conditions for change if you don’t fully understand where you are.

Bring the resistance into the light of day. Ask for ideas and solutions. Let everyone know you expect recommendations rather than just a list of problems. Welcome these ideas and recommendations — and then listen.

One of my clients set the tone for bringing resistance in the open by always asking her team what they were concerned might go wrong — and then patiently waiting for their answers. By assuming there was resistance, she embraced it and welcomed it into the room.

Conflicting objectives and views need a framework for progress so you don’t hit a stall. Holacracy uses a concept called a “tension” — acknowledging a distance between things as they are today and how they could be. A tension isn’t good or bad, but simply a gap. Tensions are openly explored, and everyone is expected to voice their tensions.

Ask a few basic questions to address resistance or discuss tensions:

• What is your tension? How does it show up?
• What do you recommend we try? What is the first step?
• Who needs to be involved? What must their commitment be?
• How long will this action take to try an experiment or an alternate approach?
• How will we act upon these learnings and new information?
  
  

These answers can lead to new experiments, options, or a new direction that will enable the change.

And remember: Your role is to create the conditions for change. People will change when they are ready and know how to change. Your role is to make it easier.