5 Ways to Find Your Personal Leadership Brand

Posted on by Will Marre

What if your life had a purpose… a particular purpose? There are almost 7.5 billion individuals alive right now. As far as I know, there are no duplicates.

So, what if you were unique because you could make a difference that no one else can? What if you could make your difference every day, if you were simply aware of what your difference is and looked at life as one giant opportunity to matter?

We know from decades of social research that people who adopt the view that life has a personal purpose are happier, healthier, live longer, experience less stress and have better relationships than people who stumble through life believing that they will find joy and satisfaction by achieving a never-ending succession of goals. Of course, we have no absolute way of knowing that life is purposeful but we do know that this belief leads to greater happiness than choosing to believe life is meaningless.

If you like this, subscribe here for more stories that Inspire The Future.

It’s true, we actually know the human mindset that produces self-respect and contentment. We also know what behaviors produce both inner joy and enjoyment of our outside world. But we have a major problem and it is this:

Our brain is in a constant wrestling match with primal urges and loud, insistent advice from people who claim to know what we should do.

Famed psychologist Jonathan Haidt describes a simple way to look at this inner battle for our identity. Imagine yourself holding the reins of a large carriage lead by two powerful horses. One horse is named Fears, the other horse is named Desires. These horses are very powerful and hate having bits in their mouths. They want to run wild but you know if they do your carriage is likely to end up tipped over in a ditch.

There is also a backseat in this carriage and it is filled with people you respect and love or have held authority in your life. Parents, teachers, coaches, friends, pastors and gurus are all yelling at you. They’re screaming at you, telling you both where to go and how to get there safely. There’s also one more distraction. You are guiding your carriage in a very modern world in which along roadsides, there are large video screens with very distracting messages. Most of them are telling you to turn at the next fork in the road to get to a new destination or buy something that the people on the video are sure you want.

The further you travel, the more you come to realize three things:

First, that the horses of Fear and Desire must be controlled or you will surely tip over. Second, the people yelling instructions may mean well, but they don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

Third, the powerful messages broadcast from the roadside video boards are irrelevant, distracting and misleading. Following their directions will definitely take you in the wrong direction.

So, to find the self-respect we long for and fulfill the purpose we hope for, we must discover our deeper identity. We must become aware of who we are separate from our roles, our goals, our jobs, our achievements, our feelings, our current beliefs, our tribes. All these things are temporary. All these things can change. However, we have to find out if there is anything deeper? Do we have an “essential” self that wants to take the reins of our life?

That is the question that I try to help leaders answer. It is the most basic question of all:

Why do you want to lead?

What difference do you want to make? Are you a leader simply because you’re ambitious, want to make money, seek power, seek validation or is there something deeper?

I’ve become very aware of peoples’ inner voices as I have coached leaders to become more influential. It is terribly difficult to tear yourself away from the opinions of powerful others and our own inner goblins. But there is no other way to be the best version of you.

Here’s a process I take people through to find their inner voice and express their personal brand.

Learn To Engender Trust

Social research is clear that people who engender trust in others are the most personally fulfilled and most effective with others. Trust is primarily engendered by being authentic, pro-social and competent. Pro-social means that you are an advocate for the betterment of others. It is difficult for leaders of large organizations to be either authentic or pro-social today. That’s because Wall Street investors care nothing about either quality. In fact, they often admire leaders who are mercenary and willing to do whatever it takes to make money in the short term. I’ve been fortunate to work with many courageous leaders who figure out how to financially excel by being pro-social with their customers and employees. It’s possible to resist the corruption of your inner integrity, but I can attest it takes continuous clarity and strength. So I ask clients, “Are you ready to be authentic?” “Do you intrinsically care about maximizing the positive impact you have on the lives of others?” (And yes, some leaders have actually told me they don’t care about either.)

Discover Your Design
What are your motivated talents? I have observed that WHAT we are “designed” to succeed at, fulfills our higher self. By designed I simply mean that there are things you naturally do very well that you enjoy. When you find this intersection of talent and enjoyment, you have found a talent that is a gift to others as well as a personal success path. (It is important to understand that we all enjoy doing things that we’re not particularly talented at. Singing is a good example for me. We are also competent at many things that we don’t particularly enjoy doing.)

Find Work That You Intrinsically Value
What work do you intrinsically value?  If all jobs paid the same what job would you want? When you discover work that intrinsically engages you will much more easily pay the price to learn what you need to learn to do the job with excellence.

Discover Your Strengthens And Capitalize On Them
What are your character strengths (take this assessment to find out)? These are things like curiosity, attention to detail, empathy, practical thinking, and a host of habitual personal tools you use better than the average person to solve problems or seize opportunities. The most critical advice I give about personal strengths is that no one gets to live their life only doing things that capitalize on their strengths.

For instance, my daughter Natassia, had to overcome her weaknesses, math and science, to become a high-risk baby nurse (NICU). One of her greatest strengths is a combination of empathy and observing detail. This natural ability of focused attention makes her an extraordinary nurse. But she also had to address her weaknesses in academic science in order to get the chance to do what she does best. She used both her social intelligence and attention to detail to get through her dreaded but unavoidable science classes. That’s how it is for all of us. We have to figure out a way to use what we are good at to also do what we are not good at.

Express Your Leadership Brand
Express your purpose.  Some people call this your personal brand. I call it your leadership brand. This is a way of telling others the value you bring to any challenge or opportunity.  It is the difference you are designed to make. Normally your brand will seem a bit fuzzy but as you observe yourself doing what you do best, your gift will become clearer, and the way in which you express it will become more powerful.

Here are some real examples:

  • I create clarity in confusing situations
  • I challenge the status quo using humor to put people at ease
  • I forge new paths by finding new solutions
  • I inspire and lead teams to achieve extraordinary results
  • I continuously create valued innovations
  • I reframe challenges into opportunities
  • I make people feel included and special
  • I inspire extraordinary commitment and effort
  • I heal pain and dissolve fear

As you look over this list. I want you to imagine having your own expression for what you do consistently, that produces the impact that you most value. As you become conscious of the core of your personal brand you will become bolder in expressing it in a wide variety of work and life situations.  When you do, you will be completely in charge of the carriage you are driving through the rutted roads of life.

The bottom line.

We all need to be leaders.

If good people with high purpose and pro-social values don’t lead, only people who cannot control their primal fears and desires will.

Lead your own life first. 

If you like this, subscribe here for more stories that Inspire The Future.

 

5 Ways to Find Your Personal Leadership Brand

Posted on by Real Leaders

What if your life had a purpose… a particular purpose? There are almost 7.5 billion individuals alive right now. As far as I know, there are no duplicates.

So, what if you were unique because you could make a difference that no one else can? What if you could make your difference every day, if you were simply aware of what your difference is and looked at life as one giant opportunity to matter?

We know from decades of social research that people who adopt the view that life has a personal purpose are happier, healthier, live longer, experience less stress and have better relationships than people who stumble through life believing that they will find joy and satisfaction by achieving a never-ending succession of goals. Of course, we have no absolute way of knowing that life is purposeful but we do know that this belief leads to greater happiness than choosing to believe life is meaningless.

If you like this, subscribe here for more stories that Inspire The Future.

It’s true, we actually know the human mindset that produces self-respect and contentment. We also know what behaviors produce both inner joy and enjoyment of our outside world. But we have a major problem and it is this:

Our brain is in a constant wrestling match with primal urges and loud, insistent advice from people who claim to know what we should do.

Famed psychologist Jonathan Haidt describes a simple way to look at this inner battle for our identity. Imagine yourself holding the reins of a large carriage lead by two powerful horses. One horse is named Fears, the other horse is named Desires. These horses are very powerful and hate having bits in their mouths. They want to run wild but you know if they do your carriage is likely to end up tipped over in a ditch.

There is also a backseat in this carriage and it is filled with people you respect and love or have held authority in your life. Parents, teachers, coaches, friends, pastors and gurus are all yelling at you. They’re screaming at you, telling you both where to go and how to get there safely. There’s also one more distraction. You are guiding your carriage in a very modern world in which along roadsides, there are large video screens with very distracting messages. Most of them are telling you to turn at the next fork in the road to get to a new destination or buy something that the people on the video are sure you want.

The further you travel, the more you come to realize three things:

First, that the horses of Fear and Desire must be controlled or you will surely tip over. Second, the people yelling instructions may mean well, but they don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

Third, the powerful messages broadcast from the roadside video boards are irrelevant, distracting and misleading. Following their directions will definitely take you in the wrong direction.

So, to find the self-respect we long for and fulfill the purpose we hope for, we must discover our deeper identity. We must become aware of who we are separate from our roles, our goals, our jobs, our achievements, our feelings, our current beliefs, our tribes. All these things are temporary. All these things can change. However, we have to find out if there is anything deeper? Do we have an “essential” self that wants to take the reins of our life?

That is the question that I try to help leaders answer. It is the most basic question of all:

Why do you want to lead?

What difference do you want to make? Are you a leader simply because you’re ambitious, want to make money, seek power, seek validation or is there something deeper?

I’ve become very aware of peoples’ inner voices as I have coached leaders to become more influential. It is terribly difficult to tear yourself away from the opinions of powerful others and our own inner goblins. But there is no other way to be the best version of you.

Here’s a process I take people through to find their inner voice and express their personal brand.

Learn To Engender Trust

Social research is clear that people who engender trust in others are the most personally fulfilled and most effective with others. Trust is primarily engendered by being authentic, pro-social and competent. Pro-social means that you are an advocate for the betterment of others. It is difficult for leaders of large organizations to be either authentic or pro-social today. That’s because Wall Street investors care nothing about either quality. In fact, they often admire leaders who are mercenary and willing to do whatever it takes to make money in the short term. I’ve been fortunate to work with many courageous leaders who figure out how to financially excel by being pro-social with their customers and employees. It’s possible to resist the corruption of your inner integrity, but I can attest it takes continuous clarity and strength. So I ask clients, “Are you ready to be authentic?” “Do you intrinsically care about maximizing the positive impact you have on the lives of others?” (And yes, some leaders have actually told me they don’t care about either.)

Discover Your Design
What are your motivated talents? I have observed that WHAT we are “designed” to succeed at, fulfills our higher self. By designed I simply mean that there are things you naturally do very well that you enjoy. When you find this intersection of talent and enjoyment, you have found a talent that is a gift to others as well as a personal success path. (It is important to understand that we all enjoy doing things that we’re not particularly talented at. Singing is a good example for me. We are also competent at many things that we don’t particularly enjoy doing.)

Find Work That You Intrinsically Value
What work do you intrinsically value?  If all jobs paid the same what job would you want? When you discover work that intrinsically engages you will much more easily pay the price to learn what you need to learn to do the job with excellence.

Discover Your Strengthens And Capitalize On Them
What are your character strengths (take this assessment to find out)? These are things like curiosity, attention to detail, empathy, practical thinking, and a host of habitual personal tools you use better than the average person to solve problems or seize opportunities. The most critical advice I give about personal strengths is that no one gets to live their life only doing things that capitalize on their strengths.

For instance, my daughter Natassia, had to overcome her weaknesses, math and science, to become a high-risk baby nurse (NICU). One of her greatest strengths is a combination of empathy and observing detail. This natural ability of focused attention makes her an extraordinary nurse. But she also had to address her weaknesses in academic science in order to get the chance to do what she does best. She used both her social intelligence and attention to detail to get through her dreaded but unavoidable science classes. That’s how it is for all of us. We have to figure out a way to use what we are good at to also do what we are not good at.

Express Your Leadership Brand
Express your purpose.  Some people call this your personal brand. I call it your leadership brand. This is a way of telling others the value you bring to any challenge or opportunity.  It is the difference you are designed to make. Normally your brand will seem a bit fuzzy but as you observe yourself doing what you do best, your gift will become clearer, and the way in which you express it will become more powerful.

Here are some real examples:

  • I create clarity in confusing situations
  • I challenge the status quo using humor to put people at ease
  • I forge new paths by finding new solutions
  • I inspire and lead teams to achieve extraordinary results
  • I continuously create valued innovations
  • I reframe challenges into opportunities
  • I make people feel included and special
  • I inspire extraordinary commitment and effort
  • I heal pain and dissolve fear

As you look over this list. I want you to imagine having your own expression for what you do consistently, that produces the impact that you most value. As you become conscious of the core of your personal brand you will become bolder in expressing it in a wide variety of work and life situations.  When you do, you will be completely in charge of the carriage you are driving through the rutted roads of life.

The bottom line.

We all need to be leaders.

If good people with high purpose and pro-social values don’t lead, only people who cannot control their primal fears and desires will.

Lead your own life first. 

If you like this, subscribe here for more stories that Inspire The Future.

 

Four Investments You Can Make Today to Increase Your Love Life

Posted on by Will Marre

You can’t do a good job, if your job is all you do. The aspiration for work-life balance is dead. It was killed by technology. If you want to be happy in life and happy in your primary love relationship…

Over the past two years with almost every Executive I coach and every audience I speak to, I hear that the aspiration for work-life balance is dead. It was killed by technology. What’s weird is that this fact is often presented with some chest beating… as if to say… work-life balance was for wimps all along… people with a serious work ethic never worry about work life balance.

Really?

I guess so. Sheryl Sandberg the guru of Leaning In writes, “The days of unplugging for a weekend or vacation are long gone.” Way to go Sheryl… sounds awesome.

Yet, sadly I find she is not kidding. Ten years ago, even the CEOs I coached had most weekends and evenings free of direct work, such as conference calls and decision-making meetings. That’s certainly not true today.  Today leaders are lucky to get a half of a Saturday or a half of a Sunday free of stressful meetings or real-time e-mails where decisions are being made.

And free evenings… yeah that’s a relic from an earlier age. Today most people go home and spend at least two more hours on the computer working. This new work routine is not confined to leaders. The combination of technology and massive projects is increasingly engaging managers and individual contributors in a trail of work that slithers through our lives like a hungry python night and day.

Is this it? Is this the best we can do? Is this the crowning achievement of our economy… that we all live work-centered lives?

If so, what is the cost?

Well, according to marriage experts at the University of Washington and the University of Virginia what we are sacrificing is our love lives. The biggest toll a work-centered life is having on us is increased feelings of social isolation and a lack of intrinsic connection with our loved ones. When we get too busy, love devolves into a concept rather than a feeling.

In this state of mind, we recognize that we love our romantic partners and children but we just don’t feel that love. We could write down on a yellow pad all the reasons we love our loved ones but we just don’t feel it. All words but no music.

Having the emotions of love evaporate from our lives is a ridiculous price to pay for work. A recent survey of 1,500 people over the age of 78 asking them what their biggest life regret was overwhelmingly confirmed it was one thing… staying too long in a job that was unfulfilling.

We also know that the happiest and healthiest people on earth are actively in love. In the hundreds of studies done on the causes of human happiness we know there is no greater mood elevator than being “crazy in love.”

We all know how goony people get when people fall in love. The thrill of emotional intimacy with someone you find fascinating, attractive and admirable sets off a brain circus of dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin that gives you a feeling of optimism, well-being and invincible confidence that is simply the best brain buzz ever.

The problem is this love fog does not last without continuous investment in the relationship similar to the investment you were willing to make when you were falling in love

So, just what are the investments you can make to increase the love in your life?

First of all, you have to have an IPO! Stay with me.  A few days ago I was talking to one of my favorite clients, Brad and Sheryl, who own a very successful high-tech consultancy. I have known them for nearly two decades. They’re married with three daughters and have always been crazy in love.  What I mean by that is that they have an Irrational Positive Opinion (IPO) about each other. When I talk to them separately they’re constantly bombarding me with how great the other one is. They refer to each other as brilliant and amazing. They brag about each other’s accomplishments. Hell, it’s like being married to a cheerleader.

So, are they really that great? Well no. They’re like all the rest of us… full of good stuff and not such good stuff. But they’re living proof of the research by John Gottman at the University of Washington that confirms that the happiest couples are those who hold and an irrational positive opinion of each other.  It turns out that when it comes to personal self-worth and interpersonal trust we don’t much value realists who point out our flaws and want us to change. That’s something a coach can do. What we want from our romantic partner is for them to be “crazy” about us… literally irrational about our wonderfulness.

If you want to be happy in life and happy in your primary love relationship launch an IPO. And keep investing so the stock of your relationship continuously rises.

Here are four critical investments that research confirms will keep the flames and the feelings of love burning.

1. Celebrate each other’s successes. Research tells us that making a big deal of small successes creates more trust and intimacy than comforting people when they’re struggling. The reason we think this is true is that amplifying good feelings has a bigger positive payoff than trying to reduce bad feelings.Here is a silly but true example. I am an old dude surfer and like all surfers we want to be admired for our surfing. I am quite sure that I am average for my age and experience, yet sometimes I get a good ride and some other surfer will give a hoot or say “nice wave.” When I get home, I never fail to tell Debbie of my small success. She insists that I then tell her about the details of the wave, gives me a hug and a kiss and makes me feel like I’m the greatest surfer on earth. She clearly holds an irrational positive opinion about my surfing that jacks me up with enough dopamine and oxytocin that it makes me want to actually move the furniture around so she can see how the room would look with a new arrangement.The key to celebrating each other’s success is to ask for the details of what your partner actually did. That’s what creates positive intimacy.

2. Help when it’s inconvenient. Talk is cheap, even love talk. A willingness to drop whatever you’re doing to help your loved one communicates how important their agenda is to you. You don’t have to do this one hundred percent of the time because sometimes what you were doing may greatly suffer from an interruption. However, if you’re willing to instantly respond most of the time your love stock will certainly rise. (It’s also important to help with routine tasks to avoid causing simmering resentments.  Only 20% of men are willing to do laundry and vacuuming regularly. So, if you want to be in the top 20% of male partners you know what to do!)

3. Plan positive experiences. Dating is all about planning positive experiences. We make careful choices about where we eat or what movies we see to make sure that our dating partner will be happy. We take great care in what we wear, how we smell and what we say. However, when our relationship ripens we often approach going out together with a question… “So, what do you want to do?” This means you did very little thinking about your time together… not good.

Planned positive experiences are critical to fanning the flames of love. That’s because we associate the positive feelings we get from the experience, like going to a sensational concert, or visiting a breath-taking National Park or exotic tropical island with the person we are with. New experiences also make us more interesting to each other. These experiences also create shared memories, which are strong positive bonds that sustain loving feelings when things get a little stale, dull or frustrating.

4. Love with your full presence every day. We know that the happiest couples spend at least 30 to 60 minutes a day in focused conversation with each other. I know…. that may seem like an impossibly high bar. But consider its possibilities. The greatest longing of the human heart is to be fully accepted by another. The most powerful way that we communicate this is to listen to a loved one without an agenda for them. This is difficult. When I am talking to Debbie I often have to remind myself that I just want her to be happy in the way she experiences happiness. It’s unnatural to listen without judgment. We justify having agendas for the people we love because we think we know how to help them… and sometimes we do. But remember our loved ones long for someone more than a coach. We all want to feel loved intrinsically. We want others to see our good and positive motives not just our less-than-perfect behavior.

The only way we can access the feelings of unconditional positive regard is to drop our agenda and just be present. Just listen with loving intention. All of this will be impossible unless you’re willing to unplug from both your job and the torrent of mostly irrelevant media that bombards us daily. (New research validates that peoples’ optimism and happiness rise when they quit Facebook or other Social Media Apps.) The primary reason seems to be that Facebook incites envy and social comparison causing an epidemic of inner emotional drama among Facebook users. If you think this doesn’t apply to you try a week-long Facebook fast and ask yourself if you’re less stressed and a little more happy.)

The bottom line is that love and intimacy take a daily investment of personal time. I’m convinced the good life is a combination of meaningful work performed at a reasonable rhythm that makes plenty of room for love-drenched relationships. No work success can substitute for love.

 

Four Investments You Can Make Today to Increase Your Love Life

Posted on by Real Leaders

You can’t do a good job, if your job is all you do. The aspiration for work-life balance is dead. It was killed by technology. If you want to be happy in life and happy in your primary love relationship…

Over the past two years with almost every Executive I coach and every audience I speak to, I hear that the aspiration for work-life balance is dead. It was killed by technology. What’s weird is that this fact is often presented with some chest beating… as if to say… work-life balance was for wimps all along… people with a serious work ethic never worry about work life balance.

Really?

I guess so. Sheryl Sandberg the guru of Leaning In writes, “The days of unplugging for a weekend or vacation are long gone.” Way to go Sheryl… sounds awesome.

Yet, sadly I find she is not kidding. Ten years ago, even the CEOs I coached had most weekends and evenings free of direct work, such as conference calls and decision-making meetings. That’s certainly not true today.  Today leaders are lucky to get a half of a Saturday or a half of a Sunday free of stressful meetings or real-time e-mails where decisions are being made.

And free evenings… yeah that’s a relic from an earlier age. Today most people go home and spend at least two more hours on the computer working. This new work routine is not confined to leaders. The combination of technology and massive projects is increasingly engaging managers and individual contributors in a trail of work that slithers through our lives like a hungry python night and day.

Is this it? Is this the best we can do? Is this the crowning achievement of our economy… that we all live work-centered lives?

If so, what is the cost?

Well, according to marriage experts at the University of Washington and the University of Virginia what we are sacrificing is our love lives. The biggest toll a work-centered life is having on us is increased feelings of social isolation and a lack of intrinsic connection with our loved ones. When we get too busy, love devolves into a concept rather than a feeling.

In this state of mind, we recognize that we love our romantic partners and children but we just don’t feel that love. We could write down on a yellow pad all the reasons we love our loved ones but we just don’t feel it. All words but no music.

Having the emotions of love evaporate from our lives is a ridiculous price to pay for work. A recent survey of 1,500 people over the age of 78 asking them what their biggest life regret was overwhelmingly confirmed it was one thing… staying too long in a job that was unfulfilling.

We also know that the happiest and healthiest people on earth are actively in love. In the hundreds of studies done on the causes of human happiness we know there is no greater mood elevator than being “crazy in love.”

We all know how goony people get when people fall in love. The thrill of emotional intimacy with someone you find fascinating, attractive and admirable sets off a brain circus of dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin that gives you a feeling of optimism, well-being and invincible confidence that is simply the best brain buzz ever.

The problem is this love fog does not last without continuous investment in the relationship similar to the investment you were willing to make when you were falling in love

So, just what are the investments you can make to increase the love in your life?

First of all, you have to have an IPO! Stay with me.  A few days ago I was talking to one of my favorite clients, Brad and Sheryl, who own a very successful high-tech consultancy. I have known them for nearly two decades. They’re married with three daughters and have always been crazy in love.  What I mean by that is that they have an Irrational Positive Opinion (IPO) about each other. When I talk to them separately they’re constantly bombarding me with how great the other one is. They refer to each other as brilliant and amazing. They brag about each other’s accomplishments. Hell, it’s like being married to a cheerleader.

So, are they really that great? Well no. They’re like all the rest of us… full of good stuff and not such good stuff. But they’re living proof of the research by John Gottman at the University of Washington that confirms that the happiest couples are those who hold and an irrational positive opinion of each other.  It turns out that when it comes to personal self-worth and interpersonal trust we don’t much value realists who point out our flaws and want us to change. That’s something a coach can do. What we want from our romantic partner is for them to be “crazy” about us… literally irrational about our wonderfulness.

If you want to be happy in life and happy in your primary love relationship launch an IPO. And keep investing so the stock of your relationship continuously rises.

Here are four critical investments that research confirms will keep the flames and the feelings of love burning.

1. Celebrate each other’s successes. Research tells us that making a big deal of small successes creates more trust and intimacy than comforting people when they’re struggling. The reason we think this is true is that amplifying good feelings has a bigger positive payoff than trying to reduce bad feelings.Here is a silly but true example. I am an old dude surfer and like all surfers we want to be admired for our surfing. I am quite sure that I am average for my age and experience, yet sometimes I get a good ride and some other surfer will give a hoot or say “nice wave.” When I get home, I never fail to tell Debbie of my small success. She insists that I then tell her about the details of the wave, gives me a hug and a kiss and makes me feel like I’m the greatest surfer on earth. She clearly holds an irrational positive opinion about my surfing that jacks me up with enough dopamine and oxytocin that it makes me want to actually move the furniture around so she can see how the room would look with a new arrangement.The key to celebrating each other’s success is to ask for the details of what your partner actually did. That’s what creates positive intimacy.

2. Help when it’s inconvenient. Talk is cheap, even love talk. A willingness to drop whatever you’re doing to help your loved one communicates how important their agenda is to you. You don’t have to do this one hundred percent of the time because sometimes what you were doing may greatly suffer from an interruption. However, if you’re willing to instantly respond most of the time your love stock will certainly rise. (It’s also important to help with routine tasks to avoid causing simmering resentments.  Only 20% of men are willing to do laundry and vacuuming regularly. So, if you want to be in the top 20% of male partners you know what to do!)

3. Plan positive experiences. Dating is all about planning positive experiences. We make careful choices about where we eat or what movies we see to make sure that our dating partner will be happy. We take great care in what we wear, how we smell and what we say. However, when our relationship ripens we often approach going out together with a question… “So, what do you want to do?” This means you did very little thinking about your time together… not good.

Planned positive experiences are critical to fanning the flames of love. That’s because we associate the positive feelings we get from the experience, like going to a sensational concert, or visiting a breath-taking National Park or exotic tropical island with the person we are with. New experiences also make us more interesting to each other. These experiences also create shared memories, which are strong positive bonds that sustain loving feelings when things get a little stale, dull or frustrating.

4. Love with your full presence every day. We know that the happiest couples spend at least 30 to 60 minutes a day in focused conversation with each other. I know…. that may seem like an impossibly high bar. But consider its possibilities. The greatest longing of the human heart is to be fully accepted by another. The most powerful way that we communicate this is to listen to a loved one without an agenda for them. This is difficult. When I am talking to Debbie I often have to remind myself that I just want her to be happy in the way she experiences happiness. It’s unnatural to listen without judgment. We justify having agendas for the people we love because we think we know how to help them… and sometimes we do. But remember our loved ones long for someone more than a coach. We all want to feel loved intrinsically. We want others to see our good and positive motives not just our less-than-perfect behavior.

The only way we can access the feelings of unconditional positive regard is to drop our agenda and just be present. Just listen with loving intention. All of this will be impossible unless you’re willing to unplug from both your job and the torrent of mostly irrelevant media that bombards us daily. (New research validates that peoples’ optimism and happiness rise when they quit Facebook or other Social Media Apps.) The primary reason seems to be that Facebook incites envy and social comparison causing an epidemic of inner emotional drama among Facebook users. If you think this doesn’t apply to you try a week-long Facebook fast and ask yourself if you’re less stressed and a little more happy.)

The bottom line is that love and intimacy take a daily investment of personal time. I’m convinced the good life is a combination of meaningful work performed at a reasonable rhythm that makes plenty of room for love-drenched relationships. No work success can substitute for love.

 

Mindfulness as a Path Toward Achieving The Global Goals

Posted on by Navi Radjou

The world is a beautiful place, but somehow it seems that humankind’s presence here has done more harm than good.

As a species, we kill other species and our own; we destroy natural habitats of wildlife, while mindlessly depleting our food supplies. Poverty and inequality plague us and have done so for decades. We are shooting ourselves in our own metaphorical feet… and the way we are moving, eating, consuming, and behaving is simply not sustainable.

For most of us, this is common knowledge. Even the United Nations, one of the world’s largest international organizations, has noted that things must change, and soon. It’s done this through the creation and promotion of the Sustainable Development Goals (aka. The Global Goals). 17 goals ranging from zero hunger to protecting life in our oceans, are nicely branded and shared widely as an aspiration for the United Nations to reach towards.

But, these goals are not for the institution of the United Nations alone. While they originate from the UN, they stem from a global survey, and I doubt that anyone would look at this list and think “Nope, we don’t need to work on any/all of this as humanity.” I think most people would look at these goals with a quiet recognition sounding more like “Oh yeah..we messed up pretty bad, didn’t we?”

The goals are actually for all of us.

Now, before we start to feel too guilty and wallow in the feelings that may inevitably arise when we look at these 17 boxes and contemplate the state of the world today (including the truly unnecessary stuff that’s out there, like the complex wars, battles for oil, and let’s not forget the questionable political tactics and fear-mongering of certain politicians) – we need to make an acknowledgment. We need to make a few:

Firstly, we created these problems.

Secondly, we are responsible for solving them, and ideally, as Albert Einstein once famously said, to not “solve problems with the same way of thinking that created them.”

Lastly, we need to recognize that we can, if we choose to, make positive steps towards achieving these goals, on a personal level. We don’t have to don a superhero cape and save the world on our own, either.

I can hear the questions already arising, and the resistance. “But I wasn’t responsible for the wars in the Middle East, why and how can I possibly help?” “But, I’m a vegan! I’m already doing my part..it’s all the other people who need to get on board.”

Stop it right there. Ego aside for a second, please. We live here. We affect the world around us. I think we need to accept that too. We are all in some way responsible for every single one of the earth’s ailments in one way or another. If not directly, then indirectly.

I am no exception, and I’m certainly not a saint. I can’t say I started the war in the Middle East directly. But you know what I didn’t do to prevent it? I didn’t write a letter to my government when Canada decided to go to war. I didn’t protest more than once. I didn’t blog about it. I watched TV and just added negative energy to an already awful situation and felt powerless. And also, there was that one time someone was in a rage arguing that we NEED to be in the Middle East, and I just had too much of all of it that I didn’t bother to muster up the energy to inform him that many of his views were based on false knowledge. I didn’t tell him there was a better way. I get ZERO brownie points for that – especially for someone who calls herself a peace practitioner.

But that’s a pretty big example. Let’s try something smaller. I don’t think I’m particularly responsible for climate change..but I am. Every time I drove my rusted old minivan given to me by my grandparents when I was younger, even though that exhaust was spewing garbage into the air, I was helping contribute to the depletion of the ozone layer. Every flight I fly on (and I fly quite a bit), I am adding to the supply and demand of airlines and flights, and through the use of airplanes contributing to the same depletion of the ozone layer. Do you know how much gas it takes for an airplane to fly? How much of that has to be pumped out of the earth, polluting our oceans along the way, to be able to sustain this thing we often righteously call the necessities and privileges of human life?

And guess what? We all do this stuff without thinking about it. When one of us does it, it’s not such a big problem. When many of us do it, repeatedly, and unconsciously- well, then we need the Sustainable Development Goals, a large world session of singing kumbaya, and a huge ocean and land clean up… and maybe some praying. Praying would probably help.

BUT, here’s the good news. Even though these goals and problems are massive, we can make our lifestyle changes to move the sliding scale in another direction.

They say:

“The devil’s in the details.”

“It’s the little things.”

“One drop in the ocean can raise the tide.”

All these potentially cheesy quotes have some serious truth behind them. We can make a small, subtle difference, every day, which through the ripple effect, and amplified effort can drastically shift our world in the right direction… towards any one of these goals.

If tomorrow we all woke up, and mindfully ate our breakfasts, choosing which brand of cereal we eat – and don’t choose the one that uses slave labour; if we choose to recycle the cardboard box, and reuse the plastic bag within it; or better yet, if we get our cereal at a local organic, ethical, food store where the cereal comes directly from a dispenser, and we put it into a reusable container, we skip the whole “trash” part of it altogether. If we all did this, what would happen to the cereal industry? To farming standards? To our landfills? Heck, what would happen to your body without all the toxins from generic cereal and to the amount of trash you have to take out weekly?

And your morning cereal is just one of the thousands of things you can choose to think about on a daily basis consciously. Just one! We have thousands of decisions to make throughout the day. Imagine what might happen to your life and the world if we slowed down for a moment and were more mindful, and present to make those decisions.*

So, here’s my challenge to you, and to me, and anyone else either of us may talk to: take a moment to be mindful about your decisions today, even if just one. Contemplate your breakfast, and its impact; or your choice of running shoe brand; or how full your trash can is and where that trash is going. And then, mindfully make a change. It can be small. But make it.

If we all tune in, act as mindfully as we can, imagine what a difference that can make.

In the mean time, I’m going to try to fly less, plant some trees, live with an open heart and mind, try to keep it minimal… and keep talking about this stuff, because to me, this world matters, and if I can make my small difference. I most definitely will.

I hope you’ll join me.

Mindfulness as a Path Toward Achieving The Global Goals

Posted on by Martina Buchal

The world is a beautiful place, but somehow it seems that humankind’s presence here has done more harm than good.

As a species, we kill other species and our own; we destroy natural habitats of wildlife, while mindlessly depleting our food supplies. Poverty and inequality plague us and have done so for decades. We are shooting ourselves in our own metaphorical feet… and the way we are moving, eating, consuming, and behaving is simply not sustainable.

For most of us, this is common knowledge. Even the United Nations, one of the world’s largest international organizations, has noted that things must change, and soon. It’s done this through the creation and promotion of the Sustainable Development Goals (aka. The Global Goals). 17 goals ranging from zero hunger to protecting life in our oceans, are nicely branded and shared widely as an aspiration for the United Nations to reach towards.

But, these goals are not for the institution of the United Nations alone. While they originate from the UN, they stem from a global survey, and I doubt that anyone would look at this list and think “Nope, we don’t need to work on any/all of this as humanity.” I think most people would look at these goals with a quiet recognition sounding more like “Oh yeah..we messed up pretty bad, didn’t we?”

The goals are actually for all of us.

Now, before we start to feel too guilty and wallow in the feelings that may inevitably arise when we look at these 17 boxes and contemplate the state of the world today (including the truly unnecessary stuff that’s out there, like the complex wars, battles for oil, and let’s not forget the questionable political tactics and fear-mongering of certain politicians) – we need to make an acknowledgment. We need to make a few:

Firstly, we created these problems.

Secondly, we are responsible for solving them, and ideally, as Albert Einstein once famously said, to not “solve problems with the same way of thinking that created them.”

Lastly, we need to recognize that we can, if we choose to, make positive steps towards achieving these goals, on a personal level. We don’t have to don a superhero cape and save the world on our own, either.

I can hear the questions already arising, and the resistance. “But I wasn’t responsible for the wars in the Middle East, why and how can I possibly help?” “But, I’m a vegan! I’m already doing my part..it’s all the other people who need to get on board.”

Stop it right there. Ego aside for a second, please. We live here. We affect the world around us. I think we need to accept that too. We are all in some way responsible for every single one of the earth’s ailments in one way or another. If not directly, then indirectly.

I am no exception, and I’m certainly not a saint. I can’t say I started the war in the Middle East directly. But you know what I didn’t do to prevent it? I didn’t write a letter to my government when Canada decided to go to war. I didn’t protest more than once. I didn’t blog about it. I watched TV and just added negative energy to an already awful situation and felt powerless. And also, there was that one time someone was in a rage arguing that we NEED to be in the Middle East, and I just had too much of all of it that I didn’t bother to muster up the energy to inform him that many of his views were based on false knowledge. I didn’t tell him there was a better way. I get ZERO brownie points for that – especially for someone who calls herself a peace practitioner.

But that’s a pretty big example. Let’s try something smaller. I don’t think I’m particularly responsible for climate change..but I am. Every time I drove my rusted old minivan given to me by my grandparents when I was younger, even though that exhaust was spewing garbage into the air, I was helping contribute to the depletion of the ozone layer. Every flight I fly on (and I fly quite a bit), I am adding to the supply and demand of airlines and flights, and through the use of airplanes contributing to the same depletion of the ozone layer. Do you know how much gas it takes for an airplane to fly? How much of that has to be pumped out of the earth, polluting our oceans along the way, to be able to sustain this thing we often righteously call the necessities and privileges of human life?

And guess what? We all do this stuff without thinking about it. When one of us does it, it’s not such a big problem. When many of us do it, repeatedly, and unconsciously- well, then we need the Sustainable Development Goals, a large world session of singing kumbaya, and a huge ocean and land clean up… and maybe some praying. Praying would probably help.

BUT, here’s the good news. Even though these goals and problems are massive, we can make our lifestyle changes to move the sliding scale in another direction.

They say:

“The devil’s in the details.”

“It’s the little things.”

“One drop in the ocean can raise the tide.”

All these potentially cheesy quotes have some serious truth behind them. We can make a small, subtle difference, every day, which through the ripple effect, and amplified effort can drastically shift our world in the right direction… towards any one of these goals.

If tomorrow we all woke up, and mindfully ate our breakfasts, choosing which brand of cereal we eat – and don’t choose the one that uses slave labour; if we choose to recycle the cardboard box, and reuse the plastic bag within it; or better yet, if we get our cereal at a local organic, ethical, food store where the cereal comes directly from a dispenser, and we put it into a reusable container, we skip the whole “trash” part of it altogether. If we all did this, what would happen to the cereal industry? To farming standards? To our landfills? Heck, what would happen to your body without all the toxins from generic cereal and to the amount of trash you have to take out weekly?

And your morning cereal is just one of the thousands of things you can choose to think about on a daily basis consciously. Just one! We have thousands of decisions to make throughout the day. Imagine what might happen to your life and the world if we slowed down for a moment and were more mindful, and present to make those decisions.*

So, here’s my challenge to you, and to me, and anyone else either of us may talk to: take a moment to be mindful about your decisions today, even if just one. Contemplate your breakfast, and its impact; or your choice of running shoe brand; or how full your trash can is and where that trash is going. And then, mindfully make a change. It can be small. But make it.

If we all tune in, act as mindfully as we can, imagine what a difference that can make.

In the mean time, I’m going to try to fly less, plant some trees, live with an open heart and mind, try to keep it minimal… and keep talking about this stuff, because to me, this world matters, and if I can make my small difference. I most definitely will.

I hope you’ll join me.

Transforming The Way The World Views Failure

Posted on by Real Leaders

Fear of failure is an epidemic that stifles human potential and it’s time we rethink it.

Whether stemming from a lack of confidence or negative past experiences, the effect of fear of failure can be immobilizing, stopping most people before they even get started.

Over the years, I’ve coached hundreds of clients from all over the globe. My clients have been entrepreneurs, executives, artists and filmmakers. What I’ve learned is that almost everyone experiences fear of failure, regardless of how successful or accomplished they may be.

The truth is that we all fail far more often than we succeed, but because we are conditioned to constantly project success, our failures often go unseen, doing more damage than good.

I believe projecting success while never recognizing failure only perpetuates fear of failure. I believe that life’s biggest lessons can come from some of life’s biggest failures.

I believe failure allows us the opportunity to practice humility and compassion while building resilience and wisdom.

I believe fear of failure is an epidemic that stifles human potential and this is my attempt to inoculate it.

We Fail Forward: The Podcast On A Mission To Transform The Way The world Views Failure

On the show, we interview massively successful entrepreneurs, innovators and changemakers about their biggest failures. Our goal is to uncover how those failures have contributed to their success, shaped who they’ve become YOU the listener to play bigger and fail forward.

Each guest submits a “Resume of Failures” used as interview prep and then published on the website.

You can check them and more out at: wefailforward.org

 

Transforming The Way The World Views Failure

Posted on by Rey Castellanos

Fear of failure is an epidemic that stifles human potential and it’s time we rethink it.

Whether stemming from a lack of confidence or negative past experiences, the effect of fear of failure can be immobilizing, stopping most people before they even get started.

Over the years, I’ve coached hundreds of clients from all over the globe. My clients have been entrepreneurs, executives, artists and filmmakers. What I’ve learned is that almost everyone experiences fear of failure, regardless of how successful or accomplished they may be.

The truth is that we all fail far more often than we succeed, but because we are conditioned to constantly project success, our failures often go unseen, doing more damage than good.

I believe projecting success while never recognizing failure only perpetuates fear of failure. I believe that life’s biggest lessons can come from some of life’s biggest failures.

I believe failure allows us the opportunity to practice humility and compassion while building resilience and wisdom.

I believe fear of failure is an epidemic that stifles human potential and this is my attempt to inoculate it.

We Fail Forward: The Podcast On A Mission To Transform The Way The world Views Failure

On the show, we interview massively successful entrepreneurs, innovators and changemakers about their biggest failures. Our goal is to uncover how those failures have contributed to their success, shaped who they’ve become YOU the listener to play bigger and fail forward.

Each guest submits a “Resume of Failures” used as interview prep and then published on the website.

You can check them and more out at: wefailforward.org

 

Some Thoughts on the Challenges of Leadership in the Digital Age

Posted on by Global Leaders Summit Series

Digitization brings about a new need for competent leadership. Today, we’ll take a look at the most dramatic changes.

Leadership in the digital age will be one of the defining themes of Global Female Leaders 2017. If you haven’t done so already, we invite you to take a look at our 2017 agenda in order to discover every highlight of this year’s event!

In the digital age, competent leadership may be the most important skill any company can cultivate. Because digitization changes companies. It changes working cultures and processes, customer behaviour and corporate communications. It also brings about a new need for, as well as new risks of corporate communications. Let’s just look at three of them!

Challenge 1: Digitization changes the working culture

It challenges employer-employee relationships.

This challenge has multiple facets. On the one hand, workers demand a digitized and modern work environment. In private, most of them use smartphones, social media and consumer electronics that fit their needs. Of course they want access to the most comfortable and hip devices at work, too. At the same time, employment changes too. We can see more and more freelancers, armed with laptops and Starbucks coffees, who will do project work and move on to the next job thereafter.

It challenges the way we communicate.

Digitization also changes the way we communicate. This goes especially for the younger generations who prefer text messages of meetings, but who also have new ideas on hierarchy and teamwork. This brings about a new potential for conflicts within an organization, since the expectations towards work can vary drastically between the members of the now four generations that work within most companies.

In essence, digitization diversifies the means of, expectations towards and ways to put into practice communications and work in general.

Challenge 2: Digitization changes customer behaviour and brings about the need to stay innovative

This is a big one! Similar to the expectations of employees, the expectations of customers are changing, too. Customers today are all about personalized products, about subscribing to platforms rather than buying commodities for good. They also want to talk their companies on Facebook and Twitter, read reviews on their products and chime in when they have ideas about product innovation.

This brings about the need for organisations to stay agile, innovative and fast. It brings about a new kind of competition, namely the race towards developing the most consumer-friendly business models and bringing them to market as fast as possible. Most of those are also data-driven and demand a high level of cooperation between the different units of organisation. Also, let’s not forget that many companies are forced to bring in new skills and know-how in order to branch out.

In essence, this puts pressure on old organizational structures, forces us to dissolve the boundaries between departments and change the way they work together.

Challenge 3: Digitization changes corporate communications

Employees as well as customers change how they interact with companies. And in turn, this changes corporate communications. It becomes more transparent and has to become more honest and open. Within this big shift leaders will have to adopt new strategies in order to guide their organizations towards a digital mindset.

Original Story: The Global Summit Series

 

Some Thoughts on the Challenges of Leadership in the Digital Age

Posted on by Shyla Day

Digitization brings about a new need for competent leadership. Today, we’ll take a look at the most dramatic changes.

Leadership in the digital age will be one of the defining themes of Global Female Leaders 2017. If you haven’t done so already, we invite you to take a look at our 2017 agenda in order to discover every highlight of this year’s event!

In the digital age, competent leadership may be the most important skill any company can cultivate. Because digitization changes companies. It changes working cultures and processes, customer behaviour and corporate communications. It also brings about a new need for, as well as new risks of corporate communications. Let’s just look at three of them!

Challenge 1: Digitization changes the working culture

It challenges employer-employee relationships.

This challenge has multiple facets. On the one hand, workers demand a digitized and modern work environment. In private, most of them use smartphones, social media and consumer electronics that fit their needs. Of course they want access to the most comfortable and hip devices at work, too. At the same time, employment changes too. We can see more and more freelancers, armed with laptops and Starbucks coffees, who will do project work and move on to the next job thereafter.

It challenges the way we communicate.

Digitization also changes the way we communicate. This goes especially for the younger generations who prefer text messages of meetings, but who also have new ideas on hierarchy and teamwork. This brings about a new potential for conflicts within an organization, since the expectations towards work can vary drastically between the members of the now four generations that work within most companies.

In essence, digitization diversifies the means of, expectations towards and ways to put into practice communications and work in general.

Challenge 2: Digitization changes customer behaviour and brings about the need to stay innovative

This is a big one! Similar to the expectations of employees, the expectations of customers are changing, too. Customers today are all about personalized products, about subscribing to platforms rather than buying commodities for good. They also want to talk their companies on Facebook and Twitter, read reviews on their products and chime in when they have ideas about product innovation.

This brings about the need for organisations to stay agile, innovative and fast. It brings about a new kind of competition, namely the race towards developing the most consumer-friendly business models and bringing them to market as fast as possible. Most of those are also data-driven and demand a high level of cooperation between the different units of organisation. Also, let’s not forget that many companies are forced to bring in new skills and know-how in order to branch out.

In essence, this puts pressure on old organizational structures, forces us to dissolve the boundaries between departments and change the way they work together.

Challenge 3: Digitization changes corporate communications

Employees as well as customers change how they interact with companies. And in turn, this changes corporate communications. It becomes more transparent and has to become more honest and open. Within this big shift leaders will have to adopt new strategies in order to guide their organizations towards a digital mindset.

Original Story: The Global Summit Series

 

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