I recently spoke at the Women in Technology Summit in Silicon Valley. My speech was entitled, “Why Women Need to Lead,” which focuses the data and evidence that women make superior leaders in volatile, disruptive environments where continuous innovation is essential to success.

I’m also promoting a new movement, A Million SMART Women aimed at empowering a worldwide community of new women leaders.It’s an exciting time as I’ve been working with innovative education partners to provide mass on-line and on-site education to ramp up our impact.

Here’s why.

For the past 22 years, WITI has honored women in technology by inducting five or six women every year who have made revolutionary contributions in technology and science in ways that improve our quality of life. Last night I witnessed the raw power of six women who are doing things ranging from creating human tissue to heal diseased organs to designing life-saving robots. What makes these women remarkable is not just their brains and grit, but also their motives.

As they passed on their success secrets to over a thousand young female brainiacs, each one spoke of love as being a prime motive for their tireless efforts. It was breathtakingly inspiring.

When I returned to my room and turned on the TV what I saw was an alternate reality. It is the world of the present. The world my generation of baby boomers created.

For the past 15 years, I have studied generational research.  It’s fascinating how peoples’ values and attitudes seem to be shaped powerfully by the times they grew up in. Let me be clear, there are a lot of exceptions to the stereotypes I am about to comment on, but what follows reflects my direct experience, as well as the research I have examined over these past 15 years.

OUR FUTURE IS IN BIG TROUBLE… BUT, THERE’S HOPE

I believe our future is in big trouble because baby boomers are in charge. My experience with my generation born between 1945 and 1965 is that they are colossally selfish. They’ve taken self-interest to new levels of self-justification fueled by the stupid-idiotic-immoral ideas of the pseudo-intellectual’s of the time like Ayn Rand, William Buckley and Milton Friedman.

Rand infected a generation of college students extolling the virtues of selfishness and the immorality of charity.

The ever-snooty Buckley spent years on television telling the Boomer generation that the traditional order of things, which included racism, embedded in Jim Crow laws, were all part of the divine order in which people who are successful deserved to be, and people who are poor were simply lazy or stupid.

Milton Friedman convinced the new generation of business leaders that the only purpose of business was to make wealth for the owners rather than value for customers, a good job for employees, and enhance local communities. His glorification of corrupt self-interest was so complete that he claimed it was irresponsible, immoral, and illegal for business leaders to use any business assets for any purpose other than maximizing immediate financial gains for stockholders.  

He promoted the idea that company managers have no obligation to restrain pollution, improve worker safety or product reliability beyond the minimum legal requirements. He also maintained that smart corporate leaders should influence lawmakers to minimize regulations, taxes and any restraints on the naked pursuit of economic gain.

Rand, Buckley and Friedman found a very eager audience among Boomer age males.  You see Boomer children were raised by parents devoted to protecting them from the harsh realities they suffered in the great depression and World War II. As Boomers entered their teenage years, in the 60’s, the entire economy shifted to meet teenage whims and insecurities. It was truly a decade of sex, drugs and rock’n roll. I know. I was there.

A HISTORY OF BOOMER LEADERSHIP

Sixties Boomers are mistakenly credited with idealism, which inspired the civil rights movement and anti–war protests. But historians note that the civil-rights revolution was led by members of the greatest generation…leaders like Lyndon Johnson. The anti-war protests were driven by the citizen draft making it’s protest an exercise in self-interest rather than lofty idealism. (Since the military switched to an all-volunteer force we have been constantly sending troops into undeclared wars with little objection since our soldiers come from households living below or near the poverty line.)  So, the Boomer 1960’s was a mass expression of youth self-indulgence, and that was only the beginning.

By the 1970’s, Boomers turned to making money. The 60’s lingo of non-materialism and hippie flower power gave way to the pursuit of jobs, homes and cars. But underlying the quest for adulthood was the siren song of an economy fueled by personal consumption.

Boomers of the 1980’s watched the movie Wall Street without seeing the irony of the phrase “Greed is Good.” Instead they took it literally. 

Antitrust laws were gutted; Jack Welch pioneered mass employee layoffs of GE’s profitable businesses in order to take profits to fake levels. Meanwhile, paying executives with stock options became legal. This enabled Wall Street to demand that short-term financial tactics replace long-term growth strategies.

In the 90’s excessive consumption fueled new levels of social comparison in which the distinctions of rich and poor were obvious to everyone. Our Boomer led culture embraced the ideal that more is better and much more is much better. In the 1950’s almost no one had servants. Nannies were considered an artifact from the 19th century. But now dual career households had re-created the need for personal servants and the ultimate measure of success became a private jet.

Meanwhile Boomer business leaders got serious about becoming lean. Job outsourcing became popular and headcount reductions fueled a new mania in management consulting. Corporate pensions were eliminated in the social contract and employees were torn up. Research and development budgets were continuously cut.  Email replaced middle management. And Newt Gingrich launched the idea that governing was ideological warfare rather than the art of practical compromise.

During the first decade of the 21st-century the financialization of our economy became dominant. The stock market Internet bubble made millions for professionals, but evaporated the savings for millions of every day investors.

In 2005 I sat through a presentation made by Citibank Boomer leaders who claimed to have cracked the code on eliminating debt-risk through mortgage-backed securities. Wall Street pinheads created a fantasyland for materialist appetites by making 5000 ft. McMansions a must-have item. People bought homes with rooms they never used, filled with furniture they never sat on.

Meanwhile, Boomers kept working for the “man.” The man was a new breed of professional CEOs making tens of millions of dollars every year regardless of their competence. These are the idiots who got paid to nearly destroy our entire economy, along with trillions of dollars of middle-class savings. They are still in charge.

A GENERATION OF NEW IDEALS

It is now very clear that the children of boomers will not pay their dues.

That’s because they don’t want to join the club their parents have built. They have seen what mindless obedience to the “man” buys.  It is not the life they admire or value. The accumulation of evermore stuff does not create happiness, satisfaction or even enjoyment.  They have discovered that travel can be more enriching when you sleep in a spare bedroom of an AirBnB than a five-star hotel. They were suckered into massive student loans for inadequate educations. They have little loyalty to employers who have no loyalty to employees.

Nearly every new generation expresses ideals contrary to the dominant generation that preceded it. Boomers were wild and selfish, as much as their parents we’re traditional and communitarian.

The 125 million millennial’s are mostly inclusive and purpose seeking.

Of course, they are riddled with their own imperfections as with all humans. But one thing they are not…is timid about creating a world that works for everyone. And the leaders of this ideal are mostly millennial women. They finally get that they don’t need permission to change the world… and they will. These are the women I see at conferences today.

It makes me smile.

What we’re seeing play out, not only in our country, but worldwide, is the last distorted blast of Boomer excesses. When an old order dies it’s death rattle is grotesque. As long as Boomers lead our institutions, human suffering will increase.

• Human trafficking will not stop.
• New wars will replace old ones.
• Money-laundering of corrupt billionaires will flourish.
• Good companies will fail.
• Starvation will increase.
• Adequate healthcare will be difficult to access.
• Harmful products will be sold.
• Our air and water will be polluted.
• The seas will rise, and
• famines will be commonplace.

Although many of you might disagree, my long life and my decades of experience with powerful leaders tell me that we will turn this around.

We will turn it around because women, especially young women, who see beyond their self-interest in short term gain, will claim their power.

In the meantime, I will do EVERYTHING I can to make sure that happens.

That’s why we need A Million Smart Women leaders and men who support them. We need them to change Government, Business, Healthcare, Education, Science, Technology, Finance…everything. We need them to lead with their heads and their hearts. And I believe this new generation of young women has both the guts and the vision to do it.

Stay connected… this revolution is being live streamed.

 

TED talks are supposed to make you smarter. But sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they make you stupid. A popular TED talk entitled, “Why you won’t have a great career,” by economist Larry Smith is absolutely some of the worst career advice ever given in public.

I can sum up his advice as…pursue your work with all your might and don’t think twice about investing your precious time in your children.  In fact, he tries to make his disdain for little kids a joke by claiming that at least he restrains himself from “kicking them.”

Nice joke, Larry. Not funny!

What drives me crazy about the advice to “lean-in” to work is that workaholism is often held out as a requirement for promotion to senior leadership. In recent years, I have heard many executives say work life balance is no longer possible so just deal with it. These are the same decision makers who consistently understaff their profitable enterprises to create chronic work-load emergencies.  As people rise in management, more 24/7 expectations are heaped on them as a kind of test of commitment. A stupid one.

Since women tend to value their loved ones more than their egos women are discouraged from achieving the leadership level they deserve. In my view women are punished for their values because our work cultures are psychologically unhealthy. When talented women and men who want more from life than power, status and money are handicapped because they won’t drink the poisoned Kool-Aid of work mania, it’s a sign of sanity…NOT a lack of commitment.

The question we need to ask ourselves is “what are we trying to accomplish?” None of Smith’s advice is grounded in the science of Life Satisfaction research. Interviews with 80 year olds reveal that the single greatest source of life satisfaction when we review our lives near the end is…this is no surprise…the quality of our closest human relationships.  And quality is defined as relationships of trust, authenticity, non-judgment and mutual advocacy. It’s those behaviors that create “loved-ones.” Those behaviors and one other.

The single greatest indicator of relationship quality is whether you simply enjoy being with each other when you’re not doing anything fun, interesting or exciting. When just being together doing the mundane things of life or even nothing at all is pleasurable you know you have a treasured  relationship. As the book “The Little Prince” tells us…you know you have a friend when you enjoy wasting time together. The only way to create that kind of soul satisfying friendship is an investment of time together. Not just quality time but a quantity of time.

So where does a great career show up in end of life satisfaction?  Doing satisfying work doesn’t actually show up until number four on most people’s lists. For many people it isn’t in their top ten. The reason is simple. Most people don’t discover an overwhelming inner passion for a particular work achievement. And the reason for that is work success is not their reason for living. Yes, of course we want to make our difference and be valued but 99.9 % of us are not going to alter the course of human history in a big way.

In fact, a university study revealed that at best, historians say less than 5000 people who have ever lived have “changed the world.” Since population experts estimate that 70 billion people have been born over the course of our earths’ existence, it is highly unlikely our work will change the world in a way that satisfies our ego’s quest for self- importance.

On the other hand, it is almost assured you will change the lives of your loved ones… for good or bad.

I have worked with a number of CEO’s until they retired. Not one has told me they regret spending too much time with their family and friends and wished they had sacrificed those relationships for their jobs.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am all for you having a great career. In fact, over 500,000 people have viewed my “Turn your Superpower into your Career” speech on University of California TV. (UCTV.tv) But clearly, becoming a workaholic is not the path to a great career. It’s a path to personal pathology. Most of the workaholics I have counseled were driven by a sense of personal inadequacy, an insecure ego drive or a lust for fame or power. Those are extremely poor guiding motives for personal career management.

The bottom line. 

1. Your life is your career…not your job…. your life. So never ever let your job or your achievements define you. It will only make you neurotic and painfully boring.

2. Only you can define your “great” career. I know bartenders and waiters who love their jobs because they are fulfilled by their interactions with customers. I know doctors and many lawyers who are very unhappy with their careers because they went into those fields for the wrong reasons. My mom had great fulfilling “career” as both a wife and mother and later a grandmother. Her career changed the lives of everyone she touched, especially mine. She made no money, was only famous among her friends and family and yet she was thrilled with her career. I know because near the end of her 91 year life she told me so.

3. A great career is one which makes you a better person. As Aristotle put it your best life arises from fulfilling your higher nature. You best career and the only one that matters is becoming the best person you can imagine becoming. Of course you will forever remain quirky but your imperfections can be catalyst for growth, learning and creativity if you know what you’re up to.

One more thing…don’t overwork to make more money than you need. There have been times in my life when I did not have enough money and that is grinding.  But please consider what my friend Steve Clayback recently said….

“You have succeeded in life when all you really want is only what you really need.”

I believe the Beatles revealed all we really need….

 

My good friend, Lisa Earle McLeod, author of Leading with Noble Purpose writes in her best-selling book: “We’ve all heard the adage: ‘No one on their deathbed wishes they’d spent more time at the office.’

That adage, though, is misunderstood. It belittles the critical role that meaningful work plays in our lives. Human beings are hardwired for meaning. We want our lives to count for something. Unfortunately, many people see their work as devoid of higher purpose. Instead, they experience work as an endless grind. But it’s not the work itself that kills our spirit. It’s doing work without meaning.”

Meaning is elevating and enriching when it reflects a valued purpose, a gallant proposition, and a virtuous promise. It inspires when it connects a person with an appealing higher plain — one that enhances, deepens, and nurtures. Its by-product – passion – is released when employees view their role and responsibility in grander terms than simply doing a task or job. People are more enthused about “building a great cathedral, than simply laying bricks.” It means helping every employee see a clear link between their efforts and this grander calling. And, it includes reinforcing the work standard that all actions must be congruent with that noble purpose.

Researcher Arie de Geus in his book, The Living Company, revealed that the average life expectancy of a multinational corporation – Fortune 500 Company or its equivalent – is forty to fifty years. Forty percent of newly created companies exist less than ten years. Yet, there are some that endure for centuries (Royal Dutch/Shell, W.R. Grace, DuPont, Rolls Royce, Suzuki, etc.). De Geus studied the companies that had lasted many years to learn what they shared in common.  First among the four commonalities included a strong and stable sense of purpose.

Turning Converted into Witness

I had a business meeting in Houston several years ago in a high-rise office building that was the corporate headquarters for a large company. The company rented the top four floors to my client while the rest of the building were their corporate offices. To get to my client’s offices, I was required to register with the security receptionist, get a badge, and wait for an escort. I could not help but notice the marble wall next to the security desk. Deeply engraved in the marble were the core values of the corporation; “integrity” topped their values list.  I was standing in the lobby of the corporate headquarters of Enron. 

What leader would not “salute their company flag” or pay homage to their corporate mission, vision or purpose. It would be downright “sacrilegious!” It is imperative for leaders to communicate to all that they are true believers – converted if you will – of what their company stands for. Pronouncements of such a belief make great fodder for all-employee meetings and shareholder gatherings. They look good in the annual report and on breakroom walls. But, being a pronouncer is a far cry from being a witness.

When I strolled through Universal Studios Hollywood with then theme park president Larry Kurzweil, he demonstrated his “full of noble purpose” witness by warmly greeted guests, asking if they were having a great time, and “polishing the park” by picking up trash. Marriott Corporation chairman, Bill Marriott, queries guests in hotel lobbies and elevators about their experience with Marriott’s service.  FedEx CEO Fred Smith reminds employees they are not just “taking stuff by 10:30,” they are delivering precious cargo to customers — an organ that may save a life, papers that could rescue a company, or someone’s fifth wedding anniversary gift. Kurzweil, Marriott, and Smith all know that leader observation is more telling to employees than leader conversation.

Do a noble purpose check. If you brought your child or grandchild to work for a day and allowed that child to watch you all day long, would that child be able to easily discern your purpose solely by your actions. Again, employees do not watch your mouth; they watch your moves. Those moves — your leadership acts as a witness to your purpose — tell the tale about whether it is a purpose you pronounce versus one you practice. When was the last time you made a controversial decision by coming down on the side of “the right thing to do?”

The word “noble” is synonymous with upright, virtuous, honorable, and ethical. We live in an era when concepts like pragmatic, cost-effective, efficient, and profitable are too often the sole criterion for decision-making. Greatness comes from integrating all of these attributes. But, when cost-effective and conscious-effective are at odds, great leaders boldly face the conflict that comes with always standing up for purpose. “You have enemies?  Good,” wrote Winston Churchill. “That means you’ve stood up for something sometime in your life.” Witness means you have a job to do and not just a label to wear.

 

The board meeting is over. The directors have gone back to their busy VC world. And you, as the entrepreneur, are heading to an email inbox that now, is even more overloaded than it was four hours ago.  

As you scan through Slack, sift through Gmail or gaze at your 15 unanswered text messages, you might be left with some unsettling thoughts. Did I get what I wanted out of that board meeting? If so, why do I still feel bad

It’s a valid question for entrepreneurs to consider… Just how should I feel after a board meeting?

The above scenario happened to me so many times I lost count. As an entrepreneur, I’d walk out of most board meetings with no clue how the meeting went. If, as the CEO, I did my job in the board meeting, why then did I feel so overwhelmed, frustrated and in desperate need of a drink?

After years of experience as the co-founder and managing director of Next Coast Ventures and as the CEO of ServiceSource (SREV), I have finally realized this whirlpool of feelings is typical. If you are an entrepreneur and you walk out of your board meeting feeling slightly unsatisfied, you are probably doing it right.

Even the most accomplished business leaders walk out of board meetings with doubts—part of the purpose of a successful board meeting is to challenge and question your ideas and to take you out of your comfort zone. Like a good workout with a personal trainer that pushes you to the limit, you should leave a board meeting feeling a mixture of exhaustion and frustration with a healthy dose of skepticism. When taken in stride, entrepreneurs can turn the following potentially toxic emotions into catalysts for next steps:

1. Mental Exhaustion

Board meetings are important and entrepreneurs need to remain fully present and focused in order to defend their recent decisions and fight for their future ideas while driving the agenda of the meeting forward—and ultimately, the business. A board meeting should be the culmination of weeks of preparation and practice in order to hone your narrative. This extreme channeling of intellectual energy can be draining, so take it as a good sign if you feel tired after you leave. This is a sign that you have put in the necessary time and effort—and you lead a constructive meeting.

2. More Than Slightly Frustrated

A good board meeting will challenge and frustrate you. At every turn, your opinions will be debated and questioned under a microscope and you may feel like you are placed in the spotlight to defend an unpopular idea. Keep focused and use the opportunity to truly consider other points of view. Remember that the board isn’t trying to give you a hard time for the fun of it or without reason, they simply are doing due diligence in ensuring that all factors are being considered. Rather than getting defensive or dismissive, which can be counterproductive, look at the situation with a positive perspective and take this time to solicit honest feedback from a group of individuals clearly vested in your success.

3. A Bout of Skepticism

Leading a board meeting is all about presenting your ideas with confidence. However, when push back comes or you are unprepared for a line of questioning, it is normal to feel skeptical about the topic at hand. In my experience, there comes an exact moment when you realize that a decision made, hire completed or strategic direction communicated might be completely wrong. That is okay. Just take a deep breath and commit to no immediate action in the moment until you have had time to examine what happened and how you can move beyond.

And Yet, It Shouldn’t Be Torture.

While every entrepreneur should expect to encounter hurdles during a board meeting, there are several signs to watch out for that may indicate larger problems are afoot. Any of the above emotions, have the ability to become toxic or demotivating. An effective board should ask hardball questions and be straightforward about their concerns—while never directly criticizing or belittling an entrepreneur, even about disappointing results or decisions they disagree with.

The boardroom should be strictly professional and drama-free; it shouldn’t be fun, but it also shouldn’t be torture. If, as an entrepreneur, you consistently feel disrespected and dismissed by your board, it may reveal an underlying chemistry problem. If your negative emotions go beyond the standards detailed above, the makeup of your board may need to be evaluated.

At the end of the day, a board meeting should help provide perspective on recent performances and practical advice concerning future challenges. CEOs should leave a meeting exhausted, frustrated and skeptical—but also enthused, accomplished and eager to get to work.

Ultimately, you are all on the same team, and the role of the board is to support you. Just like that of a personal trainer who challenges you to perform more when you think you have nothing left in the tank, keep in mind that your board really does have your—and your company’s—best interests at heart.

 

Victimhood has a bad name. People who feel like victims are told they are weak. Psychologists even have a name for it… learned helplessness. But in my experience being victimized is often a reality. 

It’s not true that you are responsible for all your own troubles. There are many people who have judged you and have prevented you from getting opportunities or rewards that you deserve because of your gender, your age, your color, your weight, your education, your personality and dozens of other irrelevant personal attributes. It is also true that there are mean people who feel stronger by making you weaker.  You’re not making this up.  It’s real. And the sooner you face that fact the faster you can transcend the depressing effects of being unfairly disadvantaged.
 
For the past several years, I have been working in large corporations who are trying to untangle the knots of invisible bias that systematically disadvantage women. What I’ve learned doesn’t just apply to gender bias, which is indeed rampant in the workplace and the wider society; the effects of bias are felt by anyone who is being treated unfairly because they have been categorized in a class of people who don’t deserve what the privileged class automatically gets.
 
It’s called discrimination.
 
When people are discriminated against they don’t receive the same opportunities, resources, support, training, education, mentoring, sponsorship, or access to power and leadership.  I have learned that there are many, many subtle but deadly effects of discrimination.
 
For instance, in my work I document how much more slowly qualified women are promoted then males with the same education and experience. This slow promotion effect is a root cause in women being consistently not listened to or even acknowledged when they make suggestions or for volunteer for assignments. Being unheard, overlooked, interrupted, and having others take credit for your work has a depressing effect on initiative.

It’s logical. If no one in the established authority structure is interested in what you think, or what you know, it is only reasonable to quit offering your ideas.  If hard work doesn’t result in recognition or rewards for you, but mediocre work or even failure results in promotions and raises for the privileged class, it is only reasonable to quit speaking up and just do what you’re told. This phenomenon is called the “psychology of discrimination.”

The psychology of discrimination has a powerful effect on both confidence and motivation.
 

Psychologists have determined that our confidence grows when we believe that making our best efforts will result in achieving our goals. When the link between our effort and our results is broken we begin to lose our confidence and our motivation to keep trying.  Demotivation grows exponentially when we see other people achieving their goals without making the same efforts that we are.  It feels unfair… because it is.
 
This creates a vicious cycle because others notice that you are not motivated.
They label you as an unmotivated person and withhold opportunities or support that would trigger your motivations. Thus, you become the stereotype that fits their bias.  But it’s not true that you’re an unmotivated person or not a hard worker or that you’re not smart or have good ideas. What is true is that systematic unfairness has depressed your initiative, your creativity, and your grit. The danger of staying in a job or life situations in which you were systematically marginalized, is that your depressed behavior becomes your new normal.  It becomes the story of you.

 Just look at this graphic to understand the cycle.

Don’t let this happen. You must defend your true identity.  Fortunately, studies show that most people can identify a deep, intrinsic, inner self. This is the part of you that you identify as your core identity. Many people call it your soul. This essential part of you enables you to be true to your self-chosen values in spite of your circumstances. This is what prisoner of war survivors rely on to maintain hope and sanity when all power and dignity is taken from them. This part of you is also your power source to overcome being a prisoner of bias.
 
We are learning more about our powerful core identity through the work of child psychologists who are studying the path that high functioning children take to become high functioning adults. Here is what we are learning.
 

1. Self-Reflection leads to clarity about your intrinsic values and goals. Your values and goals become the framework for personal rules that you will not violate. Here are some common rules that individual clients have developed that reflect healthy values and goals.

   I will not work for a jerk because it will make me “smaller” than I.
   I will build a career that contributes to a better world and a better future.
   I will be trustworthy by making and keeping important commitments.
   I will live my life in balance and optimize my health and energy.
   I will invest my most positive feelings in the people I love everyday.

 

2. Self-Persuasion is the art of creating an inner story based on the narrative that everything happens for a reason. Psychologists have found that this belief (independent of its actual truth which is unknowable), gives people the greatest amount of inner power to overcome difficult or tragic events. It makes us psychologically strong it enables us to maintain our commitment to our values and goals when we experience setbacks.
    
3. Creative Grit is the proven personal habit most associated with success.  It simply means that you will persist in pursuing your vision of your best future self and your ideal future work and lifestyle in spite of any obstacles. Creative grit does not mean you’ll do the same thing over and over again but rather you will be constantly learning, adapting and finding better ways of fulfilling your core identity. The key to creative grit is managing your emotions and actions. This requires that you focus on endless hope, optimism, problem solving, meeting new people, seeking new experiences, and telling others your hopes and dreams. Studies show these emotions and activities are the most accurate predictors of success.

 
The bottom line.
 
Dammit the world is unfair. And the world is unfair to certain classes, races and genders in ways that are completely outrageous. What’s encouraging is that more people in privileged classes understand this and want to change it.
In the meantime, I encourage you to transcend whatever bias you are facing by going deep within yourself and affirming and supporting your highest self and highest potential.
 
I can assure you that that I have personally discovered many heroes who have transcended past and present traumas and disadvantages to achieve a state of persistent fulfillment.
 
The greatest gift you can give to the people you love and to the wider world is the gift of your true identity. Look straight into the eye of bias and spit!

 

Equal Pay Day raises awareness of the gender pay gap and symbolizes how far into the year (3 months) a woman must work to earn what her male counterparts earned for doing THE SAME JOB in the previous year.

If you’re a woman you’re almost sure to be underpaid. The vast amount of pay equity research over the last decade consistently confirms that equally qualified women are paid anywhere from 4 to 44% less than men doing the same job. The average is 20% less.

What new research is uncovering is that opportunity inequality creates even more unfairness. The promotion pace of professional women is 33 to 50% slower than professional men. The pay gap is a direct result of bias. It is not because women do not work as hard or as long as men. It is not because they have children. It is not because they’re less committed to their careers. And it is definitely not because they’re less qualified. The reason women are paid less than men is primarily because they are women.

We know this because when the gender of candidates for higher paying jobs is unknown, women are twice as likely to be selected than if the recruiter can distinguish between men and women via their resume.

Last year the Columbia University School of Public Health released research showing that women were four times more likely to be depressed by work-related stress than males. But they also found out the cure to the depression was equal opportunity and equal pay. 

It’s true… what they discovered was that depression rates among working women who knew they had reached pay equality was no greater than males.  So it’s not that women are more emotionally fragile than men, rather, women are stressed by work when they’re not treated fairly.

So I have defined the problem.  But the solution may not be what you think it is.  Often women are told that they don’t get raises because they are not aggressive enough in asking for them. But simply asking for a raise is not likely to solve pay inequality. Research reveals that’s because when women advocate for themselves, it backfires. Women who ask for raises are frequently labeled as whiny, unrealistic or demanding. They may be labeled as difficult to manage, which becomes a career killer. So you might get a raise but lose the opportunity for the next promotion. Brain science actually gives us clues to the “SMART” approach to getting paid what you deserve.

Simply…Turn negotiation into collaboration.

Gender research confirms that most men are competitive, so negotiating with a man is a psychological contest. Most negotiators want to feel like they won the negotiation.  When I worked with Stephen Covey, we taught win-win negotiating as Habit 5 of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Then for decades, I used the win-win principles to help clients negotiate high-stakes agreements with oppositional groups. What I consistently found is that most men wanted win-lose outcomes. For many people it isn’t enough for them to get what they want. They also enjoy the feeling of you getting less than what you want. It’s the primal competitive urge of domination. And many men are still driven by the psychological payoff of dominating women. For many men the last thing they want to feel is that they lost to a woman. So don’t try to negotiate for a higher salary. Instead, collaborate.

Collaboration occurs when people share a common goal and agree to solve common problem. One goal of every good employer is to have highly productive employees.  They may not care if employees are happy but they should care about creating conditions in which employees are committed to doing their best work. In human resource language this is called employee engagement, but it’s kind of a soft, squishy concept for male business leaders.  Generally, what I have found is that most leaders are interested in their employees being focused on producing results that matter.

Recently Bain and Company found there is a 300% productivity difference between a dissatisfied employee and an inspired employee. They also found the dissatisfaction with pay was a critical productivity killer. Very few people are productive when they feel exploited. People actually reduce their effort to achieve psychological fairness when they feel their efforts are not being fairly rewarded.

When I am coaching women to create a collaborative, problem-solving discussion these are the SIX STEPS I TEACH THEM TO HELP GET A PROMOTION OR RAISE:

1. Use a salary estimator such as Glassdoor or Know Your Worth to give you hard data on what your job should pay. That is your target.
2. If possible, start applying for better jobs with equal or better employers. When you have alternatives, you increase your psychological power.
3. Calculate the business value of your position. What is the value you really create for your employer?  Can you estimate the positive financial impact of your productivity in either saving money or driving growth?
4. Confirm that you are capable of and committed to making an even bigger impact on your team or organization. Advocate for yourself so you can do more for the company.
5. Share success stories of situations in the past year in which your contribution made a big difference and emphasize that you would like to do more.
6. Ask for an increase in quality-of-life compensation such as flex time, telecommuting, less travel, or a childcare allowance IN ADDITION to a higher wage.

That’s it. The SIX STEPS TO COLLABORATING A RAISE OR PROMOTION.

As I mentioned earlier, most men hate to lose but many men love being “knights in shining armor.” This primal drive doesn’t require you to become a damsel in distress.  Rather, it gives you an opportunity to present practical problems that giving you raise or a bonus might solve.  For instance, if you are saddled with student debt or have a change of circumstance in which you need more extensive childcare you can establish a problem-solving discussion by making the solution the key to unlocking greater productivity and contribution to the enterprise.A successful, bright woman I recently coached was able to DOUBLE her sign-on bonus because she told the male recruiter it would completely pay off her student debt. Solving her problem became the recruiter’s goal. She simply asked, “Is there any way I might be able to get a bigger sign-on bonus because it would make my decision final.”

To make this problem solving strategy work, tell your boss you need a raise. Don’t tell him what your personal problem is, just that you need to make more money. Ask him what can you do that would bring more value to the company that would justify the raise you need.

Some bosses will want to know why you need a raise.  However, answering that question can be tricky. If your boss is highly analytical and judgmental, it would be best to keep the reason private but emphasize it is urgent. If your boss has more of a problem-solving, empathetic personality he might derive great satisfaction in helping you help yourself. The critical issue here is to retain your power and keep your dignity. Never fall into the trap of manipulating your boss by trying to get his sympathy to bail you out.  The frame for every successful collaborative promotion or raise, is that you want to earn more by creating more value.

With the SIX STEPS TO A PROMOTION OR RAISE, I’ve also found there are SIX STEPS TO AVOID.

1. Don’t apologize for asking what it would take to get a raise or bonus.
2. Don’t expect for your work to speak for itself, it never does.
3. Don’t use negative words to challenge the fairness of your boss or company.
4. Don’t manipulate your boss or company by trying to gain sympathy.
5. Don’t ask for what you think you might be able to get. Instead ask what your contribution is worth and how you can make it worth more.
6. Don’t accept any offer in the moment. Give yourself a chance to reflect.

The bottom line. Unless something dramatic happens, pay inequality is likely to persist for another 50 years.  So…

• Be proactive – set a goal and make a plan to achieve it.
• Educate yourself on what you deserve.
• Ask for a promotion so that you can do more for your employer.
• Your current job is not your career. Loyalty to your employer is overrated. The highest paid people job hop. Create options.
• Take control of your financial future.

I challenge you to use these SIX STEPS to become great at what you desire to be great at and get paid for it. Here’s to many promotions and raises in your future! 

 

We live in an age of moral dyslexia. Over the last 40 years, we’ve systematically created an economy that both favors people who don’t need any more favors and disadvantages people who have no advantages.
 
The truth is one of the most disadvantaged groups in America are single mothers. And it’s not just because it’s hard to raise children alone. It’s also because the rising demands of work, miserly wage gains and cost of childcare create a 10 ton anchor that sink the hopes, dreams and health of millions of mothers every day. In a minute I’m going to share with you five proven ways to increase you’re worth, your opportunities and your wages at work but first I just want you to consider the following.
 
The Wall Street Journal just reported research, (Why You Work for a Giant Company, April 7, 2017) that confirms that over the last 30 years inflation adjusted pay for the highest paid workers has risen by over 40%. But pay for the lowest paid workers has fallen 41%. This trend is found in companies of all sizes. But in very large companies mid level workers are also seeing their pay shrink relative to inflation while the well-paid top-tier leaders enjoy double digit gains.
 
These trends are troubling for women in the workforce because in most companies women are stuck in the middle or in lower level jobs. Stagnant pay for women with children is an extreme problem because daily childcare for two children costs more then the medium rent in all 50 states! I know, it sucks.
 
And, it’s extremely hard to get a top job without being married to your work. Harvard’s school of Public Health recently reported that:
 

• 2/3’s of working age adults work overtime or on weekends.
• 30% of us work while on vacation.
• 65% of us monitor and respond to email after work hours because we’re expected to.
• and 20% of us report high levels of emotional exhaustion known as burn-out.

 
That makes raising a family while trying to accelerate your career extremely challenging.  
 
Just for a minute I want you to consider what it might be like trying to be a successful working mother, or single mother, swimming in our shark infested economy. In my experience, most of these women suffer in silence, give all they’ve got, and are increasingly viewed as disposable employees in the new world of data-driven, strategic talent strategies. This is a trend in HR circles where companies pay their stars like royalty and everyone else like peasants.
 
Is this really the best we can do?
 
 No, of course not but it’s going to take an army of female business leaders to change the social Darwinism celebrated in most corporations, and create pro-growth cultures in which every employee’s capabilities are valued and intentionally developed.
 
I spend a great deal of effort working with senior officers to help them see the business value of the women who are stuck in the middle of their organizations. In that process, I have learned what senior leaders really value and what they will pay a premium for. This list is just as valid if you work for a tiny company or a huge one. I have used it to help scores of women change their career trajectory and financial success.

1. Become the CEO of Me, Inc. All jobs…and I mean all of them are insecure. You may be getting a W-2 paycheck but your job is still just a “gig.” There is no amount of excellent work that will ensure you have a job with your current employer. I have lived through decades of people losing their jobs due to mergers or divestitures that they have no control over. The wisest way to look at your current job is to behave as if it is a consulting engagement. A successful consultant is constantly connecting their daily work to the CEO strategy and their bosses’ priorities. You do this by verbally communicating that you get “it.” It is what’s strategically most important to the people who control organizational resources and your job opportunities.  Make it a point to let everybody know that you get “it.” 
    
2. Demonstrate that you understand and make decisions that will add to your employer’s growth and profitability. Advocate for the company’s financial success. Research has shown that employees are judged to be high potential when they consistently verbalize both the financial drivers of the enterprise. This is especially important for women because bias research confirms that most males assume that most females don’t get the big picture and don’t understand what is necessary to profitably grow. (They still unconsciously think your primary job is to be a secretary and get coffee for the smart guys.)
    
3. Take 100% responsibility for your relationship with your boss.  IBM’s research shows that people who get ahead are the people who spend the most time with their boss.  They also reported that low-power people tend to avoid high-power people because of feeling stressed by the difference in power. Don’t give into that. Fast-rising employees interact with their boss every day! The primary reason this works is that it helps you stay aligned with your boss’ priorities and enables you to demonstrate your capabilities.  When talking to your boss demonstrate confidence by using descriptive language rather than emotional language. Talk about what’s really happening and what actions you are taking to make things better. Ask for a raise or promotion when needed or deserved using these techniques. Make recommendations with fact-based arguments rather than just voicing your opinions or over-describing the problem.  All good consultants are terrific problem solvers.
    
4. Ask for feedback on your performance. Most men are reluctant to give women feedback because they’re afraid they will trigger emotions and raise questions they don’t want to deal with. Research shows that this significantly dampens the opportunities for women because it’s difficult to improve without feedback. The best way to request feedback is to simply ask:

   (1) What am I doing that’s adding the most value right now?
   (2) What can I improve that would have the most positive impact.
   (3) Is there anything I should stop doing?

   Google’s internal research confirms that their most outstanding employees ask the boss these questions once a week. It doesn’t take a formal sit-down to have this conversation. If you have it frequently it normally takes 5 to 10 minutes. Imagine how fast your improvement will accelerate if you’ve got a steady stream of actionable feedback. This will also make it easier for your boss to give you more important assignments.
    

5. Tell your boss what your career goals are.  Don’t wait for your boss to ask you.  Ask for his or her advice and confidently request opportunities that are at the edge of your current capabilities. Let your boss know that you would really value their sponsorship or support in taking on new and higher impact challenges. If you are being overlooked for important assignments, ask what it would take to get them. If you get a vague answer, you probably need a new boss. Remember you are running your career as CEO of Me, Inc.

Not all clients are good clients. Sometimes you have to fire a client to get a better opportunity.  And sometimes you have to “fire” your boss to push your career to the next step.
 
The bottom line.

• The world of work is getting increasingly imbalanced. Don’t expect to be treated fairly or compassionately.  You simply have to create your own future.
• There are 5 specific proven strategies that will help you become more valued by your employer. Use them.
• Be prepared to job hop. In consulting, I have found the optimal time for an engagement with one client is 2 to 3 years. After that my impact and contribution seems to be less valued. That same time spent seems to be the new “tour of duty” for ambitious employees. Since we’re finding ourselves working in the jungle, it seems best to swing from tree to tree if you want to climb to the top! 

All this may seem like a lot…even overwhelming. But the future of work is going to be very challenging especially for mothers and single mothers. Don’t wait for the world to change. Take charge of your future.