In the CIA, the relationship between partners is unique. An operation can send you and your partner into the depths of the most hostile countries where Americans simply aren’t welcome.

You’re charged with completing a dangerous mission, and you have only each other to depend on. While sometimes intelligence officers work in teams on certain operations, more often than not it’s a very small group, and you are also often alone. We’re not the military — there’s no cavalry. And you know that if you’re in covert operations, the government isn’t going to come in and retrieve you should something (or everything) go wrong. This results in a loyalty so deep and meaningful it can be hard for people who haven’t been in the intelligence world to understand it.

But to help you, I’d like to share a story from one CIA operative I’ll call Elliot. I will never forget the time I thought I had let my partner down (literally, over the side of a roof). We needed to get on top of a building in a hostile territory to plant a listening device. Of course, we didn’t want to get spotted, so we chose a night during which we knew the moon would be out. The moonlight would be our only light as we executed the necessary maneuvers. Well, it turns out there was zero moonlight. We couldn’t see our hands in front of our faces up there. My partner, Mark, tripped over a wire. I didn’t see this, so I had no idea what had happened at the time, but it made a loud noise.

We had worked together long enough to know that darkness combined with a sudden noise was a good reason to abort the mission. We had to get out rather than risk being caught. I didn’t know where Mark was, but I knew I had to get back to the escape vehicle. I had to assume that’s where I’d find him, too. I got down from the roof and realized he was nowhere to be found. I started to panic because I had removed the ladder. Did Mark get caught? It was my duty to find him and help him if he needed it. I quietly climbed back up to the roof. As I surveyed the perimeter, I thought I saw a dark shadow. Mark had fallen and was literally hanging over the side of the building. I was so grateful I had made it in time to pull him up before his arms gave out. Horrible things would have been done to me if I had gotten caught (and remember, I had made it to the escape vehicle), but there was no way I’d leave my partner behind. Doing so was unthinkable.

Now, as a businessperson, I don’t imagine you’ll ever have to rescue one of your employees who is hanging down the side of a building. But, embedded within Elliott’s and my experiences are some tips I learned about loyalty from the intelligence world that can hopefully help you breed better loyalty and success.

Standing up for my team. In my own company, I don’t hesitate to terminate relationships with overly difficult customers or clients. It is out of loyalty to my hardworking team members. If I want to encourage next-level loyalty, I need to prove that their well-being and state of mind mean more than a quick profit from a client who treats them horribly. During my time in the CIA, I would never have hesitated to stand up for my partner in a crisis. I wanted my team members to know that, without a doubt, they would be appropriately supported and cared for in difficult situations.

Integrity matters. When you’re completing your training with a group of other intelligence officers, integrity is essential. Your partner is in charge of saving your life. During training I’d think, “Who in this group would I trust with my life?” Anyone who wasn’t a good shot, was a hothead, or didn’t collaborate well was a liability. Those people often did not make it through training because they put the rest of the group in danger. I view my company in a similar fashion: Every member has a key role to play. Their contribution is essential to the livelihood of the company. Obviously, human beings make mistakes, and I don’t expect perfection, but integrity matters.

I had one employee who was smart, likable, and did great work. The only problem? He couldn’t meet deadlines. This individual wasn’t respecting the rest of our team by doing his work in a timely fashion. He was becoming a liability. I talked to him about this problem and said I’d do whatever I could to help because he did such good work. In the end, he couldn’t deliver on time and, for the sake of the team, I had to let him go. Show your commitment to integrity by honoring the core values you’ve established. Not insisting on integrity from every team member is dangerous to the survival of your company.

Rewarding excellent behavior. Spies understand that their assets are putting themselves at risk in bringing them useful information. Spies show gratitude for their assets whenever they can by providing big-ticket items or smaller rewards such as dinners and cash. Likewise, I am always going to recognize when someone has gone above and beyond.

Here’s a simple example: I will never forget how my team came together last Christmas when our orders were through the roof and getting those shipments out was a huge challenge. Without my insisting in any way, the team gathered on Saturdays and late at night, helping to prepare and package orders for shipping. Without their willingness to pitch in, we could have lost out on a lot of business. I was happy to reward my team in the form of meals, gifts, and bonuses. If you want next-level loyalty, always make a point of acknowledging extraordinary behavior, even if it’s something as simple as helping to pack up last-minute Christmas orders.

Never forget that loyalty starts with you. I had been taught that when you’re devoted to a cause (such as the success of a business or protecting the United States of America), you develop a deep appreciation for every part of the process. In the CIA we value the analysts, the cartographers, the mechanics who work on our cars, the administrative staff, and even the employees in the coffee shop who make the hot chocolate on those cold northern Virginia days. You see how crucial each component is to running a successful organization. That deep appreciation for each part of the process — and the pride you feel about providing your own personal contribution — is where loyalty begins and grows. Appreciate each team member’s contribution to the whole, but remember that loyalty always begins with you as the prime example. 

You’ve probably heard the old advice for entrepreneurs that “failing to plan is planning to fail.” That phrase is a misleading myth at best, and actively dangerous at worst. Making plans is essential, but our gut reaction is to plan for the best-case outcomes, ignoring the high likelihood that things will go wrong. 

A much better phrase is “failing to plan for problems is planning to fail.” To address the very high likelihood that problems will crop up, you need to plan for contingencies. 

When was the last time you saw a major planned project suffer from a cost overrun? It’s not as common as you may think for a project with a clear plan to come in at or under budget. 

For instance, a 2002 study of significant construction projects found that 86% went over budget. In turn, a 2014 study of IT projects found that only 16.2% succeeded in meeting the originally planned resource expenditure. Of the 83.8% of projects that did not, the average IT project suffered from a cost overrun of 189%. 

Such cost overruns can seriously damage your bottom line. Imagine if a serious IT project such as implementing a new database at your organization goes even 50% over budget, which is much less than the average cost overrun. You might be facing many thousands or even millions of dollars in unplanned expenses, causing you to draw on funds assigned for other purposes and harming all of your plans going forward. 

What explains cost overruns? They largely stem from the planning fallacy — our intuitive belief that everything will go according to plan.

The planning fallacy is one of many dangerous judgment errors. These are mental blind spots resulting from how our brain is wired. Scholars in cognitive neuroscience and behavioral economics call this cognitive biase. We make these mistakes in work and other areas of our life. An example, is shopping choices, as revealed by a series of studies done by a shopping comparison website.

Fortunately, recent research in these fields shows how you can use pragmatic strategies to address these dangerous judgment errors, whether in your professional life, your relationships, or other areas of your life. 

You need to evaluate where cognitive bias hurts you, and those in your team or organization. Then, you can use structured decision-making methods to make “good enough” daily decisions quickly, more thorough ones for moderately important choices, and an in-depth one for major decisions.

Such techniques will also help you implement your decisions well, and formulate truly effective long-term strategic plans. Also, you can develop mental habits and skills to notice cognitive biases and prevent yourself from slipping into them.

Solving the Planning Fallacy

Specifically around the planning fallacy, my coaching, and consulting clients have found three specific research-based techniques effective.

First, break down each project into parts. An IT firm struggled with a pattern of taking on projects that ended up losing money for the company. We evaluated the specific parts of the projects that had cost overruns and found that the most significant unanticipated money drain came from permitting the client to make too many changes at the final stages of the project. As a result, the IT firm changed its process to minimize any changes at the tail end of the project.

Second, use your experience with similar projects to inform your estimates for future projects. A heavy equipment manufacturer had a systemic struggle with underestimating project costs. In one example, a project that was estimated to cost $2 million ended up costing $3 million. We suggested making it a requirement for project managers to use past project costs to inform future projections. Doing so resulted in much more accurate cost estimates.

Third, for projects with which you have little experience, use an external perspective from a trusted and objective source. A financial services firm whose CEO I coached wanted to move its headquarters after outgrowing its current building. I connected the CEO with a couple of other CEO clients who had recently moved and expressed a willingness to share their experience. This helped the financial services CEO anticipate contingencies he didn’t previously consider, such as additional marketing expenses, printing new collateral with the updated address, and lost productivity from changing schedules and new commute routes for employees.

If you take away one message from this article, remember that the key to addressing cost overruns is to remember that “failing to plan for problems is planning to fail.” Use this phrase as your guide to prevent cost overruns and avoid falling prey to the dangerous judgment error of planning fallacy.

When was the last time a colleague said something so ridiculous that it made your jaw drop? A four-year study by LeadershipIQ.com found that 23 percent of CEOs were fired for denying reality — refusing to recognize adverse facts about an organization’s performance. 

We typically respond to people who deny reality by confronting them with facts and counter arguments. But research suggests this is precisely the wrong thing to do.

Research around confirmation bias shows that we tend to look for and interpret information in ways that conform to our beliefs. We have an emotional investment in continuing to believe what we want to believe. Furthermore, studies on a phenomenon called the backfire effect show that when we are presented with facts that cause us to feel bad about our self-worth or worldview, we can develop an even stronger attachment to incorrect beliefs.

These mental blindspots are 2 of more than 100 dangerous judgment errors that result from how our brains are wired. It’s something scholars of cognitive neuroscience and behavioral economics call cognitive biases. We make these errors in work and personal life alike. An example, is the shopping choices we make, as revealed by a series of studies done by a shopping comparison website.

Fortunately, recent research shows us how to use pragmatic strategies to address these dangerous judgment errors — in your professional life, your relationships, or other life areas. It can be helpful to evaluate where cognitive bias is hurting you, and others on your team. Then, use structured decision-making methods to make “good enough” daily decisions quickly, more thorough methods for moderately important choices, and in-depth one’s for major decisions.

Such techniques will also help you implement your decisions well, and formulate truly effective long-term strategic plans. Also, you can develop mental habits and skills to notice cognitive biases and prevent yourself from slipping into them.

So, how do you deal with colleagues suffering from the ostrich head-in-the-sand syndrome?

Rather than arguing about it, it’s much more effective to use a research-based strategy. I developed one called EGRIP (Emotions, Goals, Rapport, Information and Positive Reinforcement), which provides clear guidelines on how to deal with people who deny the facts.

For instance, consider the case of Mike, a new product development team lead in a rapidly-growing tech start-up. He set an ambitious goal for a product launch, and as more and more bugs appeared, he refused to move the launch date. People tried to talk to him, but he hunkered down and kept insisting that the product would launch on time, and work well. I was doing coaching for the company’s founder at the time, and he asked me to approach Mike to try and resolve the issue.

E – Connect with their emotions

If someone denies clear facts, you can safely assume that it’s emotions leading them from reality. While gut reactions can be helpful, they can also lead us astray. What works better is to focus on understanding these emotions and to determine what emotional blocks might be causing them to stick their heads in the sand.

What I discovered in my conversations with Mike was that he tied his self-worth and sense of success to “sticking to his guns,” associating strong leadership with consistency and afraid of appearing weak in his new role as the team lead. He believed team members were trying to undermine him by getting him to shift the schedule — leading him to admit that he’d failed to deliver. This false association of leadership with consistency, and fear of appearing weak, is a frequent problem for new leaders.

G – Establish shared goals

It’s best to establish shared goals — crucial for effective knowledge sharing. I spoke with Mike about how we both shared the same goal of having him succeed as a leader within the company. Likewise, we both shared our goal of having the new product become profitable.

R – Build rapport

Next, build up a rapport by establishing trust. Use empathetic listening to echo their emotions and show you understand how they feel. I spoke to Mike about how it was hard to be worried about the loyalty of one’s team members. We also discussed what makes someone a strong leader.

I – Provide information

At this point, start giving new information, that is a little more challenging, but doesn’t yet touch the actual pain point.

I told Mike how research suggests that one of the most important signs of being a strong leader is the ability to change your mind based on new evidence. I gave examples, such as Alan Mulally saving Ford Motor Company through repeated changes of mind. If I had begun with this information, Mike may have perceived it as threatening. However, by slipping this in naturally, as part of a broader conversation and building a rapport built on shared goals, he accepted the information calmly.

P – Provide positive reinforcement

After a person has changed their perspective, provide them with positive reinforcement. This is a research-based tactic that shifts someone’s emotions. The more positive emotions a person attaches to accepting adverse facts, the less likely you’ll need to have the same conversation with them again.

With Mike, I discussed how he could best exhibit these characteristics — to show those trying to undermine him, that he was indeed a strong leader. I directed the conversation toward how he could show strength by delaying the launch of the new product. Eventually, he agreed, and I praised his ability to show strength and leadership by shifting his perspective, based on new evidence.

Good luck, and remember that you can use EGRIP in a professional setting, and almost any other situation, that requires you to steer others away from a false belief that causes them to deny reality.

Most leaders are smart enough to know that control is easy to talk about, but hard to accomplish. So why, then, do they spin their wheels agonizing over what they can’t control? Surely they can spend their precious time and energy in far more productive ways, such as leading.

Now you’re probably thinking, “Who, me?” But if you were audacious enough to be honest and self-aware, you’d almost certainly confess that you, too, cave to the illusion of control.

Yet there’s light at the end of the tunnel. And while it may be hard to see it now, it’s an enormous relief not to worry about what is truly outside of your control. In other words, it’s liberating to let go.

Start here, with these four techniques I’ve developed:

1. Lead people with outcomes, not tasks. 

Surely you don’t want to be micromanaged by your boss, business partners, or board. So don’t hover over your people. Instead, help them understand the business outcomes you’re targeting and then let them do their work their way. It’s alright to guide them occasionally or give them interim metrics to achieve, but don’t get in their face about day-to-day tasks or minutiae. You’ll be a leader who focuses on the big picture — not the small stuff. And who wouldn’t want that?

2. Expect the best.

Rather than assume that employees are intentionally dragging their feet, attempting to buck the system, or underperforming all around, why not expect the best from them? If there’s a good reason to believe differently later, that’s fine. Otherwise, give people the benefit of the doubt and focus on the positive.

3. Recognize the difference between ability and attitude.

When people can do a job but don’t want to, you’re looking at an attitude problem. But when they genuinely want to complete a task or project, but don’t yet know how, you’ve got an ability issue. Consider this an opportunity to diagnose and improve, not a problem to control.

4. Always have a Plan B. 

In business as in life, having a backup plan is essential to success. I once coached an entrepreneur who was clearly over-reliant on a top employee who’d long been critical to the company’s success. One day I decided to ask him, “What if he leaves?” Without blinking an eye, he exclaimed, “Oh, he’d never leave.” But guess what? He did leave. And today, that entrepreneur has a backup plan for every one of his principal people and pursuits.

Former heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson famously said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” It turns out; he was on to something.

As a leader, you’ll achieve a lot more by letting go of the illusion of control— and facing what’s right in front of you.

Creating a Social Calling Through Business

Worldwide bestselling author Spencer Johnson who authored The Present, suggests we all need a calling; to create a beautiful world through social enterprises. General Bio CEO Jeong Hun Seo (pictured above) is answering the call by harnessing business to sustain the planet and create a global society.

General Bio is South Korea’s leading social enterprise and has been accredited as one of the Top 10 B Corps worldwide. Jeong Hun Seo, supports people with disabilities and underprivileged members of society, by providing over 100 employment opportunities, and helping workers to gain financial independence. In addition, General Bio also provides support for other social enterprises through research and providing resources for R&D and marketing.

Creating a Positive Impact

Committed to developing natural and functional raw materials through bio convergence, and new biomaterials, the organization received ISO22000, GMP and CGMP certifications. Certifications needed to help develop and manufacture dietary supplements, cosmetics, eco-friendly baby products, and household products.

The B-Corp titan is estimated to produce a top-line of 39 million and they are currently distributing products to 10 countries including the US, Canada, China, Japan, and Taiwan. ‘GCOOP’, the distribution company of General Bio’s products, is preparing to launch in Vietnam, Indonesia, and Malaysia in the upcoming year, solidifying them as a global corporation.

Thinking of the Future of Our Planet

Many of the products that people use every day, such as soaps, toothpaste, and cosmetics contain various chemicals and additives. Selectively using safe, eco-friendly ingredients and materials is also a major characteristic of General Bio’s products. General Bio’s mission is to create products that are safe for children and families and to think of every consumer as our own family. By carefully choosing ingredients and materials to develop eco-friendly products that are beneficial for consumers as well as our planet.

The Path to a Cooperative Society

In addition to founding GCOOP (a distribution network) in 2015, CEO Jeong Hun Seo, also founded the ‘GCOOPER Foundation’ in 2018. The ‘GCOOPER Foundation’ is a non-profit organization that aims to create social value by mentoring social entrepreneurs and nurturing social enterprises to support growth in society.

In 2019, after successfully launching General Bio, GCOOP and the GCOOPER Foundation, CEO Jeong Hun Seo launched GFESTA, a shared shopping platform that directly connects social enterprises, local businesses, and co-operatives, with consumers. This platform allows these businesses an opportunity to effectively market and distribute their products and help them to expand and flourish.

With these subsidiaries in place, Jeong Hun Seo hopes to inspire others to join the wave of B Corps answering the next generations’ cry for a better world through business. Will your organization answer the call too?

It seems that nearly every week someone, somewhere in the world, declares that they’re transforming. Indeed, the latest Harvey Nash/KPMG CIO Survey shows that 44 percent of organizations aren’t just transforming, but they’re planning radical transformation. Yet, all too often — like British politicians and Brexit — they seem to have no idea what it means or how to do it.

I recently spoke to a Chief Information Officer (CIO) at a conference who asked my advice on how to get engagement for a significant digital transformation program. These are the questions I asked and the answers I received:

ME: What are you transforming?

CIO: Our technology.

ME: Yeah, but what are you transforming?

CIO: We’re implementing a new ERP and using new ways of working.

ME: OK, but what are you actually transforming?

CIO: Ways of working.

ME: From what to what?

CIO: From waterfall to agile.

ME: OK, so no waterfall projects anymore. Everything will be agile?

CIO: Well, …yah…there will still be some waterfall projects.

ME: So… what are you actually transforming?

Of course, the straightforward answer to my question is “the culture.” When I asked the CIO what he was doing to redefine the culture to realize the value from the new ERP system, he answered, “We’re sending everyone to a training course.”

Sending people to a course isn’t wrong — but it represents an old command and control approach, which fails to recognize that behavior change is the foundation for meaningful culture evolution. This means that tooling people up with the latest technical approach to delivery is only one small part of a larger piece of culture work. 

Yes, transforming the behavior of individuals can be hard work, which is why most organizations avoid it. Others might use lower headcount numbers when measuring transformation, rather than gauging the overall willingness of their people to embrace new ways of behaving and working.

For an organization to ensure that its people are fit for the future of work, it needs to allow time for them to define what the new, vibrant cultural state will require, and then hold them accountable to it.

How to evolve a workplace culture 

Successfully implementing a cultural evolution in a workplace requires six essential elements:

1. Make a sound business case for change. This will answer the “Why this? Why now?” questions and provide a foundation on which the activity required to deliver the change can be built. It’s not enough to say, “We need to change our culture,” but, like everything else, a sound rationale is needed so people can buy into it.

2. Involve everyone in a collaborative definition exercise. Workplace culture is the sum of everyone within it. Therefore, everyone needs to be involved in its definition. And nothing says, “This is different!” more than taking everyone off-site for two (or more) days and running a series of engaging exercises to do just that. The output will be a social contract (or culture deck) that accurately describes what staff needs from each other to be successful.

3. Lead the effort through a senior staff member. A senior executive within the business must be the catalyst behind the activity. This indicates the importance of the activity to the organization as a whole. 

4. Demand a growth mindset from the entire team. More than half of culture transformation efforts fail either because senior executives don’t model the agreed-upon behavior or employees defend the status quo. In other words, cultural transformations fail when the organization allows people to get in the way of progress. For cultures to evolve, everyone must be on board and be willing to do things differently. In those cases where staff remains entrenched in old ways of working, senior management must address their performance. But if senior executives show reluctance to change, the transformation is a lost cause.

5. Create a strong vision and definition of the future state. An aspirational statement, created by the team that motivates, inspires, and ensures those who are part of the culture understand what’s required of them will align individuals with the new culture. Articulating a vision will communicate how each employee contributes to the success of the organization. Employees should be able to draw a straight line from the work they do to the vision.

6. Provide clear, unambiguous communication. To achieve successful cultural evolution, high-level communication throughout the effort can curtail stress and anxiety among staff. Set expectations, not just about the culture definition activity, but also the personal change needed. This extends far beyond a blast email or displaying a poster written in Comic Sans font on a noticeboard. Regular communication from those accountable for the cultural evolution will help people believe in the change, feel part of it, and understand what’s required of them.

If organizations tell themselves that culture change will be hard, then that’s precisely what it will be. However, those organizations that dare to make it the essential thing and who are willing to stand behind its implementation will reap the rewards. 

Clients, customers, and employees all share one unique quality: being human. As human beings, we know when someone is being genuine as opposed to speaking “corporate talk,” mouthing the words that relegate us to being a number rather than an individual.

We know the difference between rote, systematic adherence to policies and procedures and addressing personal needs with interest and compassion. We know when someone is being authentic. We know when they’re being real.

One of the greatest competitive edges in business today is authenticity. Professionals and companies that encourage practices based on this authentic truth immediately differentiate themselves from the competition.

The Strategy: Be Your True Self

In life, as in business, our feelings impact our decisions. Years ago, when purchasing an automobile, I decided to avoid the tumultuous dance of a salesperson having to “check with the manager” over and over again to win the sale. Before walking into the dealership, I put time into research and was competent and knowledgeable about my purchase. Rather than go through the car-buying tug of war, I gave my price and said, “Take it or leave it.”

Since that time, I’ve incorporated this method into many areas of my life. Today, this take-it-or-leave-it strategy has transformed into “Here is my true self. Accept me or not.”

For many years, I played the part of who I thought others wanted me to be: the high performer, successful executive, strong male figure, breadwinner, husband, and father. Years of subduing my true self brought only unhappiness and a sense of dread. I felt a falseness that others would pick up on, a constant undercurrent in our interactions. When I was able to start sharing my real self as a unique and loving person, people around me began to have a very different experience.

While better products, improved customer service, and operational excellence are important attributes for a successful organization, authenticity separates the “good” from the “amazing.” It’s at the heart of the work we center on in supporting our clients and the companies they lead. Dare to be honest. Build strong ethics and integrity for yourself and your organization. Authenticity changes the playing field in a big way.

Here are five reasons to gain this competitive edge:

1. Authenticity ignites human connection

Human beings are highly complex, superconductive, electromagnetic miracles. The flow of positive energy increases when we are honest and genuine. You are never better, stronger, more creative, or compelling than when you are your true self. The energy you possess and emit connects you with your employees, your customers, and those you care for.

2. Authenticity opens the door to vulnerability — and unity

When we are vulnerable, we drop the false trappings of title, status, and formality. Human beings want to connect. Living in a way that’s open and honest, even while acknowledging your shortcomings and mistakes, is life-affirming and builds unity. Great leaders show their humanness, dropping the corporate guard and standing with those being led.

3. Authenticity allows you to learn about others, including your customers

If you live your life on the fringes—always being afraid of opening up, letting fear be the guide as opposed to love and compassion—you miss out on the wonderful experience of learning and knowing others on a deeper, more meaningful level. Being authentic creates room for others to do the same. Leadership is best delivered by modeling what you seek from others.

4. Authenticity moves you into the present

When you decide to show up as the real you, you have consciously moved into present, into a realm of real-time connections. Here, you are better able to make informed and enlightened choices, ones that uplift you and others. When you live in the present, you experience one interaction at a time despite the disruptive nature of a rapidly evolving digital world.

5. Authenticity changes your world perspective

When you no longer need to hide behind what others want you to be, say, or do, you put aside falseness and lies and open up to a world of endless and positive opportunities. Try it. You just might like it. Step into the full version of yourself.

Mitch Hedlund, founder of the nonprofit organization Recycle Across America (and Recycle Across the World), has joined us to discuss the U.S. and global recycling crisis and the increasing epidemic of waste in oceans. Hedlund explains how implementing society-wide standardized labels on recycling bins is proving to help solve these issues. She is working with leadership in D.C. to pursue legislation for the standardized label solution to make it possible for people to begin to recycle properly wherever they are — mirroring legislation in the 1950s that introduced standardized road signs which make it possible for people to be able to drive properly wherever they are. In this episode of the Real Leaders Podcast, Mitch and Kevin also discuss the international ocean waste crisis, and the work RAA/RAW is doing to expand the standardized label solution internationally, with partners such as the International Waste Platform. To join the standardized label movement, contact: https://www.RecycleAcrossAmerica.org

You can help FIX IT!

Text FIX IT to 40649 or click this link https://p2a.co/AJYO2QD to take action today.  Let’s get the standardized labels on recycling bins everywhere to make it possible for people to begin to recycle right. Let’s finally make it possible for the recycling industry and closed-loop manufacturing to thrive. 

Overwhelmed. That’s the word I hear most when I ask business leaders how they’re doing. Whether it’s leading a family or a business, everyone’s struggling to keep up with the unprecedented rate of change. There’s nothing we can do to reduce the complexity of our environment. But we can alter the way we interpret and think about it.

In our lives, we’re often faced with a problem to be solved that has one right answer. As you progress in your education and career, you’re faced with many of these scenarios. Do you go to college or straight into the workforce? Which subject should you major in? Do you take the offer from Company A or Company B? Should you leave this job and start your own business?

At work, you face similar types of problems and decisions. Which candidate do you hire? What assignment do you finish first? Do you ask for a raise, or don’t you?

In your personal life, you face the same endless problem-solving requirements around marriage, child-rearing, friendship, and so on.

But what about decisions that have two or more interdependent right answers? For example, think about parenting. If you’re raising children with someone else, you and your partner probably have different ideas about how to do it. You may be more controlling, and your partner may be more agreeable.

In this case, you’re not facing a problem to be solved. There is no one right answer. Instead, you’re dealing with a polarity (or tension) that can be leveraged. There are benefits and wisdom both to being controlling and being permissive. The problem is that you likely see most conflicts as problems that need solutions. And guess whose answer is usually right? Yours, of course.

Being aware of the distinction between problems to be solved and polarities to be leveraged is the difference between average performance and extraordinary results. You can’t truly master your environment if you don’t internalize this distinction. Once you do, I guarantee you’ll feel as if you are walking through a different world in which natural, healthy tensions abound. What once appeared as a decision between two alternatives requiring either/or thinking now shows up as a tension that can be leveraged through both/and thinking.

So what do you do when you encounter a polarity? How do you leverage tension?

Step One: Awareness

The initial step, of course, is awareness. You have to be able to see the polarity in the first place. This takes a bit of practice, but it changes the landscape. The next time an issue arises, step back and ask yourself: “Is this a problem, or a polarity?”

Step Two: Acknowledge Your Bias

The second step is to acknowledge you will always have a preference or bias for one pole over the other. For example, in my leadership, I confront the tension between challenging my team and celebrating with my team all the time. I have a preference for challenging others. That’s okay, as long as I’m aware of it and acknowledge it.

Step Three: Map the Polarity

The third step is to map the polarity. This is where the work of Barry Johnson, a polarity pioneer, has been so valuable. In a therapy session with a client in the 1970s, Johnson had one of those famous epiphanies and developed, in the session itself, what would become the standard template for mapping polarities.

Polarities were not a new discovery; of course, the wisdom of paradox is a tenet of most ancient traditions. Paradox is at the heart of Taoism, with the yin and the yang symbol speaking to the universal notion that all opposites are part of a greater whole. They are inseparable and give rise to each other.

Johnson’s genius was to apply this ancient wisdom to the complexity of modern life and give us tools to manage and leverage the inherent tensions that surround us effectively. Mapping a polarity means naming the benefits of each pole and the downsides of overfocusing on either pole. You’ll find tools and information on planning a polarity here.

Step Four: Commit to Specific Actions

Integrating a polarity is not easy, mainly when you’ve held a strong preference for one pole over the other. It requires you to do the hard work of committing to real, actionable items that effectively reap the benefits of both poles. This step is about going beyond a theoretical, intellectual exercise and committing to new, more effective behaviors.

For example, one action that’s become an ongoing practice for me in integrating the challenging/celebrating polarity is micro feedback. I no longer wait to give feedback; I give it regularly. And I do it in a way that benefits both poles. I try my best to find something in every situation to celebrate with the person I’m speaking to. And I find an opportunity to give constructive comments in areas I believe he or she can do better—not because I want to be critical, but because I see the potential within every person.

Polarity thinking is a game-changer. When you see tensions, you begin to see the wholeness of people and situations. And you do so without giving up your values, preferences, or convictions. In the words of Barry Johnson, “When I can see someone, I can love them.”

Think about the ramifications of this thinking for your relationships, for your development, and for the organizations you work with. And then begin to imagine a world, which today is perhaps more divided than ever, in which people increasingly can see and appreciate the inherent complexity of life rather than be unnecessarily divided by and trapped within the narrow thinking of an either/or mindset.

Imagine a world where either/or thinking has a prominent place and is supplemented by the power of both/and thinking. That’s a world I’d like my children to live in.