“Real empathy is sometimes not insisting that it is okay but acknowledging that it is not.” — Sheryl Sandberg

According to recent studies carried out by the Development Dimensions International, Empathy is the biggest single leadership skill needed today.

In a global survey, DDI discovered that the top ten performing businesses in the 160 studies the “Global Empathy Index” generated 50% more net income than the bottom ten performers. According to Richard S. Wellins, Ph.D., Senior Vice President of DDI, “Being able to listen and respond with empathy is overwhelmingly the one interaction skill that outshines all other skills.” 

Other research has backed up DDI findings. Dianne Crampton at Gonzaga University found that “Empathy is a universal team value that promotes high commitment and cooperation in the workplace. Becoming aware of the importance of their leaders developing empathy, companies are responding with sending their leaders to empathy training.”  According to the Wall Street Journal, 20% of employers now offer empathy training, which is up substantially from ten years prior. 
 
Here are five Reasons that Empathy is becoming the number one leadership skill:

1. Increased Employee Retention

One of the struggles that every organization faces is retaining talented staff. One of the most commonly cited reasons for people leaving an organization is a lack of trust and appreciation from those they report to. Empathy increases trust, a sense that staff is valued and cared about.   Whether in our personal relationships or part of an organization, we will be more likely to stay when we feel heard, appreciated, and cared about.  Developing and use of more Empathy by leaders goes a long way towards affecting people to stay.

2. Increase in Staff Engagement

Have you ever noticed that when someone close to you notices how you feel or tells you how much they appreciate something you have done for them?  You automatically have the urge to do more for them. In terms of employee engagement, it is known that when leadership demonstrates to employees that they care, the reciprocity reaction kicks in, and they want to put in more effort.  Somehow many organizations miss this basic yet very important point when it comes to leadership behaviors.  Successful organizations are aware of this, and their leaders continuously look for ways to notice, compliment, and look for ways to show their appreciation to their staff.
 

3. Increased Collaboration Between Team Members

Employees who feel valued and appreciated want to do more in their work, and they want to do more for their fellow employees.  When Empathy is demonstrated at the top, it is passed down throughout the organization, resulting in increased teamwork, a decrease in staff conflict, and a decrease in workplace disruption.  This collaboration will result in better-coordinated work effort and increased productivity.

4. Increase in Job Satisfaction and Decrease in Absenteeism

Staff who feel witnessed, heard, and appreciated feel more satisfied with their work and miss fewer days on the job.  As the level of job satisfaction decreases, so does the level of absenteeism. Staff who feel less committed to the organization will feel less motivated to come to work. Their rationale is that since nobody cares, so why should they.  Increased absenteeism decreases morale as coworkers who have to pick up the slack become resentful. This can create a downward spiral in terms of employee morale and absenteeism rates. 

5. Increase in Bringing Up New Ideas and Creativity

People who perceive they are part of an organization and feel heard and appreciated tend to risk more and look for ways to add increased value to the organization. They are more likely to put time and energies coming up with new ideas, processes, and methods to improve their work and move the organization forward. Their commitment to the organization makes them feel that their success and that of the organization are interrelated, boosting their desire to find new, better, and more efficient ways of working.

Putting it All Together

Increased Empathy of management in any organization results in many benefits to the well-being, commitment, and desire for staff to give their best.  This is a win-win situation for all concerned as the outcome is an increase in efficiency, productivity, and success of an organization.  As rising numbers of studies come to this conclusion, businesses will increasingly realize that greater leader empathy is not some feel good, soft skill, but rather an essential tool that their leaders will need to keep their organization competitive and successful.

When I was learning how to lead in the Marine Corps, I was presented with portraits of courage about leaders who’d sacrifice their lives for the safety and security of their colleagues, for their mission. 

Now, as the co-founder of Lead Star and author of the business book SPARK, I often get asked to speak to groups on courage in the workplace. Obviously, the context business leaders are in is quite different from the military environment I was trained in. Yet, courage in the workplace can still happen – and I’d argue that it needs to happen now more than ever. 

This past year, especially, has placed demands on business leaders that seemed inconceivable two years ago: transitioning workforces to virtual environments, dealing with un-planned disruptions, consistent rounds of layoffs, upset forecasts, and decision-making amidst tremendous uncertainty. We need courageous leaders during these times who can bravely and confidently go into the unknown. While these leaders may never experience the need for physical courage, here are four types of courage they can leverage to continuously level up :

1. Managerial Courage

When organizations are created, there’s an org chart that’s quick to follow. Every single box on it represents someone with the title “Manager” who, ultimately, is responsible for making sure that things get done: budgets met, processes ensured, and goals aligned. Simple enough, right? Well, add humans to the mix. When individuals get put into managerial positions, sometimes they’re not prepared to do the work of managers: set clear expectations, enforce standards, and hold people accountable for their performance. Managerial courage is having hard, uncomfortable conversations when it comes to people challenges. It’s telling an individual, even if they’re really nice, that they’re not achieving their potential. It’s having to let a toxic coworker go, even if they’re brilliant and possess knowledge that no one else in the business has. Courageous managers are those who dare to do what’s right for the business and the culture, even if it’s not the most popular or positive action to take. 

2. Intellectual Courage 

There comes a time in everyone’s career where they develop confidence in thinking for themselves and have an opinion of what’s right/what must be done. Demonstrating intellectual courage is a challenging feat for many because it means suspending your thoughts and opinions and being open to the viewpoints of others – regardless of who or where they come from – to get to the best solution. It’s an acknowledgment that despite what you know, you may not know everything, and not having the answers is okay. This can be uncomfortable in our society, where we applaud those for always being “right.” Demonstrating intellectual courage begins with being insanely curious about what you don’t know and accepting the opinions and ideas of others. It can be reflected in the statement, “I don’t really know; what do you think?” and being open to what others have to say. 

3. Moral Courage 

You’ve likely heard integrity described as doing the right thing, even when no one is looking. This is often easier said than done. There are many times when doing the right thing can be uncomfortable and unpopular; it can even put you in a disadvantage. Having moral courage can mean refusing to engage in workplace gossip and confronting those who do. It can mean letting your best, most favored team member go because they failed to follow the most critical of all safety protocols. It can also require assuming the blame for your team’s poor performance, even if you’re not the reason results weren’t met. We need morally courageous leaders in our business. They set a high, powerful standard for others to follow.

4. Social Courage 

The fourth aspect of courage needed is related to social courage, which means being authentically you. There are many times in our lives when we feel pressure to conform. Yet, when we assimilate, we shape-shift into a watered-down version of ourselves and lose our voice, that thing that makes us unique. We find ourselves doing the popular “thing” or participating in groupthink. What makes us leaders are our personal qualities, characteristics, and attributes. Those should never be muted. We need to lean into them to share our important point of view. Just think: the ideas you originate could be the ones that lead to breakthroughs for your organization. Having the moxie to articulate them, even when they run contrary to dominant thought, can help you distinguish your value to your team.

Courage comes in many shapes and forms. When leaders intentionally build these four aspects of courage, they enhance the contributions to whatever team they’re a part of. What’s more, their confidence in their own leadership ability begins to increase.

On the first day of school when I was a young boy, my mother suggested to my new teacher that she (they were all she’s) sit me at the school desk right in front of her. “You will thank me later,” she would tell them. I enjoyed hearing myself talk over quietly listening to the teacher. A few teachers ignored my mother’s advice and arranged the class seating alphabetically. After a week or so, I was seated at the desk right in front of the teacher.

Every leader at some point has an associate with way too much “extravertness” and a propensity to offer an opinion on any topic, regardless of qualifications. Consider it a gift — a much better extreme than the quiet associates who keep all opinions and views inside unless compelled to surface. The challenge is using a governor on the noisy team member without it becoming a muzzle.

Why Leaders Need Loudmouths

Noisy associates might need to be the center of attention, but they also can bring a level of honesty and transparency needed by a work group. They can encourage quieter associates to act on, “if she can say it, so can I.” Giving some rein to a live wire can signal openness for healthy dissent and alternative points of view. As the leader, you telegraph the actual boundaries of decorum by what you allow loud mouths to “get away with.” Done correctly, it can foster authenticity and elevate trust.

History has had its share of noisy people of influence. President Bill Clinton, TV personality Oprah, actor Tom Hanks, both prime minister Margaret Thatcher and Winston Churchill were all people who could talk their way out of almost anything. Apple founder Steve Jobs and boxer Muhammed Ali were famous for pontificating on most any topic and enjoying an egocentric status. Their propensity to talk provided assertive leadership; it also sometimes squelched other speakers around them.

Why Loudmouths Need Leadership

My most frequent critique growing up was, “Can you just be quiet for a while?” My cousins were more graphic, labeling me a “blabbermouth” — meaning “just talking to hear oneself talk” with little consideration for substance. The moniker comes in several other forms — chatterbox, motormouth, or windbag. Loudmouths need external guidance to surface relevance and meaning rather than it solely becoming time-wasting noise.

Loudmouths are sometimes like the smart kid in school who put his or her hand up first every time the teacher asked a question. They gave little consideration to “let someone else have a turn.” They can dominate a discussion by assertively controlling who gets in. Their non-ending monologue can create boredom and impatience from other team members. Without supervision, their voices (and opinions) are the only ones considered, potentially leading to poor decisions and conclusions that fail to reflect the expertise of others. It takes leadership to ensure there is a diversity of views and airtime to others. Here are three ways to lead a loudmouth.

1. Provide Private Coaching

In a one-on-one conversation, thank the noisy team member for her or his consistent contribution. Let the person know you value their passion and interest. Solicit the person’s help in allowing others to have an opportunity to speak their mind. Let the person know you are not bothered by long periods of silence after soliciting input. To a highly extroverted associate, silence is uncomfortable, often compelling them to fill it with verbiage. Be prepared to have another coaching session, one that is sterner. Remind the person that your guidance is grounded in your concern for the entire team and your leadership responsibility to give everyone a voice.

2. Gently Rein in Loudmouth Dominance

Despite your thoughtful coaching, old habits may be hard to break. There may still be times when the dominating talker wants to take over a team discussion. Comments like, “George, I know you have an opinion on this; let’s find out what someone else thinks about this” can nip an assertive talker in the bud before it blossoms into their taking over. You might need to specifically ask another person for a view as in, “Jane, what are your thoughts?” It might be necessary to interrupt a long monologue with, “Pardon me for interrupting, George, but could you give me a brief example?” As soon as the “short example” has ended, direct the discussion to someone else.

3. Let the Person Switch Places

Sometimes, allowing the person in charge can help. I worked with an effective CEO who rotated leadership of regular staff meetings. He always opened meetings by making it clear all views were to be given a voice and the discussion shared by everyone. He also reminded the team that the only way to get through the agenda was to have no grandstanding or soapbox speeches. After his resident loudmouth team member had taken a turn in the leadership seat, the person commented that he never realized how much he dominated meetings until he was “forced”to be on the other side as a listener.

It is easy to communicate dark judgment when publicly dealing with a loudmouth. While you may gain their quietness, you risk nurturing a culture of caution on the part of your whole team. However, as the guardian of team communication, it is your role to find productive ways to channel verbosity, quill individual dominance, and support diverse views. Remember: loudmouths are rarely noisy to lessen your authority but rather to spotlight their presence.

When we think of some great leaders, humility may not come to the top of how we would describe them. The bigger-than-life leaders such as Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, or Bill Gates would likely be described as visionary, bold, and charismatic. Yet, if we look more closely, we find leaders like Richard Branson, who is humble and laid back. A survey of computer product firms published in the Journal of Management found that humble leaders resulted in higher-performing teams, better collaboration, and flexibility.

Other research has found that humble leaders are better listeners, more flexible, and inspire greater teamwork. Millennials make up over a third of the U.S. labor force and are changing the way we view leadership. The authoritarian leadership style is out, as is the flashy, ego-driven, self-serving, attention-seeking type. What is vogue is the servant type of leader, humble, collaborative, and driven by the well-being of the staff and the organization in service of the greater good. As millennials are not afraid to leave jobs when they are not feeling fulfilled and appreciated, organizations are paying more attention to the type of leadership they thrive in.  

Here are seven reasons that humble leaders are increasingly sought after. 

1. Do not abuse their authority. 

We have all heard horror stories of power-hungry, status-seeking leaders and their damage to those under them and ultimately to the organization. Humble leaders see themselves more as coaches and mentors, always looking for ways to encourage others and bring out the best in them. Instead of keeping authority and control, they look for ways to delegate and allow others to take on and expand their leadership potential.   

2. Constantly look to promote others. 

Humble leaders understand the need for others to succeed and are constantly looking for ways to develop and expand leadership opportunities of those that work for them. They promote based on skill, talent, hard work, and talent. Unlike self-serving leaders, they are not likely to be impressed by those who look to get ahead simply by ingratiating
themselves to those in positions of authority. Not having big egos that need to be stroked, they are less likely to be taken in by flattery and insincere attempts to get on their good side.  Their humility allows them to focus on the big picture and see how the organization’s overall success will be improved by developing authentic, deserving leaders.  

3. Model and support collaboration. 

Rather than having people competing with one another, humble leaders encourage and reward them for collaborating. This increases teamwork capabilities and results in increased trust among team members.  Heightened competition amongst team members results in mistrust, with time and energy spent on vying for a position rather than focusing on the team’s work. When collaboration becomes the norm, team members feel more relaxed and can bring their full abilities and skills to the workplace. 

4. Model integrity and trust. 

Humble leaders do not make promises that they do not keep or try to build up their reputations by shows of aggrandizement and pretense. With them, what you see is what you get. Instead of flashy words and talk, they back up what they say with action. Team and community-oriented, they are always looking for ways to help and don’t find any level of work in their organization to be beneath them. To learn more about the organization, they might be found pitching in to help in all situations that may require immediate attention. This kind of engagement earns them respect and trust from those that work under them. 

5. Supportive of their staff. 

Humble leaders look for opportunities to catch their staff doing something well and let them know at every opportunity. They will acknowledge when something went wrong but focus on solutions and learning opportunities rather than blame and punishment. Being humble does not mean they are pushovers. They can set firm boundaries and are open about what they look for in others. Those that work for a humble leader will know what is expected of them and not have to be worried about criticism, being called out in public, or humiliated in front of their coworkers. In my book, The Other Kind of Smart, I talk about the importance of appreciation and admitting mistakes. They know that even if they have made a mistake, they will be listened to, understood, and given the opportunity to make changes.  

6. Ready and able to admit their mistakes and shortcomings.

Humble leaders do not need to feel they have to be the smartest person in the room. They are secure enough in themselves that they do not feel threatened when others know more than they do. When they make mistakes, they openly admit to them, rather than trying to hide or cover them up. If someone comes up with a better idea than they have, they don’t feel it is beneath them to accept it. They don’t see vulnerability as a weakness; instead, they see it as a way of giving those that report to them permission to be so. This creates a less stressed, open, and emotionally healthy workplace for everyone, allowing everyone to be themselves and focus on their work. 

7. Are first to take responsibility and last to take credit. 

Humble leaders demonstrate that the buck stops with them and take responsibility when things don’t work out. On the other hand, they will graciously give credit to others when things go well. They have a team-first mindset, always looking for ways to support and get the most from their teams. When their teams do well, they seldom take credit themselves, realizing the importance of praise, appreciation, and acknowledgment to motivate their people to give their best.

We are amid a tremendous post-pandemic hiring surge in 2021, which creates an opportunity for leaders at all levels. Most employers now want to demonstrate they’ve learned from the season of social justice protests, calls for greater equity, and realize the importance of diversity and inclusion to attract great employees.

But for organizations to really thrive, they must embrace the key principles of J.E.D.I. Leadership (social justice, equity, diversity, inclusion) to ensure their walk matches the talk. To keep new employees engaged, productive, and proud to represent their company, here are five reasons why J.E.D.I. Leadership is a crucial element of the modern employee experience.

Why does Employee Experience matter?

In recent years, “Customer Experience” (CX) was the most popular buzzword in all types of businesses. With these efforts focused on three pillars, degree of product adoption by customers or Net Promoter Score (NPS), Customer Acquisition Cost (CAS), and Customer Lifetime Value (CLV), organizations aligned themselves behind a mission of outdoing rivals by increasing brand stickiness, enhancing brand magnetism, and augmenting product and service offerings to their loyal customer base. Digital transformation was part and parcel of elevating the customer experience as new platforms, capabilities, and ways of working were introduced.

But something crucial was missed on this journey to the utopia of optimized CX — the experience for employees who are required to design and deliver on the new standards of customer satisfaction, retention, and valuation.

As companies have increased overall attention and investment, they faltered in their people’s attraction, development, and retention efforts. Instead of improving the basics of sourcing the right type of future excellent team players (those precious few with the right combination of work ethic, heart, optimism, and maturity: W.H.O.M.), Human Resources departments are using AI and automated interviewing solutions to make candidate filtering easier for them.

Instead of enhancing onboarding practices by ensuring that hiring managers are actively engaged in this process and building trust with their new employees, many leaders miss this critical opportunity with employee handbooks and technology on day one, a facility tour on day two, an HR seminar on day three, and then told to get to work.

A better way for managers to onboard new hires would be to ask them for help setting clear performance expectations, building development goals for discovering and enabling employee strengths, and ensuring seamless integration into their teams. Unfortunately, manager development is deprioritized in favor of a faulty focus on “A Player” discovery and promotion.

With the additional expectations that create J.E.D.I. workplace cultures where injustice is minimized, equity is maximized, diversity is truly valued, and everyone is included, employee experience is likely to fall even further behind the necessary standards without a commitment for change at all levels of management.

What is J.E.D.I. Leadership?

Work is evolving away from the standard top-down hierarchy and toward a more lean, agile, collaborative, and decentralized organizational model. As the modern leadership gurus from Stephen Covey to Simon Sinek have been advocating for years now, modern models require a modernization of leadership.

This leadership shift requires a detox from the era of bossdom for managers and an embrace of the new era of stakeholder capitalism (enhancing value for employees, customers, communities, the environment, and shareholders) where shareholders are only one of five primary stakeholders — not the only stakeholder.

And Servant Leadership (an orientation away from bossing employees and toward leading with humility, will, and empathy) can provide the needed cleansing.

By tuning into employee needs, managers and organizational leaders will become far more aware of the internal injustices, inequities, uniformities, and exclusions their people face in trying to do their best work. Attacking these issues requires leaning into the principles of justice, equity, diversity, and inclusion and influencing the transformation of internal policies, frameworks, procedures, and systems into those that enhance J.E.D.I. for everyone.

J.E.D.I. is not the work of a few — it requires a systemic top-down commitment to positive actions to eradicate toxic factors in favor of a culture where justice is prioritized, equity is the standard, diversity is truly valued and leveraged, and inclusion is commonplace.

As the good people at PolicyLink state in their Equity Manifesto: “This requires that we understand the past, without being trapped in it; embrace the present, without being constrained by it; and look to the future, guided by the hopes and courage of those who have fought before and beside us.”

Why is J.E.D.I. Leadership essential NOW?

With employees demanding change, here are five reasons why J.E.D.I. Leadership must be the new priority to enhance the employee experience and help organizations thrive in 2021:

1. J.E.D.I. Culture Enhancement

Every company needs to go through a detox. By eliminating unnecessary hierarchies and ego-driven policies, practices, and behaviors that come with them in favor of a culture where servant leaders are valued and given runway to excel, everyone will be assured that transformation from the inside out will be prioritized, activated, and continued. This work requires acknowledgment at all levels of the toxic policies that have been permitted to pervade the organization — those that created systemic injustices, inequities, promoted uniformity, and disparaged inclusion — will be placed into the light and dealt with accordingly.

2. J.E.D.I. Talent Acquisition

As the old adage goes, “garbage in, garbage out.” Today’s new joiners are tomorrow’s senior leaders. If they have problematic values walking in the door, the likelihood of their changing their stripes as they ascend the ranks is highly unlikely. By enhancing values screening with J.E.D.I. questions, recruiters can better ascertain red flags before hiring decisions are made.

3. J.E.D.I. Onboarding

When a new employee starts, first impressions are made and solidified. It is a great opportunity to show new joiners the J.E.D.I. work that has been done and is continuing to enhance the environment for everyone. Exposing new employees to a variety of internal stakeholders involved in these programs will ensure that they feel it is a true priority and gives comfort that they are in the right place. Including them in J.E.D.I. efforts right out of the gate is also a great way for them to meet people across functions and departments, build their networks, and feel valued right away.

4. J.E.D.I. Manager Assessment

Because employees experience a company through the lens of their managers, ensuring that the right people are in leadership roles is absolutely critical. An honest review of leaders will require a painful culling of the herd, as we have learned due to the experiences with sexual harassment in the workplace. By merely training and communicating new policies to managers, it fails to transform beliefs, values, and behaviors toward employees. If employees hear one thing from senior leaders and experience another from their line managers, the organization loses all credibility. It’s time for a full refresh at the managerial level, which has long been needed (Gallup reports that 82% of those in managerial roles are the wrong fits for the role.)

5. J.E.D.I. Managerial Effectiveness Training

With new policies and commitments at every level to create a culture where everyone can thrive, managers will be responsible for continuously enforcing and enhancing these standards. Managerial purpose will need to be realigned, incentives will need to be revisited, and practices reinvented. Taking quick action against bad actors and rewarding and recognizing those doing it right are key reinforcements that will demonstrate what the organization truly values.

What’s new in 2021 is that our global economy is now demanding that leaders find more ways to make justice, equity, diversity, and inclusion become a plus for business — starting with employees. Everyone will play an important role in this J.E.D.I. Leadership movement. And yes, this change will take time, patience, and resilience.

The only question remaining for everyone in leadership roles at corporations, startups, and entrepreneurs is: What are you doing to take action and be a J.E.D.I. Leader today?

Steve Jobs, Satya Nadella, Herb Kelleher, Jeff Bezos, Jack Welch: these and thousands of other leaders are credited — maybe accused — of singlehandedly shaping their organizational cultures. To anthropologists, this is an odd claim. Anthropologists have studied culture closely since the late 1800s. Nowhere in this literature is it found that leaders shape or change culture.

What is going on? Have social scientists gotten it wrong? Or, like feasting on tabloid headlines in the supermarket check-out, are we so obsessed with leadership and culture we succumb to popular myth?

When it comes to corporate culture, unfortunately, the answer is yes.

The urban legend of leaders singularly and causally shaping their cultures is an invention of business schools and consultants at the service of CEOs seeking competitive advantage. Competitive advantage is the bedrock of capitalism, but trying to control the workforce to achieve some particular gain or outcome by hoping our behavior as leaders is followed, no matter how altruistic or well-intended, is misguided.

This is one reason why most managed culture change fails to achieve its objectives and wastes inordinate amounts of time, energy, and money.

It’s Not So Simple

If it were as easy as the leader ‘setting the tone’, ‘walking the talk’, ‘saying the right thing’, or enacting any of the other bromides in the thousands of books and articles on culture, the recipe would be straightforward. Articulate your desired norms or values and start behaving that way, and the rest of your organization will magically fall in line.

Culture relates to leadership, but the relationship is not linear. We have been learning about the brain and culture over the last 30 years from cognitive science, which fundamentally changes how we work with culture.

There are five major reasons why culture-shaping takes a lot more than leaders modeling behavior.

1. We Dumb It Down 

Culture has been an object of fascination — and a billion-dollar industry — since the mid-1970s when Doug McGregor at MIT suggested that the role of management, rather than coercing and controlling employees, was what created the right environment for people to do their best work. If managers did that, profits would follow. Suddenly culture was the solution, and a fad was born.

Ever since, business schools and consultants have sought to simplify culture so it could be easily consumed by impatient and pragmatic managers allergic to complex ideas that aren’t easy to understand and implement.

The results are predictable: most culture change programs don’t work because the concept is so over-simplified or vague (e.g., norms; values; ‘how we do things around here’) it is meaningless. This means managers wind up chasing the wrong variable, like changing people’s values or dealing with symptoms rather than the root cause.

2. Where’s the Science?

There is surprisingly little science behind what is taken for ‘truth’, such as ‘culture starts at the top’, or a strong culture drives business performance. Some of the most popular works on culture, such as Peters and Waterman’s In Search of Excellence, or Kotter and Heskett’s Corporate Culture and Performance, were based on old theories or problematic assumptions built off claims of causality explainable by other factors. Many of the companies in these books cited for having strong cultures later went out of business.

We wouldn’t accept being told the only way to successfully manage financial performance is to solely focus on EBITDA, or that every marketing strategy must include television advertising. Yet when consultants or academics try to claim a certain culture empirically leads to better performance or happier people, they do so by reducing culture to a single variable, like values or employee attitudes, to ‘prove’ said value or attitude is responsible. We willingly accept explanations for culture based on gross oversimplification as plausible, even though culture is among the most complex of human social phenomena.

3. We Are Obsessed with Leadership

We believe leaders shape culture because it is deeply consistent with what we want to believe. Heroism, self-reliance, and self-perfection are ideals bestowed on us from the 17th century, forged through the experience of survival and colonization of a wild American continent.

These ideals evolved into dominant cultural assumptions about good leadership based on the leader’s benevolent and striving self-image. The CEO and top management’s creativity, humanism, and technical brilliance are what creates culture.

From the perspective of modern cognitive science, this is understandable but naïve. For one, leaders tend to believe they are much more influential than they really are. This is part of a well-studied broader phenomenon of optimistic and egocentric bias in individual decision-making.

And cultures form in any group with or without obvious leaders. We tend to attribute culture to the founder’s ideals and ideas, but studies show cultures form out of what is meaningful. The experience of a successful start-up imparts meaningful knowledge to the collective codified as habits and routines, practices that are the carriers of culture. The founder’s ideals and ideas might — or might not — have been responsible for that experience.

All of this is perhaps why a recent Gartner survey with over 7500 employees and 190 HR leaders shows that what leaders say and how they behave impacts only 1 percent of the alignment between the workforce and culture.

4. Trickle-Down Economics Doesn’t Work for Culture

The idea that organizations will somehow adopt what their leaders say and do rests on a faulty assumption about power and influence based on economic theories of social change. Like trickle-down economics, the assumption is the organization is watching and listening to your every word and action.

An overly demanding boss will impact the behavior of his subordinates, but that behavior is not predictable. Some subordinates react by constantly striving to exceed the boss’ demands, while others tune him out and become apathetic or demotivated. And how subordinates behave with their direct reports is subject to many other motivational and contextual variables.

If raising children was simply a matter of telling them what to believe and value, the meaning of a society’s messages would be immediately clear to any child that learned them. Unfortunately, the transmission of beliefs, values, and norms (and such) is far more complicated because the realities of the social order are far more complicated.

And so it is in organizations.

5. Complex Change is … Well, Complex

Complex change doesn’t happen through individual Influence. It might take a charismatic or visionary leader to state a need or point in a direction, but this is never enough.

Research on social diffusion clarifies that key influencers are no more likely to be influential in complex change than average employees. Without sufficient social structure to bring people together — offices, functions, departments, project teams, affinity groups, and similar formal and informal organizational structures — the spread of cultural norms and practices is highly unlikely.

Research on the impact of norms and values on a group shows that outside norms and values impact a target group only when most individuals already behave in the desired way or share that value. When leaders believe they are imposing their norms and values on their organizations, the norms and values are usually there to begin with.

Time to Get Smarter: There is a Better Way

Leaders do have something to do with culture. It’s just a lot more complicated than we have been led to believe.

A more sophisticated way to think about this relationship, consistent with modern science, goes like this: leaders set agendas and priorities, allocate capital, set aside resources, establish accountability structures, and determine rewards. These actions influence organizational practices that shape how people think and act.

Practices — everyday habits, routines, and processes by which your business runs — are key to culture shaping and change because when we engage in them over time, our brain chemistry changes. Even in the most well-publicized cases of charismatic leadership ostensibly shaping culture, one sees organizational practices at the heart of the shaping on closer examination.

The bottom line: leaders are one input into culture, albeit a critically important one —when practices are the lever in change.

By welcoming fear and feedback, you can become a more vulnerable and gracious leader. Here are a few great ways to embrace vulnerability.

Most people immediately equate the idea of leadership with how you run your business. But to me, leadership is simple: It’s about how you show up. It’s how you inspire and support your people, your stakeholders, and your company or agency as a whole.

Great leadership isn’t just about getting people to do what you want. It’s about inspiring them to want to do what you ask because they are emotionally invested in the company.

Your leadership capabilities were never tested more than they were in 2020. You had to make significant decisions for your company or agency with limited information — all while instilling confidence in your people that you would guide them through the storm of the pandemic. It might have been the most challenging thing you’ve ever done, but trust me when I say it was worth it.

You’re reaping the benefits of that commitment as we move through 2021 and beyond. Your team sees you differently, and its members admire and respect you because you remained transparent even when you didn’t have the answers.

They saw your vulnerability, they know you were repairing the plane while flying it, and they appreciate you for it. That’s why employee engagement rates are trending up — because you experienced adversity together and were better for it.

Stuck in Survival Mode?

Wherever we head next, it has to be less tumultuous than 2020. You might feel stuck and like you don’t know what to do now that you’re out of survival mode. The natural temptation is to leave your guard up, but you have to fight it.

Your people love you for the more relatable and open-minded leader you have become. It’s crucial to make time for your team and cultivate trust with them. Be present with them, listen to them, and understand them. Nothing matters more than you and your team’s happiness. If that’s what you’re focused on, the rest will fall into place.

The good news is that you already have great momentum! No one had the answers in 2020. As a leader, you were forced to show your hand, become transparent, and embrace vulnerability. You don’t move backward from a change like that. By embracing the headway you’ve already made as a transparent and relatable leader, you’ll be able to carry that growth forward into the future.

The Value of Vulnerability

Great discomfort always precedes great outcomes, and you have to be willing to let yourself feel uncomfortable before seeing the benefits. Here’s how to take the leap to open up, even when it’s not easy.

1. Welcome feedback.

Embracing criticism may not sound fun, but it’s necessary if you want to grow as a leader and help your employees become more engaged and happy. Remember that feedback fosters vulnerability, which breeds authenticity. This openness will ultimately strengthen your team as a whole.

Communicate to your team that you’re open to hearing from them — and listen when they share their opinions. You can remain confident while getting vulnerable with your team. The ability to pair the two will be a critical leadership skill moving forward.

Listen without getting defensive, and practice active listening skills to show your team that you are genuinely and authentically engaged with what they have to say. Be sure to follow up so they know that even if their ideas weren’t implemented exactly as you asked, the ideas informed other decisions you made and did make a difference.

2. Face fear head-on.

Leaders often shy away from vulnerability because they don’t like feeling weak, unprepared, or open to criticism. Fear is at the root of this reservation. To be a great leader, you have to push aside your worries and lead from the heart.

We don’t use these words enough in business, but I believe there is a place in our business vernacular for words like love, commitment, compassion, and grace. These are all qualities of leaders who are willing to wear their hearts on their sleeves from time to time.

3. Evaluate your tolerance.

Last December, I had a conversation with an agency owner about how her year was ending. Despite the pandemic’s challenges, she was able to make a remarkable shift in her business.

She listed off small reasons she thought contributed to the pivot, but I responded, “With all due respect, I don’t think it’s any of that. You stopped tolerating mediocrity in 2020. You finally held your vendors, your partners, and your employees to a different standard of excellence, and they either rose to that standard or left — and now you’re surrounded by excellence.”

That owner decided to stop accepting ordinary effort. Sometimes, being a great leader isn’t about what you say and do. It’s about who and what you tolerate in your business.

Our business culture doesn’t do true leadership justice. “Leadership” often gets relegated to the same bucket as running a business, but it’s actually about how you show up, embrace vulnerability, and prioritize the long-term growth of your people and your company. By letting yourself welcome fear and feedback, you can become a more vulnerable and gracious leader this year and beyond.

Since the onset of COVID 19, our workplaces have seen massive disruption.

One of these was the number of people working from home. Even though that number had been steadily rising over the years, COVID forced an unprecedented number of employees to work from home. For some, this was a welcome change, while for others, it forced them into a situation they were not prepared for and would have difficulty adjusting to mentally and emotionally. One of the biggest challenges faced by remote employees is remaining engaged with their organizations and feeling that their employer understands what they are going through. A 2019 survey found that 82% of staff would think about leaving their organization for a more empathic organization. Empathy is a major part of emotional intelligence.  78% of those surveyed stated they would work longer hours if they knew their employer cared about them.

In my book, The Other Kind of Smart, I talk about the importance of empathy. When face-to-face interactions have decreased due to remote work, the importance of emotional intelligence and feeling connected has become increasingly important. Letting employees know they are thought of and cared for is more difficult when they work remotely, making it increasingly important that leaders make an effort to do so.  

Here are five things emotionally intelligent leaders can do to make their remote employees want to stay:

1. Do not assume everything is okay if you don’t get feedback.

Having remote employees makes it more difficult to spot someone who is struggling mentally and emotionally. The outward signs of stress could be a decrease in caring about things such as physical appearance, and stress, body language, and other signs of stress can easily be hidden when an employee is not physically present. Employees who are struggling may be hesitant to reach out to their supervisors or others for fear of being needy, dependent, or unable to do the work they were hired to do. To overcome the handicap of not seeing their people in person, emotionally intelligent leaders need to make the extra effort to be there for them when needed.

2. Screen time is the second-best option from face-to-face contact.

While screen time does not take the place of in-person interaction, it beats email and phone for communication. At least we can see the other person’s face, giving us some feeling of being connected. Together with using their voices, emotionally intelligent leaders can demonstrate that they care by only limiting email use to information sharing but using screen time for any in-depth discussions.  

3. Increase personal contact.

Leaders need to regularly check in on their employees, preferably via zoom or another screen platform. This needs to be done so that their people don’t suspect that the purpose is to monitor their work or an attempt to micromanage. Emotionally intelligent managers can build trust with their staff by being open, transparent, and sharing their own struggles. Listening also connects us. According to Moshe Cohen, author of Collywobbles: How to Negotiate When Negotiating Makes You Nervous, by asking open-ended questions and listening without interruption, emotionally intelligent managers demonstrate respect for their people while also uncovering their concerns and supporting their needs.

4. Look for opportunities to set up supportive networks for staff.

Not all people who work remotely have the same struggles. Some will have to look after children who are not going to school due to COVID. Others may be caregivers, looking after elderly parents at home. Leaders or human resource people could set up networking meetings to connect with and support staff with specific issues. Employee assistance programs could take the lead on setting this up and facilitating such groups. If unable to set up internal networks, leaders should investigate and develop a list of proven external organizations that provide support for various problems their staff may be facing. These could be shared with staff, and employees encouraged to use them and share their own experiences with them if they used them.  

5. Set up virtual celebrations to celebrate successes and special events.

While personal gatherings and going out for a drink after work has fallen by the wayside, there is no reason not to have some fun virtually. Special themed events such as wear your ugliest sweater or some other article of clothing could still be fun. Prizes could be offered to the winner that everyone votes on. The most creative drink concoction that everyone would consume could be interesting. Providing their staff with memorabilia with the company name or logos on them, such as coffee mugs or articles of clothing to be worn during meetings, would help create a feeling of being part of the group while working virtually. Emotionally intelligent leaders could ask for ideas from the group, have them voted on, and have prizes for the most popular ones. Our imagination is the only limit to the things we can do in this area.  

Even if you are quite independent and would not currently require any support that the organization you worked for provided for its people, it would be a comfort to work for a company that cares about its people. Just knowing that would be a major factor in deciding whether to stay and for how long.

Stakeholder engagement is one of the more critical aspects of leadership. Stakeholders can be anyone from your frontline employees to suppliers to business partners, and your organization’s relationship with them is dynamic and can change over time.

There are many advantages to identifying and getting to know your stakeholders, and even more disadvantages to not engaging with them. A failure to understand their needs can lead to blind spots for managers and executives, which can have disastrous effects, such as low employee morale or a dismal bottom line.

On the other hand, effective engagement can result in increased productivity and more robust financials. We can also use research-based strategies to notice such blind spots so we can overcome them.

Identifying Your Key Influencers

While you might be inclined to start engaging with all the stakeholders in your organization immediately, it would be more practical to focus on the relationships that matter the most. This means sitting down with your team, coming up with a list of all stakeholders, and then whittling down this list to the people who have the most impact on your organization – these are your key influencers. Even though it might be tempting to address the concerns of all your stakeholders, limited time and resources mean that you will accomplish more by addressing a targeted list.

When determining who your key influencers are, look for these three attributes:

1. The stakeholder has a significant impact on your company’s growth. This means that the long-term success of your company hinges in large part on a continued relationship with this individual or group.
2. The stakeholder cannot easily be replaced: from a top-performing department or a time-tested supplier, you can identify who this stakeholder is by assessing past performance.
3. The relationship is mutual: you can clearly identify what you need from the stakeholder and vice versa. Your organization’s goals and desired results align with those of this individual/organization.

Just recently, I sat down with Bill, my coaching client and healthcare entrepreneur leader. He and his senior management team had been trying to get support from patient groups to encourage the widespread adoption of their innovative medical equipment.

However, it had been a year since they launched this initiative, and they had not gained sufficient traction. Bill suspected that it might be due to the higher cost of their medical equipment. His first instinct was to do one-on-one outreach to key influencers in patient groups to explain that while his organization’s products had a higher price tag, they used a more advanced technology that yielded better results. It also came with a more comprehensive and more extended warranty period compared with competing products.

Bill approached me after preparing a list of more than 40 key influencers. He was having difficulty making a strategy on how to address them and was feeling pressured because he needed to present his findings and results in an upcoming meeting with investors.

When I checked Bill’s list, I noticed that he had included a wide variety of influencers, including many who did not have a key decision-making role in shaping the advocacy efforts of patient groups. We pared his list to just eight key leaders of patient’s groups, and because they had many similar concerns and priorities, Bill was much better able to come up with a plan to engage with them.

Be Prepared by Doing a Pre-Engagement Assessment Using These 8 Questions

Regardless of the urgency, do a pre-engagement check before you engage with your key influencers directly. This will prepare you for the meetings and lead to productive discourse.

Otherwise, you might fall into the dangerous judgment error known as the false consensus effect, where you assume other people are more similar to you and more inclined to do what you want them to do than is really the case. The false consensus effect is just one out of over 100 mental blindspots that scholars in cognitive neuroscience and behavioral economics call cognitive biases.

The questions below are informed by cutting-edge neuroscience research on addressing these cognitive biases, along with my own experience of over two decades coaching and training leaders on stakeholder engagement.

1. What are their feelings, values, goals, and incentives around this issue?

Bill’s key influencers — the eight leaders of patient groups — were willing to try a better product. However, they were wary of endorsing more expensive equipment without being able to justify the higher price point to their respective patient groups.

2. What is their story around this issue?

The key influencers wanted to find the best equipment to endorse to their patient’s groups but were cautious due to several substandard products they have tried in the past.

3. What is their identity and sense of self as tied to the issue?

The leaders of the patient’s groups take their responsibilities very seriously by keeping up to date with the latest research and equipment available.

4. How are they the hero in their own story?

Bill’s key influencers know that they are in the frontlines when pushing for a better quality of life for the patients. Most of them have been directly or indirectly affected by the medical condition the equipment seeks to address and want to be part of the solution.

5. Why should they want to listen to your message and do what you want?

The leaders of the patient’s groups will benefit from hearing Bill’s take on the product’s efficiency. As the head of his organization, his message comes with a high degree of credibility, and the key influencers can share his message with confidence.

6. What obstacles would prevent them from listening to your message and doing what you want?

If Bill confirms that the medical equipment’s higher cost is the main point of contention, he needs to address this issue. Otherwise, the key influencers will not listen to anything else he has to say.

7. How can you remove the obstacles and increase the rewards for them listening to you and doing what you want?

Bill decided that he will immediately address the price issue in his meeting with the key influencers. He planned to discuss how his organization’s innovative medical equipment was the best choice in terms of quality and warranty.

8. Who do you know that can give you useful feedback on your answers to the previous pre-engagement assessment questions?

I connected Bill with Jolinda, the leader of a well-organized patient’s group, for over a decade. Although her group represented the interests of patients with a different medical condition not relevant to the equipment made by Bill, she was willing to share her perspective as a key influencer.

Conclusion

Your organization’s relationship with your stakeholders will change over time, and you will face different issues at varying difficulty levels. However, by learning how to identify your key influencers and doing pre-assessment checks before engaging with them, you will be able to have productive discussions and grow deeper relationships.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) can be the difference between a good leader and a great one.

Simply put, those with a high EQ can manage and control their emotions and — even more critically — effectively manage the emotions of those they work alongside. They can listen to others, take on board feedback and ideas, motivate their team, identify conflict before it causes a problem, and create a workplace where they and all those around them feel flexible, supported, and encouraged to bring their ‘A game.’

Don’t be fooled either. This isn’t some fuzzy concept of ‘team spirit’ — leaders with high EQ levels deliver material, quantifiable benefits to their organization’s bottom line. According to one study done by Lyle Spencer for the Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations, “for every 1% improvement in the service climate, there is a 2% increase in revenue.” Another study found that 63% of employees have wasted time to avoid a low EQ leader, 75% of employees said it had led to waning commitment, and 12% actually quit their job because of it.

For leaders in the impact sector, this arguably matters even more too. The ability to communicate, spark passion, and generate innovative ideas is critical to your success as a change leader and delivering real change as an organization.

Now you might be one of the lucky ones and naturally possess a high level of emotional intelligence. It’s thought that genetics account for about 10% of a person’s empathy (or lack thereof), with how you were raised another big contributor. But even if that isn’t the case, the good news is that it’s a skill. That means it can be learned and improved upon throughout your working life, even if it doesn’t feel natural at first.

Here are four great ways to get started:

1. Practice mindfulness.

Mindfulness is a great way to start developing EQ as it teaches ways to better connect with your own thoughts and emotions and manage them too. It’s no wonder progressive organizations like Google at one point hired their own’ head of mindfulness’ with a job description that included KPIs such as ‘enlighten minds, open hearts and create world peace.’ With the practice gaining global attention for all of its (scientifically backed) benefits, the great news is you don’t need to rely on your organization delivering its own mindfulness program for employees as Google did either. Try out one of these online mindfulness meditation courses for beginners, or download an app like Headspace or Calm — both of which offer a great mix of guided meditations and mindfulness courses.

2. Focus on communication.

One of the biggest hallmarks of a leader with high EQ levels is their ability to communicate — to motivate, explain, give constructive feedback, and articulate what they need from each member of their team. These communication skills are a great practical way to start putting emotional intelligence into action. Be mindful of your vocabulary in each interaction, try to build in empathetic statements, such as “I know you must feel frustrated right now,” adopt open body language (some great tips here) and, last but by no means least, practice active listening — for more information on exactly what that entails, read this.

3. Learn to take feedback.

The ability to hear feedback and take it on board without becoming defensive is one of the core skills of an emotionally intelligent leader. That’s because resorting to defensiveness when faced with criticism blocks your communication channel with your team, damages trust, creates frustration, and harms your reputation as a leader. So, the next time a team member delivers feedback you don’t like, consciously take a different approach — first, pause. Taking just 10 seconds before you speak can allow that initial impulse to pass. Next, thank them for their feedback. Finally, clarify what they’ve said by reflecting on their comment and adopting a collaborative approach to working out the next steps.

4. Invest in unconscious bias training.

Many of the skills associated with emotional intelligence, such as self-awareness, also mitigate the impact of our own unconscious biases. We all have these ‘brain blind spots’ — unconscious shortcuts our minds take when making decisions based on information absorbed during our lifetime. But these biases can lead to prejudiced decisions affecting everything from people management to the ideas we’re receptive to. It’s thought unconscious bias may cost workplaces in the US around $14 billion each year. So, it’s more than worth investing in unconscious bias training for both yourself and your team — with the bonus that you’ll cultivate your EQ at the same time.