Which of These Three Would You Trust the Least?

I am very interested in how to improve human judgment. All leadership success, and yes, life success depends on it.

Harvard-based researchers have spent years proving that virtually all of us are irrationally biased.  We all have opinions that are not based on facts or direct experience but rather emotional thinking shortcuts. You see, thinking takes a lot of energy and discipline but our brains are built for efficiency so it is always designing shortcuts.  The name of these mental-shortcuts is stereotypes.

When we hold tight to stereotypes they become prejudices.  Once we have a prejudice we’re constantly selecting evidence to support our prejudice so we don’t have to go to the effort of opening our minds to new data or considering that, in this specific case, what is usually true is not true.

For instance as you consider the 3 photos at the top of this article, who might you want to avoid walking by on deserted street at midnight? If you are like most people in the Harvard research you would scamper away from the man in the hoodie. That would be foolish as the man in the sweatshirt is the famous great guy basketball star Kevin Durant who is known for his charity and loving kindness. The figure in the burka is not a terrorist but a British Muslim nurse.

And the handsome man in the suit is none other than Ted Bundy who raped and murdered 30 women. Trusting Bundy based on his looks and charm was tragically fatal for those who relied on their visual bias.

Simply put, prejudice limits our capacity to make smart decisions or see deeper truths. Yet these thinking shortcuts are difficult to tame.  Humans have spent thousands of years finding security, believing that our tribe offers protection from other tribes who want to kill us and take our stuff.  So when we see that people are a lot like us we tend to trust them. When we worry about people who do not seem to be like us with regards to how they look, what they like to eat, how they like to live, or to appear to have different standards and values, we seek to protect ourselves. This is the natural state of human emotions–and it is increasingly dysfunctional.

Although we reflexively have automatic preferences toward people who look like us, act like us, and seem to believe what we believe–that thinking is proving the be one of the most destructive challenges of our time.

Consider this. Never before in history have human beings been exposed to so many other human beings who are not like us. In 1950 2.5 billion people populated our planet. Today nearly 7.5 billion people fill the planet. And the variety of beliefs and cultures is astonishing.  This requires a new way of thinking. It requires open minds rather than defensive ones. Collaboration rather than competition. Innovation rather stagnation. Sustainability rather than exploitation.  

As many of you know, I constantly seek to surface unconscious bias that is so pervasive in our workplaces as I help women advance in leadership.  Nearly all organizations are built on an authoritarian model that unconsciously favors “strong-man” behavior. Most men have a strong belief that typical male behaviors of assertiveness and taking control are ideal leadership behaviors because that’s what they are biased to believe from working in business structures that favor those behaviors. So they tend to give women who act in these “male” ways more leadership opportunities.

The problem with this bias is our research (Apple to Zappos) clearly indicates that in today’s radically competitive business environment, old-school, stereotypical male leadership is more likely to fail than succeed.

What is true is that while hard power style seems to create efficiency it quashes innovation.  Hard power rewards obedience and group compliance.

Growth comes from opening our minds to new possibilities.  Economists have discovered that opportunity is usually a function of seeing what was previously unseen but is right in front of us.  That’s why the cognitive diversity that comes from seeking the ideas of people not like us is such a powerful driver of innovation, and value creation.

Our unconscious bias is psychological blindness. We literally don’t see opportunity when we are either judgmental or fearful.

The question I ask male executives when I am trying to get them to see the value that women who lead like women bring is “What might you be blind to?”

The evidence that organizations are more successful when at least 30% of senior leaders are female is overwhelming. One big reason is that women are more socially intelligent. This advantage drives them to be more inclusive and open to new or different ideas. It’s not that women are less biased to begin with. The edge they have is that they are less reactive, less impulsive and more empathetic. This helps them to stop and think before they dismiss the ideas, needs or values of  people different from them.

The bottom line:

We live in a complex, diverse world that our brains and emotions seek to simplify by separating people into groups of people like us and not like us.
Diversity challenges our biases that hard power leaders are unlikely to value.
Women have gender brain and social strengths that make them better suited to harvest the value of cognitive diversity through practical innovations.

However, the bias against women advancing to leadership in organizations inhibits women from using their strengths.

Leaders can dramatically increase the group intelligence of their senior leadership and organizational performance by making sure qualified women make up at least 30% of their C-level, VP’s and senior directors.

If your organization does not look like this, ask the most senior male leader you can connect with to read this and ask him to suspend his bias and consider the positive implications of it’s factual truth.

 

5 Ways to Find Your Personal Leadership Brand

What if your life had a purpose… a particular purpose? There are almost 7.5 billion individuals alive right now. As far as I know, there are no duplicates.

So, what if you were unique because you could make a difference that no one else can? What if you could make your difference every day, if you were simply aware of what your difference is and looked at life as one giant opportunity to matter?

We know from decades of social research that people who adopt the view that life has a personal purpose are happier, healthier, live longer, experience less stress and have better relationships than people who stumble through life believing that they will find joy and satisfaction by achieving a never-ending succession of goals. Of course, we have no absolute way of knowing that life is purposeful but we do know that this belief leads to greater happiness than choosing to believe life is meaningless.

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It’s true, we actually know the human mindset that produces self-respect and contentment. We also know what behaviors produce both inner joy and enjoyment of our outside world. But we have a major problem and it is this:

Our brain is in a constant wrestling match with primal urges and loud, insistent advice from people who claim to know what we should do.

Famed psychologist Jonathan Haidt describes a simple way to look at this inner battle for our identity. Imagine yourself holding the reins of a large carriage lead by two powerful horses. One horse is named Fears, the other horse is named Desires. These horses are very powerful and hate having bits in their mouths. They want to run wild but you know if they do your carriage is likely to end up tipped over in a ditch.

There is also a backseat in this carriage and it is filled with people you respect and love or have held authority in your life. Parents, teachers, coaches, friends, pastors and gurus are all yelling at you. They’re screaming at you, telling you both where to go and how to get there safely. There’s also one more distraction. You are guiding your carriage in a very modern world in which along roadsides, there are large video screens with very distracting messages. Most of them are telling you to turn at the next fork in the road to get to a new destination or buy something that the people on the video are sure you want.

The further you travel, the more you come to realize three things:

First, that the horses of Fear and Desire must be controlled or you will surely tip over. Second, the people yelling instructions may mean well, but they don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

Third, the powerful messages broadcast from the roadside video boards are irrelevant, distracting and misleading. Following their directions will definitely take you in the wrong direction.

So, to find the self-respect we long for and fulfill the purpose we hope for, we must discover our deeper identity. We must become aware of who we are separate from our roles, our goals, our jobs, our achievements, our feelings, our current beliefs, our tribes. All these things are temporary. All these things can change. However, we have to find out if there is anything deeper? Do we have an “essential” self that wants to take the reins of our life?

That is the question that I try to help leaders answer. It is the most basic question of all:

Why do you want to lead?

What difference do you want to make? Are you a leader simply because you’re ambitious, want to make money, seek power, seek validation or is there something deeper?

I’ve become very aware of peoples’ inner voices as I have coached leaders to become more influential. It is terribly difficult to tear yourself away from the opinions of powerful others and our own inner goblins. But there is no other way to be the best version of you.

Here’s a process I take people through to find their inner voice and express their personal brand.

Learn To Engender Trust

Social research is clear that people who engender trust in others are the most personally fulfilled and most effective with others. Trust is primarily engendered by being authentic, pro-social and competent. Pro-social means that you are an advocate for the betterment of others. It is difficult for leaders of large organizations to be either authentic or pro-social today. That’s because Wall Street investors care nothing about either quality. In fact, they often admire leaders who are mercenary and willing to do whatever it takes to make money in the short term. I’ve been fortunate to work with many courageous leaders who figure out how to financially excel by being pro-social with their customers and employees. It’s possible to resist the corruption of your inner integrity, but I can attest it takes continuous clarity and strength. So I ask clients, “Are you ready to be authentic?” “Do you intrinsically care about maximizing the positive impact you have on the lives of others?” (And yes, some leaders have actually told me they don’t care about either.)

Discover Your Design
What are your motivated talents? I have observed that WHAT we are “designed” to succeed at, fulfills our higher self. By designed I simply mean that there are things you naturally do very well that you enjoy. When you find this intersection of talent and enjoyment, you have found a talent that is a gift to others as well as a personal success path. (It is important to understand that we all enjoy doing things that we’re not particularly talented at. Singing is a good example for me. We are also competent at many things that we don’t particularly enjoy doing.)

Find Work That You Intrinsically Value
What work do you intrinsically value?  If all jobs paid the same what job would you want? When you discover work that intrinsically engages you will much more easily pay the price to learn what you need to learn to do the job with excellence.

Discover Your Strengthens And Capitalize On Them
What are your character strengths (take this assessment to find out)? These are things like curiosity, attention to detail, empathy, practical thinking, and a host of habitual personal tools you use better than the average person to solve problems or seize opportunities. The most critical advice I give about personal strengths is that no one gets to live their life only doing things that capitalize on their strengths.

For instance, my daughter Natassia, had to overcome her weaknesses, math and science, to become a high-risk baby nurse (NICU). One of her greatest strengths is a combination of empathy and observing detail. This natural ability of focused attention makes her an extraordinary nurse. But she also had to address her weaknesses in academic science in order to get the chance to do what she does best. She used both her social intelligence and attention to detail to get through her dreaded but unavoidable science classes. That’s how it is for all of us. We have to figure out a way to use what we are good at to also do what we are not good at.

Express Your Leadership Brand
Express your purpose.  Some people call this your personal brand. I call it your leadership brand. This is a way of telling others the value you bring to any challenge or opportunity.  It is the difference you are designed to make. Normally your brand will seem a bit fuzzy but as you observe yourself doing what you do best, your gift will become clearer, and the way in which you express it will become more powerful.

Here are some real examples:

  • I create clarity in confusing situations
  • I challenge the status quo using humor to put people at ease
  • I forge new paths by finding new solutions
  • I inspire and lead teams to achieve extraordinary results
  • I continuously create valued innovations
  • I reframe challenges into opportunities
  • I make people feel included and special
  • I inspire extraordinary commitment and effort
  • I heal pain and dissolve fear

As you look over this list. I want you to imagine having your own expression for what you do consistently, that produces the impact that you most value. As you become conscious of the core of your personal brand you will become bolder in expressing it in a wide variety of work and life situations.  When you do, you will be completely in charge of the carriage you are driving through the rutted roads of life.

The bottom line.

We all need to be leaders.

If good people with high purpose and pro-social values don’t lead, only people who cannot control their primal fears and desires will.

Lead your own life first. 

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Why Yoga May be Essential For Career Happiness

Low stress does not make you happy. Happiness comes from saying yes to activities, relationships and experiences that bring you joy. 

What would you do if you’ve learned that you were doing something every day that was making you unproductive, unhealthy, unhappy and sabotaging your relationships. More importantly, if you could easily stop this one bad habit and instead do just one thing that would help your career take off and make you healthier, happier, and improve your relationships would you do it? I will talk about the bad habit we all need to stop toward the end, but first India and the good habit.

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I just got back from spending three weeks in India. The first week I spent conducting Gender Synergy workshops for a large tech company. It was very exciting to feel the enthusiasm of hundreds of male and female engineers and professionals as they learned about how bias in the workplace makes everyone less successful and the simple, Jedi-like work behaviors that transform working relationships and up-level results.

The key to engaging men in the sensitive topic of women’s equality is to point out that the cognitive differences between individuals of either sex is greater than the general differences between men and women. Yes, there are pink brain men and blue brained women. Workplace equality and opportunity begins by treating everyone like they are a genius. Once you shift your mind away from dealing with individuals as stereotypes and see them as human beings with unique talents, interests, and abilities you redefine the meaning of “inclusion.”  With that framework everyone gets a lot more interested in co-creating a culture where mutual empowerment becomes the engine of success.

So, the training was very rewarding for me to do.

But I want to tell you about some things I learned in India, and from my daughter, Nicole, who transformed her life and career through Yoga.

Yoga, the Good Habit

After the training, my wife and I travelled in Tamil Nadu, the ancient part of southern India known for its many, many temples, most of which are in full use today by millions of devout Hindu’s. One of the most obvious elements of sacred Hindu stories is the role of the feminine in all her dimensions. Both love and fierceness for the well-being of all, are prominent themes of many of the morality stories featuring Hindu Goddesses.

We also learned more about the evolution of yoga and some of it’s deeper meaning beyond posing, stretching and sweating. The simple meaning of the word yoga is UNION. You are free to interpret that meaning as you wish, but for me yoga represents the union of me with all that is. The energy that union is activated through the personal practice of uniting your mindful attention with a sacred intention to fulfill the promise of your true potential.

My temple tour thoughts about yoga combined with an evening-long conversation with Nicole lead me to these deeper ideas.

The physical practice of yoga with its focus on mindful breathing and specific body postures, release the kinks in both your muscles and your mind. Validated research confirms that the practice of yoga is the single best thing to do if you want to avoid premature aging, aches and pains, high blood pressure, and elevated levels of organ inflammation. Practicing yoga several times a week will also help you sleep more soundly, think more clearly, have better relationships and spike your level of optimism.

Amazingly, yoga is also the best exercise you can use to lose weight.  That’s because weight is lost in the kitchen not in the gym. And yoga increases our self-control and inspires confidence that we can achieve difficult goals through self-discipline.

Many of the proven positive effects of yoga appear to be caused by the effect on our brains of deep states of mindfulness. Mindfulness inhibits reactive thinking and agitating triggering emotions. It reduces stress both physically and psychologically.

And yet the insight I got in India (later confirmed by research) is that low stress does not make you happy. It only creates clarity about the nature of work, love and play that will bring you happiness. Remember, happiness comes from saying yes. Yes to activities, relationships and experiences that bring you joy. Happiness is not the result of no stress, but is the feeling that arises from “inner coherence.”  This means what you do, who and how you love and the gusto with which you play reflects your deepest values and your best self.

In western psychology yoga is flow. It requires you giving 100% of your deep attention to what you are doing in the now.  This actually expands the power of your life force. This is the force of your identity and capabilities in the pursuit of what makes you fulfilled.

Thus, there is a:

  • Yoga of Work
  • Yoga of Love
  • Yoga of Play
     

Yoga is the union of your deeper self with whatever you are doing now.

If this sounds exhausting it isn’t. Because yoga is both psychological and physical flow, it is a source of energy.  When you tap into this energy, whatever you are doing becomes sacred because you are connecting to something bigger than your personal fears and desires.

So, what exactly does yoga have to do with your career?  Maybe everything!

I have literally taught thousands of people how to achieve career clarity and how to become a top ten percent person in your career. (Better than 90% of people doing what you do.)

Here’s how yoga can help. When you are doing a physical yoga session you should come away feeling calm and clear. That’s how your career should make you feel. If your work doesn’t give you that kind of energy you are either doing the wrong work or doing the right work in the wrong workplace.

If you feel full of confused energy, you can do a personal yoga retreat right now while you live your present life. Here is how:

For seven days take a yoga class each day with the mindful intention of gaining clarity about what work will create the “union” in which work becomes the flow of self-expression. During this “sacred seven day retreat” do not listen to or read the news, especially political news. Eat a low carbohydrate, high protein, no sugar or sweetener diet. Mindfully eat small portions often so you are never over full or hungry. Focus on the taste and texture of the food. Listen only to instrumental music but really listen to the individual sounds of each instrument. Only look at your cell phone three times a day and only respond to emails, texts and calls three times. When you are talking to others give your full, positive attention. You may also choose to read an inspiring book instead of looking at TV. At bedtime write in your journal answering two questions:  

  • What does my highest self want for my life, and
  • What does my highest self want for my work?

You should end the week with seven journal entries with the last one being most clear and true. This retreat, without stopping your life, is a great immersion in living mindfully.

Developing a yoga mind can also help you get clear on how to go about your present work and how you might transform it into a fulfilling career. Your yoga-life practice will deepen your thinking and calm your brain so you can get to your deeper sources of wisdom. So yoga is the good habit…

The Bad Habit We Must ALL Stop!

And now, the bad habit we must all stop. You have to defeat the enemy of the unified mind. You have to house-break your out-of-control smart phone that is crapping all over your life.

Understand this–practicing the fullness of the Yoga of Life is more important than ever because our modern technology is cunningly designed to steal your attention from important things to the fleeting urgencies of others or disturbing news that we can do nothing about.

Our smart phones are making us stupid, stressed, confused and emotionally disconnected.

Just read all the research cited in this recent Wall Street Journal article.

  • Experiments validate that just being in the same room with you smart phone lessens your attention in conversations with the people you love and they feel it.
  • In other experiments, couples felt less understood and felt lower intimacy and even less trust when they had conversations with their cell phones in sight.
  • Smart phones give us the “illusion of intelligence” but actually reduce our “cognitive capacity.”  Access to facts alone doesn’t make us wise. Smart phones can be a “cognitive crutch” which has proven to lessen your ability to interpret and solve unfamiliar problems. Since we no longer have to memorize because all data is available all the time our interior judgment is handicapped by laziness. This happens because we do not have memory of memorized facts that constitute a forest of internal knowledge that we can walk through to make decisions. We never become one with what we have learned.
  • Just the desire to check your phone, which we do on average 80 times per day, reduces your mental abilities such as reasoning, problem solving, and creativity.
  • In classroom experiments, students who had their cell phones visually available during tests made significantly more errors than students who had hidden their phones from sight. This is because the student’s focus was divided because part of their brain’s capacity was on alert for a possible text.

So smart phones are the anti yoga…the anti union with all that we value. They are useful tools but bad masters. When my clients are struggling for clarity I put them on a smart phone diet. They only get to interact with it 3 times a day.

The Bottom Line

If you are serious about up-grading your work, your relationships and your life but aren’t willing to do the full retreat start practicing Yoga three times per week for six weeks. Strive for inner coherence. Tame your technology. Go on a cell phone diet if you need to. Live in your “question” until you feel the union…the flow of connecting what you do with who you really are.

Don’t try… Do.

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10 Reasons Why Nobody Stopped Harvey Weinstein

Bias is a talent killer. It makes people small. It also emboldens powerful people to exploit anyone who is not in their favored group. After doing some deeper research, bias also seemed to answer the question, how might Harvey Weinstein have gotten away with being a sexual predator for decades? It’s all about bias and its evil twin, favoritism.

Here are 10 things we all need to know about our bias.

1. All of us are biased and prejudiced in favor of people whom we judge to be in ‘our group’ and against people we exclude from our group. This is human. Our brains are constantly sorting other people into potential enemies and friends who psychologically represent either threats or opportunities. The question is not whether we are biased. Rather it is whether we are self-aware enough to transcend our bias and see people as individuals rather than members of groups.

2. Virtually all humans seek belonging, acceptance and community. We mentally segregate groups by both exaggerating the positive, common characteristics of ‘our’ group and assign exaggerated negativity to the characteristics of people we lump into other groups. For instance, uneducated people become “stupid and lazy.” We also minimize differences within our group and emphasize how are ‘outsiders’ are different in ways that threaten our status or safety.

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3. High status people tend to believe in the Just World Theory. This is a theory of life reflected in what was called the divine right of kings in the Middle Ages. This theory advocates the belief that people who are born to powerful and wealthy families have advantages and are chosen by God to rule over common people who are not favored by God. People who are poor or sick, or a member of an ethnic minority, are simply living out their destiny. (India’s caste system was/is an insidious concept woven into the culture by wealthy people who wanted a permanent servant class.)

Although democracy overthrew the justification of bias and class distinction by the divine right of kings, Americans reinvented is the Just World Theory to view white British and Northern European males as God’s favorite people and Africans as divinely created to be slaves to the “chosen” white males. Today the Just World Theory lives on through the myth that success and wealth is the result of good character and that poverty and misfortune comes only to those who are lazy and undeserving of better things. Under the Just World Theory people simply get what they deserve.

So, if you’re rich, healthy, and happy you deserve it and if you’re poor, abused, sick, black, or a single mother, somehow you deserve it. The Just World Theory absolves people with advantages of any moral responsibility to help those less fortunate. (This is the argument that Congressman and Jason Chaffetz made regarding the reason poor people can’t afford health insurance is because they spend their money on iPhones. 

4. High status people tend be both authoritarian, socially dominant and categorical (either – or) thinkers. Research shows that they are more likely to hold low opinions of low status people, and blame them for their low status.

5. Members of favored groups are more tolerant of the failures, mistakes and flaws of their group members than outsiders. (Thus, high status white males are less likely to be critical of Harvey Weinstein’s or Bill O’Reilly’s alleged sexual assaults and harassments because Harvey and Bill are also high status white males. It seems natural the good old boys protect good old boys…it’s the code. It also explains why members of a political party will be supportive and tolerant of the mistakes and flaws of their leader while being viciously critical of much smaller flaws and errors by members of the other party.)

High bias people also tend to overestimate the flaws, number, and severity of failures of the out-group. For example, researchers who do content analysis of news stories report that when male-led companies fail to perform, situational factors are cited as the primary cause. When female-led company’s struggle, the female CEO’s competence is questioned on average three times more than male CEO’s in similar stories.)

6. Individuals with high ego drive generally have psychological needs for admiration and power. Yet, research indicates that high ego drive results in personalities that tend to be both confident and insecure. When I first started coaching powerful executives I was amazed to find this combination of confidence and insecurity to be so common. I found that insecurity often comes from inner doubts about intrinsic self-worth. This seems to inflame a need to bolster one’s self-esteem by over-identifying with group status. Put simply, the inner logic of a powerful but insecure person is that “I must be superior because I am a member of a superior group.” This is why many members of an executive “club” such as a senior leadership team or Board of Directors are so reluctant to criticize incompetence or bad behavior of people like them. This represents a strong business case for leadership diversity.

7. Bias creates the most unjust effects when differences between a favored group and un- favored group are minimal. For instance, when qualifications for advancement are not clear or competing candidates’ performance have similar qualifications, the benefit of the doubt goes to members of the favored group. This “favoring the favorites” may explain why in technology companies, when one women is competing for advancement against three or more men, the chances of a woman winning the promotion is less than 10%. It just seems natural for members of the favored group to self-justify why they prefer people who are like themselves. (Self-justification is making up reasons to justify our biases.)

8. The ‘Bias Effect’ has been confirmed by social research experiments that people who feel their performance is being judged by biased people experience performance pressure which creates anxiety and hampers their performance. Over 200 studies have shown that people tend to behave according to the expectations of those in authority. When female students are told they must try harder on their math tests because women aren’t good at math, they make more mistakes than female students who are told nothing.

When random students are told they were selected to take a math test because they are part of a group that has been pre-selected because of innate mathematical ability, they outperform randomized students and control groups. Thus, working cultures that overtly or subtly communicate to women or minorities that they aren’t smart enough for science and technology jobs disempower the performance of un-favored employees.

9. Objectifying women hurts their performance. It’s true, sexual harassment is not just a legal or social problem, it also inhibits talent. In one of the weirdest experiments I’ve read about, female students were asked to wear their swim-suits to take a math test. These students performed measurably less than control groups of female students dressed normally. Interestingly males performed equally well in bathing suits or blue jeans. Although this experiment seems a bit extreme, it is true that when women are objectified or feel that sexual harassment is tolerated in the workplace, this added stress inhibits their engagement, contribution and self-determination.

10. Dismissive sexism occurs when men claim bias against women no longer exists. Dismissive sexists often become antagonist towards women’s leadership groups and women who challenge the status quo. (Dismissive racism follows the same pattern.) Patronizing sexism occurs when males approve of and support women who accept traditional roles and submissive styles. (Many women become co-dependent with patronizing men because it creates the illusion of enhanced status and security. This is the ‘Mad-Men’ effect)

What are your thoughts on the 10 points above? Do you have a #MeToo story? Share in the comments below.

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How to Liberate Your Leadership Talent

We have cracked the code on healthy, fulfilling work. Sociologist Jeanne Nakamura’s research on the conditions that create “vital engagement” are crystal clear. Work that energizes our minds and inspires our hearts is work that engages our talent to benefit other human beings. 

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This makes us feel that we are making a positive difference. Unfortunately her research also reveals that only a small fraction of us feel our work is consistently fulfilling. I believe the reason for this is lousy leadership. Authoritarian leadership. It’s time for all of us to do a more thoughtful job of leading our lives and committing to our “vital work.”

Just look at this chart. It comes from the research of Dr. Jonathan Haidt of New York University. His research reveals that human brains wire themselves to define leadership through two possible lenses. The most common paradigm of leadership is authoritarianism. We experienced this as the myth of “ strong-man hero.” From the chart you can see that authoritarian leadership is a high control style seeking to maintain their advantage through maintaining the status quo or conquest. They resist change, install bureaucracies, squash creativity and attempt to drive success through efficiency and compliant employees. They most often believe that people want to be told what to do.
 
Authoritarian leaders act on the premise that they know more and are more capable than the collective talent of their employees. Their mindset is dominance. The most common business strategy of an authoritarian leader is to achieve a dominant market position through mergers and acquisitions, consolidate to economic power and drive efficiencies. The consulting firm PwC recently found that the authoritarian model leadership is most admired by other authoritarian leaders. A leadership literature review covering 5,000 years of leadership biographies dating back to Alexander the Great powerfully reinforce our cultural assumptions about effective leadership.  We hero-worship authoritarian leaders who are competitive, decisive and confident to the point of arrogance. The result is the world we have.

The question to consider is whether or not the dominant leadership style that got us here will create a world with the best possible future?

The second major style of leadership is one that is grounded in promoting individual autonomy.  This is empowering leadership that is primarily human-opportunity oriented. It is optimistic and solution focused. Its goals are focused on creating valued benefits that improve the quality of life of organizational members and customers. These leaders promote creative collaboration to generate streams of valued innovations.
 
Leaders who are motivated to empower employees are known as transformational leaders.  This is descriptive because the mindset of these leaders is to transform the capabilities of employees into actions that benefit customers and thus drive growth. Empowering leaders believe in fostering group intelligence and achieving goals through teamwork. They foster cultures of universal inclusion and respect for individual viewpoints, talents and experience. The distinct advantage of empowering leaders is that success comes by adapting to changing circumstances rather than resisting them. New research from McKinsey and Company clearly reveals the companies with empowering leaders are highly agile are much more able to thrive and grow in our modern economy.
 
So, what kind of leader do you aspire to be?
 
Since you’re reading this, I assume you want to be an empowering leader. I certainly hope so.  I want you to be. But I also know from my decades of experience that you may be reluctant to express your leadership if you work in an authoritarian culture. Remember authoritarianism creates cultures of compliance. That means discouraging you from thinking on your own. If  “going along to get along” is leaving you exhausted here’s what I’d like you to consider…
 
I want you to imagine that you have a powerful leadership voice inside longing to express itself. I want you to imagine that the prison door that has prevented you from doing what you really desire to do has been unlocked and all you have to do is swing the door open, walk into the sunlight and start enrolling people in your vision.
 
I realize that your vision may be quite blurry right now.  If you haven’t really invested yourself in doing the inner work to become clear on the difference you want to make, you may mistakenly believe that you have no leadership vision.

You may even believe that you’re not really a leader. But I don’t believe that. Both my years of experience and all the recent research on the science of leadership confirms that effective leadership is a small group of learned habits.
 
They are:

  1. Set direction – envision a better future and campaign for it.
  2. Motivate commitment – create compelling business cases for change and address the inspirational and practical reasons to support your goals
  3. Actively collaborate – engage all your stakeholders in creating the best action plans to achieve your vision.
  4. Results focus – empower your team members with clear goals, clear roles, clear decision authority and clear rewards.
  5. Transform you and your team’s performance capability through river of respectful feedback that leads to continuous improvement.

 
SMART Leadership. You will notice that none of these five behaviors require an authoritarian personality. In fact, the three most common attributes of authoritarianism – competitiveness, decisiveness and arrogance, are not factors related to leadership success. My point is that if you dream of a better future you can be a transformational leader to help re-design our collective strategies to achieve something better than where we are currently heading. The science of leadership research reveals that you don’t have to be perfect at a huge set of difficult behaviors.  In fact, no two great leaders have identical leadership styles. But what effective leaders have in common is that they consistently address these 5 simple habits. So can you.

So, if leadership is that simple why don’t we have more empowering leaders? The problem is you may be unsure of habit number one, Setting Direction.
 

Authoritarian leaders have no problem voicing a vision that improves their personal status, power, wealth or fame. Empowering leaders tend to overthink how they might help other people achieve their goals rather than develop a clear vision of their own goals. But your vision for a better future is alive and it burns deep within you. You just need to put more focused attention on your highest and best
desires. You need to honor them. You need to liberate them.They are a gift of your moral imagination.
 
Here is how:
 
Know who are and who you are not. All of us listen to a constant inner dialogue between our inspirational voice and our critical voice. Our critical voice is the loudmouth that takes up most of our headspace. Our critical voice nags has to be cautious rather than be bold. It focuses on all of things that could go wrong rather than the opportunities that could go right. Our critical voice is constantly telling us we are smaller and more limited than we truly are. One of the most powerful ways to quiet the critical voice is to negate its power to define our identity.

  • You are not your job.
  • You are not your achievements.
  • You are not your failures.
  • You are not your role (mother, father, daughter, son, manager, student etc.)
  • You are not your education.
  • You are not your economic status.
  • You are not your thoughts.
  • You are not your emotions or your feelings.
  • You are not your possessions.
  • You are not your weight.
  • You are not your current beliefs.

The reason I am sure you were none of these things is that all these things change over the course of your life.
 
Now, start asking yourself who am I, really? 

I am serious about asking yourself this question.Try this. Over the next five days set aside 10 minutes in the early morning, or lunch time or on a quiet walk in the evening and simply ask yourself “who am I?” Then patiently wait for your inspirational voice to whisper the answer.
 
I believe the answer you will discover is that you are the values you choose to be. You literally become the values that you value. That is liberation!

It is liberating because you have just been freed from thinking that you were only your current strengths. What? That’s right the strengths movement has actually become a limitation to many people. Millions of people have taken “strength finders” or some other analysis of how you habitually achieve success. But knowing your current strengths is only the beginning. What limits us are our weaknesses. Our strengths give us opportunities but our weaknesses cause our failures. It doesn’t have to be that way.
 
In earlier times, moral education promoted the idea that you could become a more virtuous person through practice. Famously, Benjamin Franklin pursued excellence in 13 virtues by practicing with great focus one week at a time.
 
Let give you some simple examples. When I was younger I was always late. Often, very late. It lead to a catastrophic loss of an opportunity I really wanted. I vowed that I would never be late again.  And for the most part, over the past 30 years, I’ve been extremely punctual. I am frequently complimented on my punctuality. It was a weakness I turned into a strength.
 
My wife is an energizer bunny. She is always in action. She wanted to appreciate beauty more than her fast paced allowed her to do. So she got serious about photography. With practice it made her notice the beauties of nature much more frequently and much more deeply than before.
 
I have a very demanding client who demands to be the number one priority of everyone in his life.  As you can imagine this weakness has led to a lot of problems and unhappiness. For the past year, he has used his impatient feelings as a positive trigger to be more thoughtful and patient in the moment. It’s been transformative.
 
When you liberate yourself from your habitual self and begin a serious journey to self-actualization to the best person you can imagine you unlock the key to empowering leadership. This will ignite your leadership courage. You will begin to have a more clear vision of the difference you want to make and how to engage the help of others to create a world that works for everyone. Once you have a vision and a direction just follow the other four habits. You will liberate the leader within you.
 
If you could change the world, what would you do?

Do that!

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Four Investments You Can Make Today to Increase Your Love Life

You can’t do a good job, if your job is all you do. The aspiration for work-life balance is dead. It was killed by technology. If you want to be happy in life and happy in your primary love relationship…

Over the past two years with almost every Executive I coach and every audience I speak to, I hear that the aspiration for work-life balance is dead. It was killed by technology. What’s weird is that this fact is often presented with some chest beating… as if to say… work-life balance was for wimps all along… people with a serious work ethic never worry about work life balance.

Really?

I guess so. Sheryl Sandberg the guru of Leaning In writes, “The days of unplugging for a weekend or vacation are long gone.” Way to go Sheryl… sounds awesome.

Yet, sadly I find she is not kidding. Ten years ago, even the CEOs I coached had most weekends and evenings free of direct work, such as conference calls and decision-making meetings. That’s certainly not true today.  Today leaders are lucky to get a half of a Saturday or a half of a Sunday free of stressful meetings or real-time e-mails where decisions are being made.

And free evenings… yeah that’s a relic from an earlier age. Today most people go home and spend at least two more hours on the computer working. This new work routine is not confined to leaders. The combination of technology and massive projects is increasingly engaging managers and individual contributors in a trail of work that slithers through our lives like a hungry python night and day.

Is this it? Is this the best we can do? Is this the crowning achievement of our economy… that we all live work-centered lives?

If so, what is the cost?

Well, according to marriage experts at the University of Washington and the University of Virginia what we are sacrificing is our love lives. The biggest toll a work-centered life is having on us is increased feelings of social isolation and a lack of intrinsic connection with our loved ones. When we get too busy, love devolves into a concept rather than a feeling.

In this state of mind, we recognize that we love our romantic partners and children but we just don’t feel that love. We could write down on a yellow pad all the reasons we love our loved ones but we just don’t feel it. All words but no music.

Having the emotions of love evaporate from our lives is a ridiculous price to pay for work. A recent survey of 1,500 people over the age of 78 asking them what their biggest life regret was overwhelmingly confirmed it was one thing… staying too long in a job that was unfulfilling.

We also know that the happiest and healthiest people on earth are actively in love. In the hundreds of studies done on the causes of human happiness we know there is no greater mood elevator than being “crazy in love.”

We all know how goony people get when people fall in love. The thrill of emotional intimacy with someone you find fascinating, attractive and admirable sets off a brain circus of dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin that gives you a feeling of optimism, well-being and invincible confidence that is simply the best brain buzz ever.

The problem is this love fog does not last without continuous investment in the relationship similar to the investment you were willing to make when you were falling in love

So, just what are the investments you can make to increase the love in your life?

First of all, you have to have an IPO! Stay with me.  A few days ago I was talking to one of my favorite clients, Brad and Sheryl, who own a very successful high-tech consultancy. I have known them for nearly two decades. They’re married with three daughters and have always been crazy in love.  What I mean by that is that they have an Irrational Positive Opinion (IPO) about each other. When I talk to them separately they’re constantly bombarding me with how great the other one is. They refer to each other as brilliant and amazing. They brag about each other’s accomplishments. Hell, it’s like being married to a cheerleader.

So, are they really that great? Well no. They’re like all the rest of us… full of good stuff and not such good stuff. But they’re living proof of the research by John Gottman at the University of Washington that confirms that the happiest couples are those who hold and an irrational positive opinion of each other.  It turns out that when it comes to personal self-worth and interpersonal trust we don’t much value realists who point out our flaws and want us to change. That’s something a coach can do. What we want from our romantic partner is for them to be “crazy” about us… literally irrational about our wonderfulness.

If you want to be happy in life and happy in your primary love relationship launch an IPO. And keep investing so the stock of your relationship continuously rises.

Here are four critical investments that research confirms will keep the flames and the feelings of love burning.

1. Celebrate each other’s successes. Research tells us that making a big deal of small successes creates more trust and intimacy than comforting people when they’re struggling. The reason we think this is true is that amplifying good feelings has a bigger positive payoff than trying to reduce bad feelings.Here is a silly but true example. I am an old dude surfer and like all surfers we want to be admired for our surfing. I am quite sure that I am average for my age and experience, yet sometimes I get a good ride and some other surfer will give a hoot or say “nice wave.” When I get home, I never fail to tell Debbie of my small success. She insists that I then tell her about the details of the wave, gives me a hug and a kiss and makes me feel like I’m the greatest surfer on earth. She clearly holds an irrational positive opinion about my surfing that jacks me up with enough dopamine and oxytocin that it makes me want to actually move the furniture around so she can see how the room would look with a new arrangement.The key to celebrating each other’s success is to ask for the details of what your partner actually did. That’s what creates positive intimacy.

2. Help when it’s inconvenient. Talk is cheap, even love talk. A willingness to drop whatever you’re doing to help your loved one communicates how important their agenda is to you. You don’t have to do this one hundred percent of the time because sometimes what you were doing may greatly suffer from an interruption. However, if you’re willing to instantly respond most of the time your love stock will certainly rise. (It’s also important to help with routine tasks to avoid causing simmering resentments.  Only 20% of men are willing to do laundry and vacuuming regularly. So, if you want to be in the top 20% of male partners you know what to do!)

3. Plan positive experiences. Dating is all about planning positive experiences. We make careful choices about where we eat or what movies we see to make sure that our dating partner will be happy. We take great care in what we wear, how we smell and what we say. However, when our relationship ripens we often approach going out together with a question… “So, what do you want to do?” This means you did very little thinking about your time together… not good.

Planned positive experiences are critical to fanning the flames of love. That’s because we associate the positive feelings we get from the experience, like going to a sensational concert, or visiting a breath-taking National Park or exotic tropical island with the person we are with. New experiences also make us more interesting to each other. These experiences also create shared memories, which are strong positive bonds that sustain loving feelings when things get a little stale, dull or frustrating.

4. Love with your full presence every day. We know that the happiest couples spend at least 30 to 60 minutes a day in focused conversation with each other. I know…. that may seem like an impossibly high bar. But consider its possibilities. The greatest longing of the human heart is to be fully accepted by another. The most powerful way that we communicate this is to listen to a loved one without an agenda for them. This is difficult. When I am talking to Debbie I often have to remind myself that I just want her to be happy in the way she experiences happiness. It’s unnatural to listen without judgment. We justify having agendas for the people we love because we think we know how to help them… and sometimes we do. But remember our loved ones long for someone more than a coach. We all want to feel loved intrinsically. We want others to see our good and positive motives not just our less-than-perfect behavior.

The only way we can access the feelings of unconditional positive regard is to drop our agenda and just be present. Just listen with loving intention. All of this will be impossible unless you’re willing to unplug from both your job and the torrent of mostly irrelevant media that bombards us daily. (New research validates that peoples’ optimism and happiness rise when they quit Facebook or other Social Media Apps.) The primary reason seems to be that Facebook incites envy and social comparison causing an epidemic of inner emotional drama among Facebook users. If you think this doesn’t apply to you try a week-long Facebook fast and ask yourself if you’re less stressed and a little more happy.)

The bottom line is that love and intimacy take a daily investment of personal time. I’m convinced the good life is a combination of meaningful work performed at a reasonable rhythm that makes plenty of room for love-drenched relationships. No work success can substitute for love.

 

The Four Things That Will Make You Matter

For years I wondered why some ordinary people consistently had extraordinary opportunity and why many extraordinary people languished in a kind of invisible frustration.

I was recently doing a private review of clients and projects I’ve been involved with over the past three decades. I was trying to identify what people consistently thought and did who achieved the amazing versus many talented people and organizations that underachieved.

I used a personal filter measuring winning not only in the public sense of growing a healthy enterprise or distinguished successes in art and science, but I also looked at private success. Success with family, relationships and a capacity for joy and contentment. Once I got my list I examined the most recent research on personality and habits correlated with high and admirable achievement. It looks like my life experience and recent research agree on the most important drivers of admirable success. Let me boil it down to four things.

1. People I most admire are… Optimistic realists.

I’ve worked with my share of dreamers and so-called visionaries. They constantly leap from one big idea to the next while positive realists nearly always see the opportunity of sustaining their efforts through setbacks and boredom. Creative persistence is the key. It requires neither doing the same thing over and over nor jumping ship before the sails unfurl. Instead, it is a constant energetic process of evolution that enables you to become great over time.

2. People I most admire practice… Practical Empathy.

There are four ways of seeing others, and I have seen all these ways up close, causing either disappointment or success. At one extreme is the self-interested bully. They just demand what they want. Right next to them is the charming narcissist. These people act like they care but only to manipulate you. Lots of powerful people are bullies or charming narcissists, just none I admire.

At the other end are people who are emotionally empathetic. They literally feel what others feel. They make good friends, but it’s hard for them to build enterprises. They often mistake a person’s potential for their performance. They wait too long to make hard decisions. They are usually bound in a web of competing commitments and they hate to say no. I know this type very well because it’s most like me. The most effective place to be on the empathy scale is the mid-range. I call it practical empathy. Walt Disney had it. Howard Schultz has it. So do most other big scale leaders that we have good reason to admire.

Practical empathy enables you to understand the needs, desires, and problems of others without letting emotion cloud your judgment or prevent you from making tough choices. Practical empathy is very rare, I found. Most of us either don’t really care or care too much. Practical empathy is what enables a person to take a small opportunity and grow it into something big.

3. The people I most admire have… Hungry Humility.

By hungry humility I mean a desire to learn that overwhelms any need to be right. Rare?… you bet. Power and success annihilate humility in most of us.

4. Finally, the people I most admire are driven by one guiding principle… Moral Ambition.

This is the persistent desire to create honest-to-goodness value for other human beings. I find of course, no one is perfect, but there are some that are striving to be better at doing better. I know a great CEO-owner of a large scale imprinted t-shirt and sports uniform business who brims with moral ambition. It shows up in how he treats, pays, and educates his hourly workforce. It also shows in his commitment to sustainability and the environment.

I see persistent moral ambition at Nike to create a “Better World” by inventing sustainable materials and manufacturing and most especially by training thousands of young women athletes in emerging countries to build their confidence. I see moral ambition at Clif Bar that bakes genuinely healthy energy bars and believes employee’s lives’ are as important as their work. I could go on.

I know many successful leaders with moral ambition because I seek them out. Creating value for humanity is not an afterthought. It is their core business strategy. Yes, moral ambition is at the root of the greatest people I know. Not just leaders but of all the people I’ve come to admire.

When moral ambition is channeled and released through optimistic realism, practical empathy, and hungry humility it becomes a force. A powerful, unstoppable force. It all begins with asking yourself “what am I trying to accomplish… is this the best I can do?” So the question I ask of people that want to achieve something great is this…

“When you get up in the morning do you look in a mirror or through a window?”

 

How to Stand up For Yourself in a Gender Bias World

Right now, I am very busy teaching companies how to create gender synergy.  This requires a change of culture as well as a change of behavior of both men and women who want to work together more effectively.

The process of combining the strengths of blue brains and pink brains into a purple brain culture is actually fairly simple. But the forces of resistance are difficult to defeat because they are largely invisible.

We live in a world permeated with bias.

In virtually all human systems there is an advantaged group and everyone else who are to some degree disadvantaged. The advantaged group establishes the norms, expectations, and rules that maximize opportunities for themselves and frequently minimize opportunities for all others. Leaders of the advantaged group typically claim they have no bias and that “others,” who find it difficult to succeed under their rules, are lazy, stupid, unmotivated, or inferior. If this continues many members of the disadvantaged group lose their motivation to excel and thus confirm the stereotype tattooed on them by the people making the rules. This justifies continued bias from the advantage group toward the disadvantaged others.

Bias is not only unfair, it is a form of identity theft.

It literally robs people of their core motivations to grow in their capabilities and contributions because the rules for success are rigged against them.

I see this bias clearly and consistently in large organizations that have success rules for senior leadership that have favored men and alpha male behavior. It is so rampant in technology and science based companies that Megan Kelly just conducted a television show interviewing “Women of Silicon Valley” in which a group a very bright, accomplished and capable women gave their accounts of the choking impact of workplace gender bias.

The good news is I’m talking to more and more male leaders who sincerely want to extinguish bias and establish cultures that actually thrive on personal and cognitive diversity.  But it is not easy.  There is a backlash.  We have clear evidence that establishing quotas for women in leadership makes men angry and women feel patronized. We also know that bias training does not actually diminish bias. Bias is only diminished when members of the advantaged group have many positive experiences with members of the disadvantaged group.

So, the only way for males to genuinely support promoting more women in leadership is to have more women leaders.

The problem with the simple notion is that if the leadership culture maintains the norms and rules that reward Blue brain behaviors of competitiveness, decisiveness and muscular confidence AND demand that women adopt these same characteristics to succeed, we will lose the benefits of cognitive diversity. And the vicious cycle will continue.

It’s time to consider this…

Dr. Dan McAdams theory of personality proposes that our core personality is strongly driven by our genetics, which stimulate and regulate our neuro transmitters and hormones that shape our moods, perceptions, motivations, and social interactions. Our core personality traits tend to be binary. For example, we tend to either be pro-social (care for others) or pro-self (self-interested).  We tend to either enjoy and embrace new experiences or we tend to value the status quo. These genetic tendencies are very strong but can be overwhelmed by what McAdams calls our adaptive personality.

If we find ourselves in a social system that does not value our core personality we adapt or rebel. For example, a teenager whose core personality embraces novelty and minimizes risk, with highly conventional parents who are sensitive to threats and deeply value the status quo, will often adapt by either becoming secretive and sneaky or an in-your-face rebel.

Personality adaptations can be very positive. A thrill seeking teenager can become a courageous scientist who is delighted to shake up the status quo to advance science. A threat sensitive, structured thinker can become a valuable quality control expert at a nuclear power plant.

However, if we find ourselves in a highly biased social system we may feel we have to mal-adapt to survive.  So, if you really need your job and your boss is a sexist tyrant you may find yourself constantly finding ways to work around the daily minefield to keep your paycheck. If you keep this up for long the unfairness of the situation will cause chronic stress and may even lead to depression.

“Refuse to be discouraged when you find yourself in a disadvantaged position.”

In a less extreme situation in which you observe that men or people with other advantaged class credentials, like an Ivy League degree, are being more quickly promoted without merit you can lose your ambition. Of course losing your ambition is a self-fulfilling prophecy that confirms the bias of the very people who are treating you unfairly.

It is a sign of emotional health to want to feel valued and fulfilled.  Yet all of us find ourselves in situations where we feel neither.  If that environment is dominant in our lives we need active countermeasures to avoid acting in the way it justifies the prejudices of the cultural rule makers.

Here are three ways of being an advocate for your best potential self.

  1. Voice Your Vision.  It is critical that you have an agenda for your life and your career.  Otherwise you will spend your life reacting to other people’s agenda.  You will feel undervalued and exhausted. Instead, imagine yourself at the end of your life. What has been your life story?  What life choices did you make that you’re the most proud of.  What work did you do that was fulfilling? Just begin by making a list of words and phrases that describe the best career and life that you can imagine.  You’ll need to update this because as you live you will learn.  The most important thing is to have an agenda that will guide your choices, your view of opportunities, and most important what to say NO to.
  2. Optimize Your Strengths.  Pay attention to what you do well that you enjoy.  You can do this by keeping a Flourish Journal in which you write down at the end of each day something that you did well you enjoyed.  Then you ask yourself, “What was the secret to your success?”  This is a way of discovering your motivated talents.
  3. Stand up for Yourself.  We live in a biased world that is unlikely to change anytime soon.  Refuse to be discouraged when you find yourself in a disadvantaged position.  Instead seek to stand out…. not fit in. Ask for what you want when you want it. Don’t demand it. Just rather make it a clear request.  Stay calm, consistent and relentless. That’s what drives change.

One last thought… There is a current fad in large companies to establish women’s resource organizations, like the “Women of Wondertech.” Over time, it is common for these organizations to devolve into internal networking groups with speakers.  These groups tend to reinforce the view that women just like getting together to talk about their problems. The real opportunity for women’s resource groups is to become a force for change. These groups should have an agenda that advocates for policies such as family leave, childcare allowances, work from home, flex time, career advancement, sponsorship, and a host of other bias leveling practices that should be actively advocated for with the CEO. Use your women’s resource groups to ask for what you need and what you want.

The Bottom Line

Bias will only be overcome when disadvantaged people quit being silent or long-suffering victims. The next generation has already decided that change is necessary. The future will not wait. Now is the time for change.

 

Why Everything Bad Will Change for the Better

I recently spoke at the Women in Technology Summit in Silicon Valley. My speech was entitled, “Why Women Need to Lead,” which focuses the data and evidence that women make superior leaders in volatile, disruptive environments where continuous innovation is essential to success.

I’m also promoting a new movement, A Million SMART Women aimed at empowering a worldwide community of new women leaders.It’s an exciting time as I’ve been working with innovative education partners to provide mass on-line and on-site education to ramp up our impact.

Here’s why.

For the past 22 years, WITI has honored women in technology by inducting five or six women every year who have made revolutionary contributions in technology and science in ways that improve our quality of life. Last night I witnessed the raw power of six women who are doing things ranging from creating human tissue to heal diseased organs to designing life-saving robots. What makes these women remarkable is not just their brains and grit, but also their motives.

As they passed on their success secrets to over a thousand young female brainiacs, each one spoke of love as being a prime motive for their tireless efforts. It was breathtakingly inspiring.

When I returned to my room and turned on the TV what I saw was an alternate reality. It is the world of the present. The world my generation of baby boomers created.

For the past 15 years, I have studied generational research.  It’s fascinating how peoples’ values and attitudes seem to be shaped powerfully by the times they grew up in. Let me be clear, there are a lot of exceptions to the stereotypes I am about to comment on, but what follows reflects my direct experience, as well as the research I have examined over these past 15 years.

OUR FUTURE IS IN BIG TROUBLE… BUT, THERE’S HOPE

I believe our future is in big trouble because baby boomers are in charge. My experience with my generation born between 1945 and 1965 is that they are colossally selfish. They’ve taken self-interest to new levels of self-justification fueled by the stupid-idiotic-immoral ideas of the pseudo-intellectual’s of the time like Ayn Rand, William Buckley and Milton Friedman.

Rand infected a generation of college students extolling the virtues of selfishness and the immorality of charity.

The ever-snooty Buckley spent years on television telling the Boomer generation that the traditional order of things, which included racism, embedded in Jim Crow laws, were all part of the divine order in which people who are successful deserved to be, and people who are poor were simply lazy or stupid.

Milton Friedman convinced the new generation of business leaders that the only purpose of business was to make wealth for the owners rather than value for customers, a good job for employees, and enhance local communities. His glorification of corrupt self-interest was so complete that he claimed it was irresponsible, immoral, and illegal for business leaders to use any business assets for any purpose other than maximizing immediate financial gains for stockholders.  

He promoted the idea that company managers have no obligation to restrain pollution, improve worker safety or product reliability beyond the minimum legal requirements. He also maintained that smart corporate leaders should influence lawmakers to minimize regulations, taxes and any restraints on the naked pursuit of economic gain.

Rand, Buckley and Friedman found a very eager audience among Boomer age males.  You see Boomer children were raised by parents devoted to protecting them from the harsh realities they suffered in the great depression and World War II. As Boomers entered their teenage years, in the 60’s, the entire economy shifted to meet teenage whims and insecurities. It was truly a decade of sex, drugs and rock’n roll. I know. I was there.

A HISTORY OF BOOMER LEADERSHIP

Sixties Boomers are mistakenly credited with idealism, which inspired the civil rights movement and anti–war protests. But historians note that the civil-rights revolution was led by members of the greatest generation…leaders like Lyndon Johnson. The anti-war protests were driven by the citizen draft making it’s protest an exercise in self-interest rather than lofty idealism. (Since the military switched to an all-volunteer force we have been constantly sending troops into undeclared wars with little objection since our soldiers come from households living below or near the poverty line.)  So, the Boomer 1960’s was a mass expression of youth self-indulgence, and that was only the beginning.

By the 1970’s, Boomers turned to making money. The 60’s lingo of non-materialism and hippie flower power gave way to the pursuit of jobs, homes and cars. But underlying the quest for adulthood was the siren song of an economy fueled by personal consumption.

Boomers of the 1980’s watched the movie Wall Street without seeing the irony of the phrase “Greed is Good.” Instead they took it literally. 

Antitrust laws were gutted; Jack Welch pioneered mass employee layoffs of GE’s profitable businesses in order to take profits to fake levels. Meanwhile, paying executives with stock options became legal. This enabled Wall Street to demand that short-term financial tactics replace long-term growth strategies.

In the 90’s excessive consumption fueled new levels of social comparison in which the distinctions of rich and poor were obvious to everyone. Our Boomer led culture embraced the ideal that more is better and much more is much better. In the 1950’s almost no one had servants. Nannies were considered an artifact from the 19th century. But now dual career households had re-created the need for personal servants and the ultimate measure of success became a private jet.

Meanwhile Boomer business leaders got serious about becoming lean. Job outsourcing became popular and headcount reductions fueled a new mania in management consulting. Corporate pensions were eliminated in the social contract and employees were torn up. Research and development budgets were continuously cut.  Email replaced middle management. And Newt Gingrich launched the idea that governing was ideological warfare rather than the art of practical compromise.

During the first decade of the 21st-century the financialization of our economy became dominant. The stock market Internet bubble made millions for professionals, but evaporated the savings for millions of every day investors.

In 2005 I sat through a presentation made by Citibank Boomer leaders who claimed to have cracked the code on eliminating debt-risk through mortgage-backed securities. Wall Street pinheads created a fantasyland for materialist appetites by making 5000 ft. McMansions a must-have item. People bought homes with rooms they never used, filled with furniture they never sat on.

Meanwhile, Boomers kept working for the “man.” The man was a new breed of professional CEOs making tens of millions of dollars every year regardless of their competence. These are the idiots who got paid to nearly destroy our entire economy, along with trillions of dollars of middle-class savings. They are still in charge.

A GENERATION OF NEW IDEALS

It is now very clear that the children of boomers will not pay their dues.

That’s because they don’t want to join the club their parents have built. They have seen what mindless obedience to the “man” buys.  It is not the life they admire or value. The accumulation of evermore stuff does not create happiness, satisfaction or even enjoyment.  They have discovered that travel can be more enriching when you sleep in a spare bedroom of an AirBnB than a five-star hotel. They were suckered into massive student loans for inadequate educations. They have little loyalty to employers who have no loyalty to employees.

Nearly every new generation expresses ideals contrary to the dominant generation that preceded it. Boomers were wild and selfish, as much as their parents we’re traditional and communitarian.

The 125 million millennial’s are mostly inclusive and purpose seeking.

Of course, they are riddled with their own imperfections as with all humans. But one thing they are not…is timid about creating a world that works for everyoneAnd the leaders of this ideal are mostly millennial women. They finally get that they don’t need permission to change the world… and they will. These are the women I see at conferences today.

It makes me smile.

What we’re seeing play out, not only in our country, but worldwide, is the last distorted blast of Boomer excesses. When an old order dies it’s death rattle is grotesque. As long as Boomers lead our institutions, human suffering will increase.

  • Human trafficking will not stop.
  • New wars will replace old ones.
  • Money-laundering of corrupt billionaires will flourish.
  • Good companies will fail.
  • Starvation will increase.
  • Adequate healthcare will be difficult to access.
  • Harmful products will be sold.
  • Our air and water will be polluted.
  • The seas will rise, and
  • famines will be commonplace.

Although many of you might disagree, my long life and my decades of experience with powerful leaders tell me that we will turn this around.

We will turn it around because women, especially young women, who see beyond their self-interest in short term gain, will claim their power.

In the meantime, I will do EVERYTHING I can to make sure that happens.

That’s why we need A Million Smart Women leaders and men who support them. We need them to change Government, Business, Healthcare, Education, Science, Technology, Finance…everything. We need them to lead with their heads and their hearts. And I believe this new generation of young women has both the guts and the vision to do it.

Stay connected… this revolution is being live streamed.

 

How Work Mania Will Destroy Your Career

TED talks are supposed to make you smarter. But sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they make you stupid. A popular TED talk entitled, “Why you won’t have a great career,” by economist Larry Smith is absolutely some of the worst career advice ever given in public.

I can sum up his advice as…pursue your work with all your might and don’t think twice about investing your precious time in your children.  In fact, he tries to make his disdain for little kids a joke by claiming that at least he restrains himself from “kicking them.”

Nice joke, Larry. Not funny!

What drives me crazy about the advice to “lean-in” to work is that workaholism is often held out as a requirement for promotion to senior leadership. In recent years, I have heard many executives say work life balance is no longer possible so just deal with it. These are the same decision makers who consistently understaff their profitable enterprises to create chronic work-load emergencies.  As people rise in management, more 24/7 expectations are heaped on them as a kind of test of commitment. A stupid one.

Since women tend to value their loved ones more than their egos women are discouraged from achieving the leadership level they deserve. In my view women are punished for their values because our work cultures are psychologically unhealthy. When talented women and men who want more from life than power, status and money are handicapped because they won’t drink the poisoned Kool-Aid of work mania, it’s a sign of sanity…NOT a lack of commitment.

The question we need to ask ourselves is “what are we trying to accomplish?” None of Smith’s advice is grounded in the science of Life Satisfaction research. Interviews with 80 year olds reveal that the single greatest source of life satisfaction when we review our lives near the end is…this is no surprise…the quality of our closest human relationships.  And quality is defined as relationships of trust, authenticity, non-judgment and mutual advocacy. It’s those behaviors that create “loved-ones.” Those behaviors and one other.

The single greatest indicator of relationship quality is whether you simply enjoy being with each other when you’re not doing anything fun, interesting or exciting. When just being together doing the mundane things of life or even nothing at all is pleasurable you know you have a treasured  relationship. As the book “The Little Prince” tells us…you know you have a friend when you enjoy wasting time together. The only way to create that kind of soul satisfying friendship is an investment of time together. Not just quality time but a quantity of time.

So where does a great career show up in end of life satisfaction?  Doing satisfying work doesn’t actually show up until number four on most people’s lists. For many people it isn’t in their top ten. The reason is simple. Most people don’t discover an overwhelming inner passion for a particular work achievement. And the reason for that is work success is not their reason for living. Yes, of course we want to make our difference and be valued but 99.9 % of us are not going to alter the course of human history in a big way.

In fact, a university study revealed that at best, historians say less than 5000 people who have ever lived have “changed the world.” Since population experts estimate that 70 billion people have been born over the course of our earths’ existence, it is highly unlikely our work will change the world in a way that satisfies our ego’s quest for self- importance.

On the other hand, it is almost assured you will change the lives of your loved ones… for good or bad.

I have worked with a number of CEO’s until they retired. Not one has told me they regret spending too much time with their family and friends and wished they had sacrificed those relationships for their jobs.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am all for you having a great career. In fact, over 500,000 people have viewed my “Turn your Superpower into your Career” speech on University of California TV. (UCTV.tv) But clearly, becoming a workaholic is not the path to a great career. It’s a path to personal pathology. Most of the workaholics I have counseled were driven by a sense of personal inadequacy, an insecure ego drive or a lust for fame or power. Those are extremely poor guiding motives for personal career management.

The bottom line. 

  1. Your life is your career…not your job…. your life. So never ever let your job or your achievements define you. It will only make you neurotic and painfully boring.
  1. Only you can define your “great” career. I know bartenders and waiters who love their jobs because they are fulfilled by their interactions with customers. I know doctors and many lawyers who are very unhappy with their careers because they went into those fields for the wrong reasons. My mom had great fulfilling “career” as both a wife and mother and later a grandmother. Her career changed the lives of everyone she touched, especially mine. She made no money, was only famous among her friends and family and yet she was thrilled with her career. I know because near the end of her 91 year life she told me so.
  1. A great career is one which makes you a better person. As Aristotle put it your best life arises from fulfilling your higher nature. You best career and the only one that matters is becoming the best person you can imagine becoming. Of course you will forever remain quirky but your imperfections can be catalyst for growth, learning and creativity if you know what you’re up to.

One more thing…don’t overwork to make more money than you need. There have been times in my life when I did not have enough money and that is grinding.  But please consider what my friend Steve Clayback recently said….

“You have succeeded in life when all you really want is only what you really need.”

I believe the Beatles revealed all we really need….