3 Things to Never Ask a Military Veteran in the Workplace

Posted on by Merilee Kern

A veterans law attorney explains what critical questions to avoid when interviewing a military veteran for a job — and interacting with those already on-staff — to avoid legal landmines and to help foster a military-friendly employer status. While this story has a U.S. focus in honor of Veterans Day, these same questions can apply to any military veteran anywhere in the world.

According to the U.S. Department of Labor, in August 2019 the 3.4 percent veteran unemployment rate represented the 12th consecutive month this metric was lower than the non-veteran unemployment rate (currently at 3.6 percent). This is an indication that the hiring of veterans is going strong. According to NCSL.org, there are 18.8 million veterans living in the United States today, representing 7.6 percent of the country’s population. They are a robust, trained and skilled employee pool that have the potential to make a significant impact on U.S. industry and, in turn, the global economy at large.  

While the many benefits of hiring a military veteran have been well-publicized in the media, and U.S. employers are starting to take heed, there are a number of critical considerations business owners must keep in mind when considering appropriate language to use when dealing with a person who has served in the military. There are also some legal landmines to avoid when interviewing a veteran for employment — whether full or part time, contract, freelance or other.  

A Soldier with the Tennessee Army National Guard’s 278th Armored Cavalry Regiment, celebrates his reenlistment after swearing in a UH-60 Black Hawk, 200 feet above Tullahoma, Tennessee. Photo: US Army / Sgt. Sarah Kirby

According to retired Army Lieutenant Colonel John Berry of Berry Law Firm, you can improve your veteran hiring and retention by making small changes to your interview process. Berry, whose law firm became the first to ever receive the Department of Labor’s HIREVets Platinum Medallion, has filled his staff with veterans by following a few simple rules.  Among them are a list of questions to NEVER ask. These include:

• Do you have PTSD? Firstly, in an interview situation, it’s illegal to ask this mental health question before a job offer has been made under the Americans With Disabilities Act. It can’t be asked afterwards either, unless certain conditions are met. So, avoid this line of questioning (even after a hiring decision has been made) or risk exposing the company to legal repercussions. Second, it’s just disrespectful. The veteran will likely think they’re being stigmatized and labeled as “damaged goods” in some way, or regarded as the stereotypical “unstable veteran.” It will make it difficult to establish trust, a healthy rapport and a sustainable professional relationship going forward.

• Have you ever killed anyone? Most veterans who served in combat don’t want to discuss the details of their military service with a civilian, whether it be a boss or workplace colleague. This question can be offensive, disconcerting or generally uncomfortable to the veteran who did, in fact, have to take a life in the defense of his or her country. This question can be equally objectionable for veterans who made many sacrifices, but did not have to take the life of another. The idea of taking another human being’s life in the line of duty is a highly sensitive and emotion-evoking topic that demands the utmost courtesy and privacy.

Soldiers assigned to the 615th Engineer Construction Company, 4th Engineer Battalion, build Somali-style huts for a training area near Dire Dawa, Ethiopia, as part of Justified Accord 19. The accord is an annual joint exercise designed to strengthen partnerships, promote regional security and support peacekeeping operations for the African Union Mission in Somalia. Photo: US Army / Sgt. Aubry Buzek


• Have you ever been shot? While the veteran may not have a current disability from an injury, you don’t want to take the chance of touching on what could be deep-seeded emotional wounds and traumatic memories of physical distress that have been difficult to come to terms with. Furthermore, the veteran who was not in combat is likely proud of his or her accomplishments in the military, and, whether or not they’ve engaged in gunfire or been hit, may perceive the comment as belittling. In a DiversityInc.com workplace article, Army veteran Ryan Kules stated, “Far too often, people assume a level of familiarity with former military that not only breeches proper office conduct but also invades one’s ‘personal space’.”

U.S. Air Force Capt. Christa Lothes (left) hands donated materials for a sewing class to a local Afghan women during an afternoon tea. The regular event provides an opportunity to educate the local women on various humanitarian and security programs in place for them and their communities. Afghan women are very influential in their communities and talking with them is a powerful way to get information spread throughout the region. “They are just like us in that they want their roads to be free of bombs,” says Heather Kekic, the local military public affairs and information officer. “They don’t want their families hurt or killed by the violence.” Photo: US Air Force / Staff Sgt. Julie Weckerlein

With that in mind, according to a Military.com article, here are a few other things one should avoid asking military veterans in a job interview or any other form of conversation:

• Is it hard to get back to real life after being in the military?
• How could you leave your family for so long?
• What’s the worst thing that happened to you?
• Were you raped?

There are also some key concerns owners and managers should bear in mind when managing veterans who are already on the payroll as formal hires. According to Berry, here are a few main things to avoid:

• Don’t make combat references or analogies. It’s bad form to tell a veteran that dealing with a competitor or other professional foe is like “hand-to-hand combat” or that you’re taking “friendly fire.” Relating these kinds of serious phrases in the mind and heart of a veteran to civilian experiences can be distasteful at best — and even deemed utterly reprehensible. 

The night before American Soldiers stormed the beaches of Normandy, Joseph Reilly and the 101st Airborne Division parachuted behind enemy lines. He and his fellow soldiers helped secure Utah Beach and the first foothold in America’s liberation of Western Europe. Joseph also fought in Operation Market Garden, Battle of the Bulge, and the battle of the Ruhr Pocket. He now lives in San Diego, California. Photo: White House / Keegan Barber


• Don’t make fun of any military branch if you didn’t serve. It’s generally accepted for veterans to lightheartedly make fun of the other branches of service with and among fellow veterans. You might hear a vet refer to Marines as “crayon eaters,” joke about the Air Force “not really being military,” and other such tongue-in-cheek remarks. However, veterans greatly frown upon a person who has never served making fun of their branch of service or any other. 

• Don’t bad-mouth military conflicts. You may think you are showing empathy by talking about “unnecessary” wars and deployments and that our veterans should not have had to make sacrifices. Political views aside, you may be speaking to a veteran who is proud to have served in that conflict and, irrespective of all, respects the governmental decisions made to go that route. Don’t risk degrading the veteran’s actual service — and choice to throw themselves into the fray — because you disagree with the nature of the conflict.

The ban on women in combat was lifted Jan. 23, 2013. Though 99 percent of the careers offered in the Air Force are open to women, the decision will open more than 230,000 jobs across all branches of the military. 2019 marks the 26th year that the Department of Defense allowed women to serve as combat pilots. Photo: US Airforce / Senior Airman Micaiah Anthony

Also as reported on Military.com, as part of American coffee company Starbucks’ growing commitment to empower military veterans, it advises civilians to, “Get to know somebody and take it slowly, just like you would with anyone else. Ask questions about who they are, where they’re from and what they like to do.” Conversation starters included on Starbucks’ list include:

• How long did you serve?
• What did you do (in the Army, Navy, Marines, Coast Guard, Air Force, Guard, or Reserves)?
• Why did you choose that branch?
• Do you come from a military family?
• Did you visit any other countries?
• Where was your favorite place you lived?

A Soldier with the 3rd U.S. Infantry Regiment (The Old Guard) participates in a Joint Armed Forces Color Guard in support of Honor Flight Chicago at the World War II Memorial, Washington, DC. An Honor Flight is conducted by non-profit organizations dedicated to transporting as many United States military veterans as possible to see the memorials in D.C. of the respective war they fought in at no cost to the veterans. Photo: US Army / Sgt. Nicholas T. Holmes

“Veterans are some of the hardest working, dedicated and loyal employees you could ever hope to hire,” Berry notes. “I know, because I have hired dozens of them on my team. “In fact, they are the most important asset in my company. If you get the chance to hire a veteran, don’t mess up what can be a hugely fruitful and rewarding engagement by saying something distasteful — or downright stupid. As a hiring manager or a colleague, you can establish camaraderie with veteran coworkers by being a mindful and respectful person. The vet will undoubtedly ‘cover your six’ no matter what challenges come your way.”

3 Ways a Mental ‘Road Map’ Can Manifest Your Success

Posted on by Merilee Kern

For an entrepreneur, professional speaker, and success coach Sheryl Grant, transformational leadership through personal development and community building is the name of the game. She’s built her success on three visualizations that can apply to any CEO or entrepreneur. Here are her mental strategies for breaking through tough times.


A Ms. Olympia, beyond the age of 50, Sheryl knows what it takes to realize over-and-above achievement both in life and in business. Today, through her eponymous company Sheryl Grant Enterprises, she is helping CEOs, executives, entrepreneurs, and other professionals master critical areas of their careers. 

Her secret sauce? Sheryl taps into a trifecta of neuro-training, physical fitness, and increased productivity to unlock personal ambition, revenue potential, and self-confidence. She urges success-minded people to aspire to be FIT: Faith, Intuition, and Tenacity, to reach their goals. 

“FIT cultivates your inner ability to push through any of life’s obstacles, breakthrough barriers, and manifest your heart’s dreams and desires,” Sheryl explains. “Whether you seeking a promotion, new business endeavor, or a healthier body, FIT helps establish a mindset and emotional framework that will nurture, uplift, and inspire all areas of your life.

A key part of Sheryl’s presentations and webinars is a focus on developing mental strength through neuro-training. With my curiosity piqued, I recently connected with Sheryl to gain some insight into her mind-bolstering methodologies. As Sheryl explains, “It can help us cultivate a greater awareness of who we are, develop a road map of where we need (and want) to go, and conceptualize how to get there.”

1. Start a Dialogue with Yourself

Begin by asking yourself some basic questions: Who are you? What are you good at? What do people you care about see in you? When have you felt the most alive? What can you learn from others who have a definite purpose and who are inspirational to you? Such self-awareness fosters drive, confidence, and self-esteem that can transform you into an unstoppable force, giving you the strength to persist through failure and adversity. You’ll likely be happier, too, and an inspiration to those around you.

2. Identify All of Your Inner Strengths 

When people live in their “sweet spot,” they are more productive and naturally add value to the world around them. Accordingly, this “mode” is when people also tend to make more money! What are the things you’ve always been good at? What motivates and inspires you? Perhaps it’s things that come naturally to you, to the point that you wonder why others struggle in the same area? While passion can indeed also blossom from areas in which you aren’t naturally talented, Sheryl’s personal and professional experiences have shown that we rarely aspire toward ambitions for which we have no natural talent. As civil rights leader Howard Thurman once wrote, “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive, then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

3. Know Where You Add Value

Doing work that you’re good at, but which holds no passion for you, is not a pathway to fulfillment. When we know our greatest strengths and when we know where we can add the most value, we can better focus on the opportunities, roles, and career paths where success will likely occur. These are usually the same areas in which a person finds the highest sense of accomplishment and contribution. All too often, we undervalue our strengths, skills, and expertise that we have naturally acquired over time. A great way to discover this for yourself is to discern what you’re equipped to help solve in the workplace, career, organization, or industry. Also, uncovering what problems you enjoy solving, and what challenges you feel passionate about solving. The answers to these questions can help you focus and develop a much clearer series of intentions that are based on natural strengths and on things that you are innately good at, rather than trying to bolster or eliminate weaknesses. 

By overcoming personal challenges with the strategies above, Sheryl says she quickly learned that her greatest difficulty was not the obstacles in front of her, but rather the lack of belief and trust in herself. By shifting from a focus on fear and limitations to a focus on empowerment fueled by faith, intuition, and tenacity (FIT), she reached greater heights than ever before.

In summary, Sheryl conveyed her belief that, ultimately, unlocking one’s inner presence makes leaders the best businesspeople and human beings that they can be. She suffered in her own life until she established, and wholeheartedly practiced, her FIT philosophy. In doing so, she tackled extreme changes and enjoyed the process along the way.

3 Communications Basics that Will Build Your Confidence

Posted on by Merilee Kern

Communication is ingrained in every facet of life, yet many struggle with fear, insecurity and general ineffectiveness when finding themselves eye-to-eye with someone and presenting ideas, resolving complicated issues, express feelings, or “selling themselves.” 

According to Megan Rokosh, a global business communications expert with more than 12 years of agency public relations, media, and creative strategy experience, “Some people are paralyzed with fear at the very thought of taking an idea and communicating it, both in the workplace and their everyday life. However, confidence can be significantly bolstered by heeding even a few simple strategies — some fundamentals and essentials — that can improve one’s poise and self-assurance.”

Here are three of Rokosh’s confidence-building communications secrets:

1. Craft Situation Diffusion Dialogue 

Create an assortment of “go-to” statements you have at-the-ready — to handle awkward or hard situations and moments. These are assertions and declarations that you know work well and that you can whip out quickly when needed. For example, if you are late to a social outing, rehearse the phrase, “I’m so sorry I kept you waiting, my rule is that when I’m late, all the drinks are on me.” Or, when you’re at a loss for words, you can say, “I could have sworn that I packed my tongue today,” and lighten the moment. Having these short statements up your sleeve can help avoid those stumbling moments in awkward moments.

2. Give in to Vulnerability  

Vulnerability often equals likability, and they are indelibly connected — so use this truth to your benefit. There’s nothing more off-putting than arrogance, and seeming vulnerable can make you more relatable. If you’re nervous and kicking off a meeting, tell your audience to “be gentle with you” and have a quick laugh to loosen everyone up (and yourself). Self-effacing humor can be a powerful tool. Or, if you’re having a difficult time understanding something, say, “Sorry if I’m holding things up here, but can you explain one more time?” Your contrition will endear. 

3. Address Adversities Head-on

You will undoubtedly face times at work and home that require you to confront something difficult. Although challenging, the situation must be addressed to be effectively resolved. Great leaders always speak up, and you should, too! Make clear from the beginning that you intend to hear and consider the other person’s side. Say something like, “Your perspective is valid, and I want to hear what you have to say, but first, please allow me to share my thoughts.” This will give you the floor, hopefully uninterrupted, since the other party has been given the assurance they’ll have a chance to present their side as well. It goes without saying that this discourse should be in-person, versus text or email. There are times when a call or in-person meeting or video call is the right approach — where words, inflections, and expressions become more impactful and meaningful. 

Rokosh also reminds us that the world’s best communicators are trained that way. “It’s rare that the communicators we admire haven’t put in extensive work toward their oration skills. It allows them to speak eloquently, pause in powerful silence when appropriate, and address tough media questions,” she notes. “It’s important to remember that, while some people are inherently talented communicators, for many (if not most) becoming a confident communicator requires learned skills. It’s a simple strategy such as this, and proactively putting it to use, that will get you to where you want to be.”

If effective communicating is an area of insecurity for you, and you find yourself being held back by fear, try these three easy tips and feel more resilient and controlled — or, at least, exude the image that you are.

Good News: 10 Ways Water Can Keep You Healthy (Even While Sheltering in Place)

Posted on by Merilee Kern

Editors Note: Real Leaders is making its archive of magazines freely available to all visitors to our website as part of our contribution to the Covid-19 pandemic. We believe you’ll emerge stronger and wiser when this crisis passes, and we hope our stories will keep you entertained and inspired while we sit out this challenging time. Sign up here and you’ll be instantly redirected to our archive.

Here’s some guidance from the CDC, USDA, Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics and top-tier experts on proper hydration, and how to avoid becoming dehydrated; even while sheltering in place during a health crisis.

Water. We all need it — and know we need it — for optimum health and wellness, but shockingly few live their daily lives in an adequately hydrated state, and certainly not with any consistency. One doctor-driven report revealed that 75 percent of Americans might suffer from chronic dehydration. It went on to underscore that, “Over time, failure to drink enough water can contribute to a wide array of medical complications, from fatigue, joint pain and weight gain to headaches, ulcers, high blood pressure, and kidney disease.” This is the tip of the proverbial dehydration-induced, illness iceberg.

“During a normal day, we lose about two liters of water just through breathing, sweat, and other bodily functions,” notes board-certified internist Dr. Blanca Lizaola-Mayo. “Even while asleep, we can lose over one kilogram (2.2 pounds) of water-weight not just through sweating, but respiration as well. Even air conditioning has drying effects on our bodies. The health implications of dehydration are vast and can range from mild to severe, including problems with the heart, blood pressure and breathing, headaches, and cognitive issues like concentration, to name a few. Those who’ve felt that ‘afternoon slump’ should know that dehydration is the number one cause of daytime fatigue. And, it’s essential to understand that when we first start to sense thirst, we are already close to two percent dehydrated.”

For all of its importance, proper hydration is a delicate balance to uphold. An Institute of Medicine report cited the fragility of keeping the body duly hydrated, noting, “Over the course of a few hours, body water deficits can occur due to reduced intake or increased water losses from physical activity and environmental (e.g., heat) exposure.” So, a perfectly hydrated body can tip the scales into a dehydrated state in a reasonably short amount of time, whether actively (as with exercising), or passively (as with breathing). 

Understanding there are commonplace facets of our collective lifestyles that put us at a higher risk of developing mild to severe dehydration, here are some insights and tips from preeminent health experts help you stay happily hydrated:

How Much Water Do You Need? 

According to the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, “Many factors impact how much water you need, including your age, gender, activity level, and overall health … For women, the amount of total water is about 11.5 cups per day, and for men, about 15.5 cups. These estimates, however, include fluids consumed from both foods and beverages, including water. You typically get about 20 percent of the water you need from the food you eat. Taking that into account, women need about nine cups of fluid per day and men about 12.5 cups to help replenish the amount of water that is lost.”

What Are Common Causes of Dehydration?

According to the Mayo Clinic, “Sometimes dehydration occurs for simple reasons: You don’t drink enough because you’re sick or busy, or because you lack access to safe drinking water when you’re traveling, hiking or camping.” While certainly not all-inclusive, known causes for dehydration can encompass sweating from exercise and playing a sport; air travel; traversing in overly hot, humid, cold or windy weather conditions; drinking too much coffee and other diuretic beverages; recovering from a hangover; and a litany of other relatively commonplace daily activities.

Do All Fluids Hydrate the Body?

No. The Cleveland Clinic is very clear with its advisory that “Some beverages are better than others at preventing dehydration,” and that “alcoholic and caffeinated beverages, such as coffee, teas, and colas, are not recommended for optimal hydration. These fluids tend to pull water from the body and promote dehydration. Fruit juice and fruit drinks may have too many carbohydrates, too little sodium, and may upset the stomach. Adequate hydration will keep your summer activities safer and much more enjoyable.”

What Are Some Benefits of Proper Hydration?

While the benefits of a properly hydrated body are copious, the CDC points to a few top-line health advantages, including keeping your temperature regular; lubricating and cushioning joints, protecting your spinal cord and other sensitive tissues; and getting rid of wastes through urination, perspiration and bowel movements. Healthline also offers several evidence-based health benefits of drinking plenty of water, which include maximizing physical performance, optimized energy levels, and mood, and aiding digestion and elimination. Be mindful of water intake, however, as Dr. Lizaola-Mayo warns, “Drinking too much water, or fluid can lead to hyponatremia, which causes sodium in the cells to become diluted and too low and can be dangerous—and even life-threatening—if untreated.”

What Are Signs of Early or Mild Dehydration?

The Rehydration Project non-profit organization says that “the degree of dehydration is graded according to signs and symptoms that reflect the amount of fluid lost. In the early stages of dehydration, there are no signs or symptoms. Early symptoms are difficult to detect but include dryness of mouth and thirst. As dehydration increases, signs and symptoms develop.” According to the organization, symptoms of early or mild dehydration include the following: flushed face; extreme thirst; consuming more than usual or the inability to drink; dry, warm skin; the inability to pass urine or reduced amounts (dark, yellow); dizziness made worse when standing; weakness; cramping in the arms and legs; crying with few or no tears; sleepiness or irritableness; sickness; headaches; dry mouth or dry tongue with thick saliva.

What Are Signs of Moderate to Severe Dehydration?

The Rehydration Project also denotes that symptoms of moderate to severe dehydration include low blood pressure; fainting; severe muscle contractions in the arms, legs, stomach, and back; convulsions; a bloated stomach; heart failure; sunken fontanelle—soft spot on an infants head; sunken dry eyes with few or no tears; skin loses its firmness and looks wrinkled; lack of elasticity of the skin (when a bit of skin lifted up stays folded and takes a long time to go back to its normal position); rapid and deep breathing (faster than usual); and a quick, weak pulse. They say that “In severe dehydration, these effects become more pronounced and the patient may develop evidence of hypovolemic shock, including diminished consciousness; lack of urine output; cool, moist extremities; a rapid and feeble pulse (the radial pulse may be undetectable); low or undetectable blood pressure; and peripheral cyanosis. Death follows soon if rehydration is not started quickly.”

Who Is At Greatest Risk of Dehydration?

No one is immune to a dehydrated condition, but specific populations are at higher risk. The Mayo Clinic indicates that these vulnerable groups include infants and children, older adults, those with chronic illnesses, and people who work or exercise outside. Serious complications can ensue, which they point out can include heat injury (ranging in severity from mild cramps to heat exhaustion or potentially life-threatening heatstroke); urinary tract infections, kidney stones, and even kidney failure; seizures due to electrolyte imbalance, sometimes with a loss of consciousness; and low blood volume (hypovolemic) shock. They say it’s time to call your doctor if you or a loved one “has had diarrhea for 24 hours or more; is irritable or disoriented and much sleepier or less active than usual; can’t keep down fluids, or has a bloody or black stool.”

How Can You Be a Water-Wise Shopper?

The USDA recommends consumers shop smartly, advising us to “Use the Nutrition Facts label to choose beverages at the grocery store. The food label and ingredients list contain information about added sugars, saturated fat, sodium, and calories to help you make better choices.” There are also highly efficient and economical dehydration avoidance and treatment innovations that can be integrated into one’s lifestyle and used daily. The experts at SOS Hydration explain that their medically-formulated drink-mix powder accelerates hydration equivalent to an I.V. drip, rehydrating the body fully three-times faster than by drinking water alone. This unique product’s heightened hydration process leverages the body’s digestive “sodium/glucose co-transport system”—an Oral Rehydration Therapy (ORT) endorsed by the World Health Organization (WHO) and UNICEF.

Can Foods Help You Stay Hydrated?

Yes, the body intakes hydration not only from water and other liquids but foodstuffs as well—some boasting as much 90 percent water content. According to the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, those in the 90-100 percent water content range include fruits like cantaloupe, strawberries, and watermelon, as well as vegetables like lettuce, cabbage, celery, spinach, and cooked squash. The organization further states that options with 70 to 89 percent of water content include fruits like bananas, grapes, oranges, pears and pineapples; vegetables such as carrots, cooked broccoli, and avocados; and dairy products like yogurt, cottage cheese, and ricotta cheese. For drinks, the good folks at EatRight.org advise we focus on unsweetened beverages, like water, to limit calories from added sugars, and to use strategies to increase water intake—like adding a flavor enhancer. For this, a fruit-flavored rehydration accelerant like the SOS Hydration drink mix can do tasty double duty.

Can Sports Drinks Undermine Hydration?

Yes. Why pay extra money for excess sugar when what you need are electrolytes? Dr. Lizaola-Mayo says that “in truth, only a minimal amount of sugar is required to help transport electrolytes and water into the cells as part of the sodium-glucose co-transport system. This system is most effective when it utilizes one molecule of sugar and one molecule of sodium in combination, which helps create the fastest and most effective way to transport water into the cells for hydration. Even water rehydration and other drinks that do claim to utilize the sodium-glucose co-transport system have been shown to contain excess sugar to enhance taste, apparently discounting the fact that that this added sugar commensurately increases calorie count and undermines cellular H2O absorption. If there is excess sugar in a drink, even one engineered as a rehydration solution; then you can trigger reverse osmosis. This process occurs when there is an incorrect balance of sugar to sodium. Sodium always follows sugar, and water always follows sodium. In a correctly balanced drink (utilizing the sodium-glucose co-transport system), the water and electrolytes optimally flow into the cells. In high sugar “rehydration” drinks, there is too much sugar for the quantity of sodium and, as such, sodium and then water is leached from the cells and passed out of the body as urine. This can cause dehydration—the opposite effect for a rehydration or sports beverage one has spent their hard-earned dollars to purchase.”

So whether indoors or out, active or at rest, suffering illness or perfectly healthy, one thing is clear: Keeping your water sources well at hand and ingesting with regularity (and consistency) can have a profoundly beneficial effect on your health and well-being. It’s one easy and highly accessible assist for a multitude of maladies.

8 Ways to ‘Speak Human’ and Change the Game

Posted on by Merilee Kern

A new book, Conversation Marketing, reveals how companies can make and maintain more meaningful, impactful and enduring connections within the marketplace — by telling authentic stories, fostering customer engagement, and breeding brand loyalty.

Nobody starts out automatically caring about your products or services. They care about how you can make a difference in their lives. No matter the context, all relationships begin with a “handshake moment,” whether literally or figuratively—those first few introductory moments that reveal a great deal about the character of the person standing before you. Why should company interactions with current and prospective customers or clients be any different? 

 Sure, “content marketing” has been a crucial ingredient impelling the evolution of traditional marketing into today’s more personalized approach, bridging the gap between cookie-cutter TV, radio, and print mass marketing to highly customized digital and social media-driven communications. Even so, today’s more personalized digital communications have plenty of challenges, all too often falling on “deaf ears” and “blind eyes” amid a marketplace becoming highly desensitized to the glut of advertising and marketing messages it is exposed to any given hour of any given day…year in and year out. 

So, how can brands make and maintain meaningful connections and create a lifetime value with customers in ways that’ll set them apart in a “noisy,” increasingly jaded, and discriminating marketplace? How can businesses tell an authentic story to foster maximized marketplace engagement and breed brand loyalty? According to Kevin Lund, author of the new book, “Conversation Marketing: How to be Relevant and Engage Your Customer by Speaking Human,” the proverbial key to the Kingdom is for companies, no matter their size and scope, to simply “speak human.” 

 In this new book Lund, who’s CEO of T3 Custom—itself a content marketing firm helping brands learn to “speak human” and supercharge ROI reportedly by as much as16-times, provides an in-depth analysis of what’s required to succeed in today’s modern marketing era, which he’s aptly coined the “Conversation Age.” Specifically, he details fundamental principles critical for driving the more evolved conversation marketing approach, which can help companies amplify results on multiple fronts. 

 According to Lund, “Those who are wildly successful at conversation marketing understand the strategy is not merely about propagating online content and sharing through social media accounts. Instead, it’s a disciplined approach to communicating with a target audience in a way that tells a simple, human story that will educate, inform, entertain and, most importantly, compel customers in a way that fully captures mind–and-market share through messaging that truly resonates. Companies must stop talking ‘at’ their customers and, instead, connect with them by simply speaking human. And, it’s far beyond that initial ‘handshake moment—it’s through a constant stream of congenial engagements with each consumer, or the marketplace at large, based on trust and performance.”

 Think it’s complicated to be an adept conversation marketer and speak human to your constituents? Think again! Below are eight of Lund’s tactical strategies from the new book that can help companies large and small become more engaging and relevant with customers, and the marketplace at large:

 1. Earn Attention

To gain attention in today’s crowded market, it’s prudent to do the opposite of what most everyone else is doing. That means don’t deliver clichéd, boring content that’s written for robots—search engines or otherwise—and for generic consumption. It’s unsustainable for you and your brand as well as frustratingly futile for the audience you’re trying to reach. Instead, speak human by engaging your audience with eye-level language to gain their attention and set your brand apart. Learn to use language that educates and entertains the audience. 

Earning attention starts with asking yourself what you and your company are passionate about and conveying that genuinely in that all-important “handshake moment” of first contact—online or otherwise. Assume you’re meeting the person on the other side of the screen for the first time. Think of what you can say that’s new, memorable, a standout, and jargon-free. Also, understand and adapt to your audience. You wouldn’t talk the same way to an aging Baby Boomer as you would to a teenager.

2. Tell a Story

How do you hold someone’s attention long enough to break down a topic and engender his or her trust, but also in a way that’s unforgettable and leaves that person feeling more knowledgeable than before? The answer lies in good storytelling. 

Good conversations are filled with good stories and anecdotes. But be mindful that the hero of the story isn’t your company or its products, but rather how your product or service will have a positive impact on your customers’ lives. If you can elicit an emotional response, you’re onto something. Some standout companies have figured this out. Apple’s story, for example, isn’t about devices. It’s about innovation and how our lives are being changed for the better with Apple technology in them. Learn how to make your story short, to the point, and easy to share online.

3. Stay Humble

Being humble begins with letting go of ego—that instinctual part of the psyche that screams for a marketer to make too much noise about products or services and brag about themselves. Sigmund Freud developed a psychoanalytic theory of personality he coined the “id,” and marketers often tap into their ids by telling the world how great their company and its products are, and how great a potential customer will be for buying them. The id operates based on the pleasure principle, which demands immediate gratification of needs. 

In conversation marketing, speaking human dictates that your customer’s needs, not your own, are the top priority. Your audience wants to know what you can do for them, and that means stop talking about yourself and drop the megaphone. Instead, embrace a different approach that thoughtfully and humbly explains why you do what you do and why it can make a difference in someone’s life instead of focusing on your bottom line. Stop beating them over the heads with the fabulous features and benefits of your products. Instead, tell stories that inspire and resonate with their own life experiences.

4. Pick Your Party

Equally crucial to the “how” of your conversation is the “where.” It should all fit seamlessly together and feel natural and organic at that moment. Part of learning how to talk to your audience and engage them in any form of conversation is deciding where to talk to them in the first place. 

This means doing the footwork to learn where your potential customers gather and meeting them on their ground. Where do your potential customers hang out on social media? What are they saying, and what challenges are they discussing that you can compellingly weigh-in on? Readily available research tools can help you join the right conversation at the right time and in the right place with consistency.

5. Be Relevant (on a Molecular Level)

Authentic listening is about far more than hearing words. It’s also about fully understanding the message and concepts being imparted—whether they’re needs, wants, desires, or even complaints. Being relevant means making sure you’re talking about topics that are of sure interest to your audience, and that’s often achieved by addressing their pain points. Before a marketer can aptly communicate and speak to such pain points; however, he or she must first hear what the prospect, customer, or marketplace has to say. It can be dangerous, expensive, and ultimately futile for companies to presume to inherently know what should be stated in conversation marketing. 

6. Start the Conversation 

How do you gain audience attention in a way that prevents you from just being part of the noise? It’s no longer a question of whether you should insert yourself into the world of content marketing. It’s a matter of when you’re going to start talking, what you’re going to say, and how you’re going to say it. One good approach is to base that initial conversation on your unique value proposition for the given audience. 

It’s essential always to remember that your target audience doesn’t care about you. They care what you can do for them. If you’ve done your research, you’ll be familiar with their pain points and better prepared to offer answers that address their needs. Don’t be a “me-too” marketer who dishes out the same information as everyone else. Instead, develop a unique angle with a thought-provoking headline that sparks attention—even better if it disrupts conventional thinking. Also, know your topic inside out before communicating and make sure any other people handling your communications are experts in the field. You don’t want to risk sounding trite or inaccurate.

7. Stop Talking

Unlike a monologue, a conversation is a two-way endeavor. Knowing when to stop talking is as important as knowing what to say and when to say it. It’s the only way to truly get a sense of what your audience (or your potential customer) is thinking in reaction to what you’ve offered, and whether to stay the course in your strategy or tweak it on-the-fly. Once you hear preliminary feedback, you can respond to questions and concerns before moving ahead or otherwise course-correct as needed. Also, bear in mind that what your audience isn’t saying can be just as impactful as what they do convey. 

Once your message is out, take a step back, and “read the room.” That could mean monitoring online response to your blog post or using various tools to learn which of your resources are drawing attention. Are people engaged? Are they adding to the conversation? What should you do if the feedback is bad? Don’t consider a negative response or lack of response, necessarily a failure. Instead, see it as an opportunity to adjust, make changes, and perhaps find ways to meet your audience’s needs better.

8. Ditch the Checklist

Before every takeoff, airline crews verbally work through an extensive checklist. There’s a detailed set of tasks to cover before the plane can even push back from the gate. However, in an ebb and flow conversation marketing context, this adherence to a specific protocol can pose limitations. Indeed, one problem with simply sticking to a checklist is that a content marketing strategy will never evolve with the times or differentiate itself in any way from what everyone else is doing. 

Successful marketers endeavor to open new horizons. They take a step back and ask more critical questions about themselves and their companies’ ultimate goals, as well as what sort of new challenges their audience or customers might face over time–how to adjust when needed aptly. 

 Lund also suggests finding sources of inspiration. “Explore some of the successful content marketing plans that showed passion, ditched the tired old language, zeroed in on what customers needed, and started a real conversation with the market,” he urges. “Then scrutinize your strategy and see where it might be lacking, so that you can continually refine your checklist.”

7 Growth Strategies to Spur Fresh Success

Posted on by Merilee Kern

Growth. All businesses and professionals should desire it and most certainly need it. But achieving and sustaining growth in today’s uber-complex environment — whether corporate, entrepreneurial or personal career growth — takes multifaceted vision, ingenuity and agility.

Indeed, a lack of growth in business speaks volumes. It says a business or individual hasn’t fruitfully evolved in its own lifecycle (or career cycle), hasn’t kept pace with industry trends, that increased profitability isn’t being prioritized (or valued) … or all of the above. Even when all of these things are successfully realized, there’s still quite a macro fight to be had as one endeavors to advance. 

For companies, economic indicators are a useful benchmark which often portray how ominous or encouraging the growth opportunity landscape may be. For example, according to intel from The Conference Board’s Economic Forecast for the U.S. Economy, GDP data shows that “… growth slowed in the final quarter of the year [2018],” and that, “during 2019, expect growth to slow further, as effects from fiscal stimulus measures wane …” Such intel can put things into perspective and prompt businesses to pivot on activities and expectations for the period.

But even as businesses at large strive to thrive, so too must the individual professionals that drive them. At the end of the day, a business’ success, or lack thereof, is a direct reflection of their people — from ownership and management to frontline and support staff and everyone between. 

For some insight-oriented motivation, here’s a glimpse at how some business owners and professionals are growing their businesses and capitalizing on opportunities in their respective industries while promoting professional self-development. 

#1 – Embrace Your Uniqueness, Don’t Try to Blend In

Whether with respect to a company’s offerings, approach or image — or to staffers, themselves — uniqueness and authenticity can be key in attracting and entrenching customers. Sure, it’s easy to “play it safe” and still turn a profit, but to fully achieve breakthrough goals and hit seemingly impossible targets requires taking risks — true, and even unconventional, sincerity among them. Harvard-trained lawyer Chinwe Esimai, the first African to secure a global executive role at one of the world’s largest banks, encourages individuals to embrace “shining in their own lanes,” even in corporate America. By not downplaying her efforts or her Nigerian-born immigrant background and by staying true to her uniqueness, Esimai achieved extraordinary success with a banking industry leader. 

#2 – Increase the Value of Your Brand

For companies, your brand isn’t your brand until you’ve legally maximized all of your resources. This is according to patent lawyer JiNan Glasgow George, who underscores that, for multi-billion-dollar companies like Apple or Nike, their trademark, logo and patent is what they focus on to drive value. George, who helps small businesses understand the power behind copyrighted brands, explains that intellectual properties (IP) provide protection against other companies from “borrowing” your ideas while also solidifying the uniqueness of your brand.  

When it comes to one’s personal trademark, Karen Leland, author of “The Brand Mapping Strategy: Design, Build, and Accelerate Your Brand,” suggests developing your brand by design, not default. “Know precisely where you are so you can discern where you need to go,” she says. “Every business person, from secretary to CEO, needs to start by assessing the personal brand they currently have and be truthful about the degree to which it exists by design — or default. Then they need to take stock of the impact that current brand is having. Is your brand producing the reputation you desire? What is it about what you do, or how you do it, that makes you unique, distinct and special? What sets you apart? Positioning yourself by specifically articulating how your brand speaks to the needs of your audience, coupled with the unique way you address those needs, is critical to creating an effective personal brand. And the more specific you can be, the better.”

#3 – Double Down on Failure

Many in business are understandably discouraged after taking a loss, let alone experiencing a series of losses or rejections. However, with a fresh point-of-view on failure you just might be able to turn those setbacks into growth springboards. In fact, in his book, WTF?! (Willing to Fail) Brian Scudamore (founder and CEO of 1-800-GOT-JUNK?), explores the notion of “failing upward” and, in the process, “using setbacks to change your business for the better.” He asserts that “being an entrepreneur means letting go of fear,” and I contend that all aspiring professionals (not just entrepreneurs) should embrace this paradigm. 

Speaker and business guru Anthony Russo was able to wrangle his fear and rejection worries–to an extent that he built a seven-figure business in less than 18 months. Russo achieved this remarkable revenue benchmark by “doubling down” that, as he puts it, “is the art of leveraging failure to accelerate success.” By this, he means absorbing everything he passively learned from each prior failure and proactively learned about each situation by seeking and researching new tactics and trying again. While Russo concedes that failure is a significant part of nearly any business process, especially relating to company ownership, he urges that powering through can lead to success that may not just meet, but exceed, original expectations.

#4 – Fractionalize Unforeseen Problems

Unanticipated problems or events are always spontaneously occurring, and that unpredictability — especially with complications — can wreak havoc on the most well-conceived plans, sabotage timelines and send expenses soaring. This is why many companies invest so largely in prevention development teams — a strong resolution department to solve problems before and after they happen to keep the momentum and productivity flowing. But, not all companies — and certainly not individuals — have the luxury of having a department team at-the-ready to alleviate the angst. Franchise and small business expert Brian Clark, owner of Service Team of Professionals (“STOP”) franchises, uses a simple method to avoid unforeseen obstacles from overtaking his businesses. According to Clark, “Every problem can be solved by asking the right questions and breaking down the problem. Fracturing each challenge to small, accomplishable tasks will not only be less intimidating, but also easier to maneuver.” 

#5 – Work Smarter, Play Harder

Productivity is a key priority in the labor supply-and-demand chain. It’s easy to focus on profits and products, dismissing the “how” it all gets done. Yes, Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it also wasn’t built single-handily either. Many businesses and professionals have been taught strategies to “work smarter not harder.” But well-respected business advisor and company CEO Richard Polak subscribes to “work smarter, play harder.” He’s advised the world’s largest companies, including the likes of General Electric, to focus on time and output. To invest in the well-being of its staff as well as invest in technologies that boost its efficiency and capacity, thus maximizing work time and morale to boost bottom lines. Polak differentiates himself by referring to his model as “compassionate” productivity strategies.

According to an Accenture study, “The parallels between a superior customer experience and employee experience are striking. An optimized customer experience generates loyalty and additional sales. A stellar employee experience attracts talent and boosts workforce engagement, productivity and retention. This, in turn, directly improves a business’s financial performance.” The net result? The report revealed that “companies with highly engaged workforces are 21 percent more profitable than those with poor engagement.”

#6 – Embrace Value System-Driven Victory


Pak Chau, the wildly successful tech entrepreneur who operates in various sectors like social networking, e-commerce and esports, did the unthinkable. As a value-driven entrepreneur, Chau had undertaken a successful ICO (Initial Coin Offering) to raise nearly $2.5-3 million for his esports platform. But, subsequent to raising these funds, he had an epiphany. Chau returned the money from investors and told his team they were going to start raising sales-driven capital from scratch. Why? As months passed after the ICO, Chau harbored an ominous feeling. “Deep down in my heart,” he recalls, “I felt that something was wrong. I felt that the energy in the office was slowly draining.” One reason for that was the newly-established investors from the ICO. “They knew nothing about gaming,” Chau laments. “They were offering advice that did not resonate well with me or my team, and it was starting to obviously impact the company culture.”

Chau was looking for more than generating revenue, but rather to actualize a more holistic measure of achievement. Having foregone the funds from the ICO — undeniably a gut-wrenching decision most entrepreneurs would never have the stomach to execute — he had to figure out a way to launch on a shoestring budget. He believed that he could build his new business directly with the customer; in this case as a community-based marketplace. So, Chau pressed ahead without the ICO-driven funds and ultimately launched his community-based solution. Within days, it attracted more than 20,000 users and now, less than a year later, it boasts more than 70,000.

Chau feels that, at the end of the day, it’s really about the conscience of the entrepreneur. He personifies this notion and walks the walk… all the way to the bank.

#7 – Control What You Can

While cliché, they are undeniable truths: Perception is reality and “image is everything,” as painfully vain as these maxims sound. From one’s physical appearance to how one behaves, people tend to judge first and reason later. The same holds true for a business facility. Whether an office lobby, a retail display window, a website home page or even the body condition of fleet vehicles, aesthetics play a mission-critical role in overcoming the litany of obstacles and objections that are initially present with a new engagement. The influence of appearance is something serial beauty and cosmetics industry entrepreneur Dawn Hunter knows all too well, having built an empire helping people cultivate and refine their image by putting their best face forward.  

Looks aside, the idea of “controlling what you can” is about far more than trying to make yourself as outwardly attractive as possible. It’s about embracing your inner beauty, strength and fortitude and being utterly and unequivocally confident in your capabilities. 

Epitomizing these philosophies is former Ms. Olympia 50+ Sheryl Grant who, after leaving a corporate career, discovered that transforming her body began with a shift of what she could control: her mindset. She developed what she now calls the “F.I.T. for Business” model based on principles of faith, intuition and tenacity and went on to win Ms. Olympia her first time competing at age 55. Today, Grant teaches entrepreneurs and executives that, while they can’t always control their external surroundings, they can determine how they respond to situations.  She imparts that their perspective and beliefs often drive success, or lack thereof, and play a big role in shaping their future.  

As the old adage goes, there’s more than one way to skin a cat … and there’s certainly more than one way to spur growth for your business or career trajectory. The seven strategies above, particularly when employed in multiplicity, can catapult your professional endeavors to new heights. It’s never too late and there’s no better time than now.

The Superstar Paradox: 5 Reasons Overachievers Miss the Mark

Posted on by Merilee Kern

How overachievers can stop sabotaging their own success or level of satisfaction after attaining superstar status.

In today’s fast-paced business climate where nothing is certain but rapid-fire change, the masses within business and work-life have surrendered themselves to “overachievement” in the pursuit of career success. Not just ordinary success, but rather the kind that exceeds expectations — courtesy of an excessive “above and beyond” mentality. Some relent to a life of overachievement willingly and enthusiastically as they yearn to earn, while others grievously succumb to a multitude of pressures (both external and self-inflicted) and work themselves to extremes in order to achieve and maintain an enviable stature and lifestyle.

Indeed, overachievement is a concept that has become a gold standard on how to become a “superstar” in business, career goals and life. Just Google “how to overachieve” and the web will dutifully deliver over 355,000 resources to help your prosperity. 

While overachievement certainly has it’s tremendous share of virtues — having brought about profound innovation, breakthroughs, productivity and abundance, there’s often a dark side to this extreme approach to advancement. For some, dreams come true, but throngs of others miss the mark despite their best efforts. “This often happens because they’re aiming for achievements instead of at a deeper understanding of themselves and what they want,” asserts Keren Eldad, a certified business coach and keynote speaker, who is a trusted advisor to industry-leading executives, acclaimed entrepreneurs and premier organizations such as Beyond Capital, Luxxotica, Van Cleef & Arpels, YPO, LVMH and IWC.

“It’s a silent story shared by many who present a happy, accomplished and enviable image: one of putting on pretenses and internally writhing with angst and anxiety, of never having enough, of insecurity, doubt and dissatisfaction — a state I have coined  the ‘Superstar Paradox,’” says Eldad. “The paradox occurs when pursuing illusory things we think we want, but actually produces undesirable results such as strain in avoiding low self-worth and general unhappiness — consequences that actually impede our ability to attain what we want. It can become an exhausting and hugely debilitating vicious circle.”

According to Eldad, the Superstar Paradox is a tough condition to solve because there’s one major, difficult hurdle to get past: admitting there’s a problem. “This requires relinquishing our main armor: that we know everything; that we have things ‘figured out,’” she says. “The key lies in accepting that ‘we don’t know what we don’t know’ and developing the courage and means to swap illusory happiness for a bona fide pursuit of wisdom that can bring true fulfillment, power and possibility.”

That’s easier said than done, of course, and as daunting and even enigmatic as it might seem, taking that proactive first step is critical. So, in the spirit of “starting somewhere,” Eldad offers the five foundational insights below to help ensure that some of your overachievement behaviors and mindsets won’t undermine your success — or your level of life satisfaction after realizing superstar status.

  • Reframe your success story. Overachievers often believe that success only comes from power, money or status. Yes, those things are important benchmarks for career measurement, but being successful in life overall should be the true Holy Grail. So, if you’re a C-suite executive, or aspire to be, but are riddled with anxiety, stress, pain and dissatisfaction (with relationships suffering as a result) it’s evident that money and status isn’t proving as worthwhile as it can be. To initiate change, be brave enough to reframe your personal story, from cover to cover. Life isn’t meant to be one-dimensional or even work-centered, so sit down and map out what you’d like each aspect of your life to look like if it were a true success. Start with career goals to get the juices flowing, as that might come easily, but then do separate exercises for as many other areas of your life that you can think of. This can include marriage, children, extended family, friendships, professional networks, social media/networking, investments, travel, physical fitness, self-care/beauty, fashion and style, transportation, entertainment, hobbies and passions and so on. Life is abundant. You’ll soon see that life fulfillment means — and needs — so much more than what happens at work. It can be a means to an end, but there’s so much more in between. Once you start mapping it out, you might come to the realization that you’ve been missing out on quite a lot in your quest for career glory. Reframe your success story with a more holistic approach—know what success “looks” like for each facet of your one and only life and commit (for real) to get there on all fronts.
  • Get out of your own way. Even superstars create self-imposed limitations based on what they originally perceived their goal or benchmark of success to be. Once achieved, it’s instinctive to want to bask in that “place,” both emotionally and physically. After all, you worked hard to get there. But, overachievers inevitably will want more, and then other kinds of self-imposed limitations kick in that are often founded on what we perceive our own capabilities and opportunities — or lack thereof — to be. Even the most confident overachievers suffer the “I can’t” internal rant. Take heed that “can’t” usually is not a real thing. From “I can’t afford to do what I really want” to “I can’t start over,” this word usually really means “I won’t”… I won’t try, I won’t make it, I won’t have good ideas. Yes, you worked darn hard to earn your current accolades and are pleased with yourself and where you are, but sometimes a hard pivot is needed to get you where you really want to go. The truth is never that you cannot, you just have to get yourself past the “will not.” Resources such as talent, money, conditions, time, etc. are often not a genuine end game, but rather merely obstacles and challenges that CAN be overcome with the right amount of ingenuity and chutzpah. 
  • Classify and conquer your “fatal flaw.” One definition of a “fatal flaw” is that which causes an otherwise noble or exceptional individual to bring about their own downfall, which can be their own death — figuratively or literally. The idea that any particular fatal flaw is holding us back is a primary reason why so many overachievers become hooked on their achievements and come to rely on fake confidence and aggrandizement versus operating from a place of vulnerability and authenticity. This in an effort to hide or cover up that flaw — consciously or unconsciously. Sometimes the phrase “character flaw” reveals that the flaw is about the person and not the circumstance around them. One report cites that: “Heroes have a fatal flaw which they wrestle with consistently. This may open them up for specific conflicts later.” It underscores that this sinister type of flaw can hurt you now, and also well into the future. So, to achieve true superstar status fostering genuine, lasting happiness, it’s imperative to discern if you have a fatal flaw and, once identified, work wholeheartedly to resolve it — or learn how to effectively function at a high-level with it (if that’s even possible). One piece of research identified “ Ten Fatal Flaws That Derail Leaders” that includes things such as “don’t collaborate,” “resist new ideas,” and “accept your own mediocre performance.” It contains one particularly eye-opening point: that these flaws “sound like obvious flaws that any leader would try to fix. But the ineffective leaders we studied were often unaware that they exhibited these behaviors. In fact, those who were rated most negatively, rated themselves substantially more positively. Leaders should take a very hard look at themselves and ask for candid feedback on performance in these specific areas. Their jobs may depend on it.”
  • Course-correct crippling self-constructs. A common obstacle to a “superstar” realizing genuine happiness is their own reliance on self-esteem, which is different from self-acceptance. Self-esteem is defined as “a positive or negative orientation toward oneself; an overall evaluation of one’s worth or value” and, for overachievers, depends on external conditions being met (i.e., what they are achieving) and how they “rank” against others in society. Self-acceptance, which is a critical factor in genuine happiness and authenticity, is founded on other key self-constructs like self-compassion — a person’s ability to forgive themselves for essentially being human and, thus, imperfect. Overachievers and accomplished superstars are susceptible to being heavily dependent upon the opinions of others and their corresponding status. In many cases, this feeling of unworthiness is what coaches like myself consider a fatal flaw for the overachiever. It’s that “something” about themselves they feel makes them “less than.” A secret they think that if others knew, would cause them to be disrespected or rejected. For overachievers, what becomes a fatal flaw is often a common imperfection, such as body weight, assets, health, children, relationships and even their homes. Anything can be regarded as a flaw needing to be perfected. It can become a never-ending, and sometimes futile, battle. This persistent effort fosters stress, and the fallout can be similar to those with a penchant for perfectionism, though not quite as extreme. Ultimately, this tendency can cause “superstars” to make tradeoffs, preferring “safe” and “lucrative” jobs and titles over pursuing their true passions, resigning themselves to a life in “golden handcuffs” or a job that’s “good enough.” It also causes them to settle for mere connection over true bonding, real friendship and even true love (like marrying the “right” person on paper versus the person you actually love deeply). 

    Resolution can be found when an overachiever consciously fights back against the urge and instinct to beat themselves up for not being exactly “done” or for other self-assessed shortcomings, and replace those notions with ideas that promote high self-esteem. According to reports, this can include “being open to criticism, acknowledging mistakes and being comfortable with giving and receiving compliments,” while also knowing what your values are and living life accordingly. This may sound easy, but given that these insecurities have forged a well-honed path in an overachiever’s mind over time, it’ll take deliberate and sustained effort to course-correct. Truly happy superstars are steadfast with the practice of being kind to themselves; unequivocal in their belief that self-criticism is self-defeating.  
  • Pray for a sh*tstorm! If you didn’t buy all the above points and think (as many superstars do) “nah, I got this,” then brace yourself because a curve ball is bound to appear and throw you off your game. But, this unimagined disruption can be a GOOD thing! So many overachievers spend most of their lives working to avoid the pain of uncertainty or problems, assuring themselves with zealous over-confidence that “it’s all going to work out” based on the current approach or way of thinking — and ignoring that nagging dissatisfaction and angst. However, I’ve found that when superstars are at their most comfortable or when stress finally boils over, they not only find themselves immersed in a major “issue,” but often a major storm. When this happens, embrace it and open yourself to the series of new possibilities it presents. Yes, it will be uncomfortable and tremendously unsettling, but it can also present an exciting opportunity: the wake-up call to finally recognize where you are and what got you there, what weaknesses and threats have gotten the best of you. Work on thoughtfully-strategized resolutions that’ll make you emotionally stronger and your circumstances better than before.

“There’s been a common starting point with every single C-level superstar, multi-millionaire and general overachiever I’ve ever worked with,” Eldad notes. “They all think they know ‘what to do’ and ‘where they want to be’ in the world but get tripped up because these things aren’t necessarily what will bring them genuine fulfillment.” 

Statistics seem to confirm Eldad’s contention across the board, including mental health issues, divorce, suicide, anxiety, escalated workplace stress and dissatisfaction, anti-depressant use, narcissism and panic disorders… the list goes on.

“It’s time to stop living life for achievements, money, accolades and the validation of other people,” Eldad urges. “It’s my hope that those locked in patterns that cause anxiety and misery — and a life devoid of meaning, purpose, self-love and happy relationships — seek a way to question themselves and find out who they really are and what their authentic path is — leading to genuine answers and clarity. First, you must admit and even embrace the notion that ‘you don’t know what you don’t know,’ which is to say that you have a few things left to learn, and then actively aspire to attain that knowledge and wisdom. In doing so, you may find profound happiness — the truest measure of success.”