To be competent and effective in a global market that is increasingly bringing different people, cultures and values together, business leaders need to develop a world view that acknowledges this new reality.

There are 196 countries in the world, an estimated 6,500 languages and around 4,200 religions. How do you find common ground within so much diversity? Understanding different points of view, other than your own, can be an investment in your future. Ignorance of world affairs and how other people think can result in lost business opportunities. For a start, here are 16 questions you should ask yourself now, that will make you pause and consider more deeply how the world works.

The list is derived from the Global Educational Checklist, compiled by Dr. Fred Czarra almost 15 years ago, but is still relevant today. The questions were originally developed for students, but can apply to almost anyone. Some questions may seem obvious, but you may surprise yourself if you ponder the questions a while longer and apply them to the many dire situations we see in the world today. Share them with colleagues or question your kids. Who knows, you may even be inspired to solve a big problem.

Do it for the sake of a brighter future, your business, your employees, your supply chain, the future well-being of your kids. Tomorrows business deals may rely on how well you’ve prepared an answer to the questions below. Answering just one question, and researching it further, may give you insight at your next business meeting and result in something extraordinary. For young leaders especially, being able to answer these questions could mean the difference between having an edge on the competition, and thriving or failing in an increasingly diverse future.

1. Are you aware that global issues exist that affect your life?

2. Do you know how to study global issues? Do you have the skills needed to investigate and research a topic or issue, solve problems, analyze issues, interpret information, make a case for a point of view through reasoned persuasion?

3. Do you have the ability to suspend judgment when confronted with new information about an issue when that information is in conflict with your own understandings and values?

4. Can you develop some sense of efficacy and civic responsibility by identifying specific ways that you can make some contribution to the resolution of a global issue?

5. Do you have a general knowledge about the major geographical and cultural areas of the world and some of the issues and challenges that unite and divide them?

6. Do you know and understand that members of different cultures view the world in different ways?

7. Do you know and understand that humans may identify with more than one culture and thus have multiple loyalties?

8. Do you know and understand that cultures cross national boundaries?

9. Do you know and understand how cultures are affected by geography and history?

10. Do you know how to analyze and evaluate major events and trends in a culture?

11. Do you know how to compare and contrast diverse cultural points of view and try to understand them?

12. Can you tolerate cultural diversity?

13. Do you have an appreciation that all human cultures should experience universal rights?

14. Can you identify and describe how they are connected with the world historically, politically, economically, technologically, socially, linguistically and ecologically?

15. Can you recognize, analyze and evaluate the interconnections of local and regional issues with global challenges and issues?

16. Do you read newspapers, magazines and books, and listen to radio and television programs that relate to intercultural and international topics? Can you actively respond to this information from the media?

To see how some of these questions have been adopted by the United Nations and formulated into a call for action by business, view the 17 Sustainable Development Goals here. Each of these goals is a challenge to business to help solve the world’s most pressing problems. Contact Julie@old.real-leaders.com if you’d like us to guide you.

 

Do you consider yourself lucky? Did you know that some people are actually far luckier than others? Do you believe you could become luckier?

Researcher Richard Wiseman, The Luck Factor, used social experiments to identify why some people have consistently more positive opportunities than others. These are the people we consider lucky. Wiseman discovered that the old idea of carrying a rabbit’s foot in your pocket to improve your luck actually works… on one condition.

You have to believe the rabbit’s foot will make you lucky and that belief has to change your behavior. Of course, it’s not the rabbit’s foot but your inner optimism that creates good fortune.

There are four human behaviors that create luck and a stream of positive opportunities.

1. Constantly Scan for Opportunity Relevant to Your Values and Goals

You must be careful what you wish for. Your wishes create a mental filter that focuses your attention and actions that you believe will lead to wish fulfillment. You see, in our daily lives we are overwhelmed with stimulation. What we see, read, and the people we interact with create so much mental data that we are constantly sorting for threats and opportunities. Unlucky people are extremely threat sensitive, so much of their behavior is to avoid uncertain situations.

This is a problem because new opportunities typically arise dressed in a costume of uncertainty. Fortunate people tend to be smart risk takers. This simply means that when you were presented with the potential opportunity you figure out a “baby steps” strategy that enables you to keep moving toward the opportunity without taking big leaps of faith or reckless risks. So, we make our own luck first by filtering new information for personal opportunity.

2. Pursue Opportunities that Fulfill Your Values

Only pursue opportunities that are consistent with a vision of your future self that fulfills your values and ideals. Everyday people are offered jobs that they are capable of doing that will make them miserable. At the time you are offered such a job you might feel lucky but you’re not. If you are not clear on your ideal future you’re much more likely to be whipsawed by random chance that will ultimately leave you frustrated and exhausted. Your ideal future is fundamentally found at the intersection of your happiest life and most successful career. (And it’s important to recognize that many of us have careers that don’t pay money. Many women have a lifelong career of child raising, nurturing and community volunteerism that is both valuable and fulfilling. 

Unpaid work becomes a career when you dedicate yourself to become excellent at whatever you are investing your mental, emotional, and physical energy into.) Your values determine what’s most important to you. It is that foundation of how you define opportunity. Determining your own values requires self reflection and conversations with people whose only agenda it is to help you become clear on what your soul desires. 

Throughout our life we encounter many well intended “coaches” such as parents, teachers, and friends who are telling us how we should live and what we should do. But you are not here to live someone else’s life. It’s up to you to sort through all the advice you’ve been given and to examine your inner moral compass to get a vision of a life you won’t regret. The path to achieve the vision will be rocky, poorly marked, and you’ll hike up, and descend your life’s path, like following an overgrown mountain trail. Nevertheless progress can only be made through continued movement.

3.  Forward Movement and Creative Grit

What lucky people do is consistently and thoughtfully act on opportunities that are aligned with their future self vision. When they get off track or find themselves lost in a pool of frustration they consult their inner compass and keep moving.

Forward movement is essential because once you decide you are willing to take smart risks to achieve your ideal life the final ingredient to good luck becomes creative GRIT. Grit requires effort.

According to “end of life” research, virtually everyone who gets to their final chapter feeling deeply fulfilled has achieved fulfillment through grit.  If your dream is based on turning your values into a vision of your ideal future…  just don’t give up.

4. Tell People Your Dreams

Finally, continue to tell people your dreams. Wiseman found that the greatest opportunities people get is from strangers. Your circle of family and friends probably already know what you want or perhaps even have a different idea about what you should want. The people who can give you new opportunities are people who don’t know your deepest desires for your life and your work. These may be people you already know or people you need to meet. Either way they will only become aware of how they can link you to new opportunities and people who can help you when they understand your big desires.

The bottom line.

 Lucky people do indeed have more opportunities to find personal fulfillment.

1. They constantly scan for new opportunities.
2. They screen their opportunities through their the deeply held, self-selected personal values and vision.
3. They pursue their visions with Grit.
4. They tell everyone, at least one new person a day, what they desire for their life and their career to multiply their positive opportunities

So where are you right now? If you have a clear enough picture of your ideal future tell someone new what you’re trying to accomplish.  Don’t expect immediate miracles.  Challenge yourself to tell one new person a day for the next 100 days and see what happens.

Seriously, if you are clear enough on what you want, start talking to the wisest people you know. Talk to people who are living and working in a way that you want to live and work.  Talk to people who don’t have a specific agenda for you. The good news is that you don’t have to be crystal clear on your ideal future, just clear enough to start climbing your way up your trail of life.

Our future needs the life you most want to live. The greatest gift you can give is to pursue your best life.

 

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In Dan Pallotta’s controversial book “Uncharitable” he encourages us to rethink the non-profit model for philanthropy and posits that the traditional structure for charities limits the impact they can have.

Three pioneering impact investors got together recently to discuss how they are leveraging a 501c3 Donor-Advised Fund to make impact investments in for-profit/for-purpose businesses. These industry leaders are not trying to change the system as Pallotta suggests, but are rather combining the best of the business and non-profit worlds: Recycling philanthropic dollars for maximum and ongoing impact.

Mark Van Ness, the Founder of Real Leaders, sat down with two other leading social entrepreneurs and impact investors: Seth Goldman, co-Founder and teaEO Emeritus of Honest Tea, and Tim Freundlich, co-Founder and President of ImpactAssets to chat about how they got involved in the impact investing space and why they chose a donor advised fund to help change the world.

 

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Why are you and others investing through the Donor-Advised Fund rather than just investing out of your own portfolio?

Seth Goldman: I do make investments out of my own portfolio, but I will take more of a risk with the donor-advised fund, because whether it succeeds or not, I’m not getting any money back personally. I know that if it is successful, that money will keep being passed on to others doing the same thing. To be able to support an entrepreneur’s vision and help achieve their mission is really fulfilling. That was the goal of putting my money in a charity – to support entrepreneurs and their vision. And we certainly didn’t say we’re only going to be supporting nonprofit entrepreneurs.

Mark Van Ness: I also like getting a tax deduction when I make the investment, versus if I do it from my portfolio and get no deduction. And I also personally like the fact that we don’t have to deal with tracking down a bunch of K-1’s at tax time.

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_testimonial admin_label=”Testimonial” author=”Mark Van Ness” job_title=”Founder” company_name=”Real Leaders” url=”www.old.real-leaders.com” url_new_window=”off” portrait_url=”https://real-leaders.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2017/03/mark_van_ness2.jpg” quote_icon=”off” use_background_color=”on” background_color=”#f5f5f5″ background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”]

Mark Van Ness has been active in impact investing since the 90s and serves on the Impact Assets Board of Directors. He is founder of SVN, the only major commercial real estate services company in the world with a gender-balanced leadership team and board. In 2010 he founded Real Leaders to inspire better leaders for a better world, via media, events and impact investments, including SOCAP, Impact Hubs, and Beyond Meat.

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Tim Freundlich: Exactly. With folks who are active impact investors, K1’s are a big issue –something I began to realize a few years ago when I started getting more involved in direct investing myself and had to deal with the resulting K-1 issue. Some of the practicalities of a Donor-Advised Fund can make a big difference to an ImpactAssets client. It’s not just the fact that sharing a transaction across many shoulders can drive efficiencies, you also don’t have to sign all that paperwork. It’s really just an opportunity to insulate yourself from everything, from the K-1’s to subscription documents. It all gets centered in the Donor-Advised Fund at ImpactAssets. There are some practical reasons for doing it this way.

And then there’s the conceptual framing that Seth has just mentioned. As an investor, you will approach things a little differently – more creatively and aggressively – because you’re investing with your philanthropic dollars. You’ll think, “Wait a second. I’m trying to make the world better. I’m excited about these entrepreneurs. I’ve already got my tax break. Everything is aligned for me.” This doesn’t mean donors will check their brains at the door; they’re still assessing and making good investments. At Impact Assets, when we make options available to clients, we scrutinize them heavily around professional track records, managers and everything else that we can think of.

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_testimonial admin_label=”Testimonial” author=”Tim Frendlich” job_title=”President” company_name=”Impact Assets” url=”www.impactassets.org” url_new_window=”on” portrait_url=”https://real-leaders.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2025/11/RLIA_FeaturedImage_137_Genashtim.jpg” quote_icon=”off” use_background_color=”on” background_color=”#f5f5f5″ background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”]

Tim Freundlich spent his early career at Calvert Social Investment Foundation. As President of ImpactAssets he has grown the Giving Fund to 10 times its size – to a $300 million impact investment, donor-advised fund. He is also the co-founder and President of Good Capital, which manages the Social Enterprise Expansion Fund LP, that has two operating structures: The annual SOCAP Conferences that attract more than 2,000 attendees and coworking and events space, Impact Hub Bay Area, NYC and DC.

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Mark Van Ness: It’s helpful that I don’t feel the need to do due diligence to the same degree I would investing out of my own portfolio. With Beyond Meat, as an example, I knew that you had already vetted it and done the due diligence. Impact Assets has allowed me to do many deals that I would otherwise probably not do. For example, I’m now willing to do smaller deals because by investing through the DAF, I avoid the hassle of due diligence and chasing down all the K-1’s .

 Join us next week as we explore the reasons for choosing a Donor-Advised Fund over a private foundation.

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_testimonial admin_label=”Testimonial” author=”Seth Goldman” job_title=”Co-founder” company_name=”Honest Tea” url=”www.honesttea.com” url_new_window=”on” portrait_url=”https://real-leaders.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2017/03/seth.jpg” quote_icon=”off” use_background_color=”on” background_color=”#f5f5f5″ background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”]

Seth Goldman is best known as the co- founder of Honest Tea which he sold to Coca-Cola in 2011. Before he did, he put $1.5 million worth of company shares into a donor-advised fund at ImpactAssets. By donating stock before the sale, he claimed an immediate tax deduction for its full market value, avoided realizing a taxable gain, and left him with more capital for impact investing. Today he is Chairman of Beyond Meat.

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Working for a bad boss is a nightmare. It is so bad that 35% of women working in technology companies say they would pay to have their boss fired!

It’s true that about one-third of people in management positions are grossly incompetent at management and leadership. That’s according to worldwide research from Zenger-Folkman and Google.

Like most problems the indicators of it are the path to the solution. You know you have a bad boss when:

• Your daily priorities are constantly changing.
• You are swamped with fire drills and rework.
• You have a hard time connecting your work to your organization’s strategic goals.
• You get little, useful feedback.
• Your boss isn’t accessible and is usually overstressed.
• You are frequently overlooked for work you’re qualified to do.
• You’re assigned too much work with too few resources to be accomplished in too little time.
• Your boss has little interest in your growth and development.
• You are frequently held accountable but rarely empowered.

The three major underlying drivers of bad bosses are incompetence, stress and bias. These are also limitations of good bosses when they are not at their best. So if you want to do consistently satisfying work it’s essential that you take control of your work-life.

In my last blog I laid out personal behaviors that reduce gender bias. The principle behind reducing the effects of unconscious bias against you and dealing with an incompetent boss is the same. It’s simply to be proactive.  When you are proactive you assume control in an unfair or chaotic relationship. You literally become self empowered.

The tool is the SMART Power Self-Empowerment Checklist.

It works like this.

You take control by asking 7 questions. Management research conducted by Google informs us that there are seven critical questions you must know the answers to that enable you to do consistently good work.  Using these questions are your path to both success and satisfaction.  So when your boss gives you a task, here are the questions to ask. Don’t accept the task until they are answered. They are:

1. What’s the goal? What is the desired result? How will it be measured? How will you define success?
2. Why is it important now? How does it support the organization strategy?
3. Who is responsible for the overall success of the project your task may be supporting? Do they know they are responsible?
4. What is the deadline? Are there measurable milestones and regular progress reports?
5. What resources are needed? Are they available?
6. How will decisions being made? Who will make them?
7. What exactly is my role and my responsibility? Do others already know or will I have to tell them?

So, can you imagine having a management conversation with your boss using those questions?  It might be uncomfortable at first because in most organizations formal management was done away with in the 1990s. Organizational engineers thought it could be replaced with email. They were wrong. In most companies I consult with management is a lost art. Fire drills and chaos are the norm. Blame and excuse making swirl like constant tornadoes.

Too often I hear from senior leaders that what is lacking is accountability. But it is impossible to have accountability without empowerment. And you cannot be empowered without knowing the answers to those seven questions.

It is unlikely your manager will provide you those answers when you are assigned a task. So it’s up to you to ask for those answers.

Using the seven questions as a checklist will make your work life better. Bad bosses will quit overloading you with work because you will make it difficult for them to just toss tasks at you. When they try to, make sure to tell them that you need those questions answered in order to be successful and accountable. More importantly, good bosses we’ll see that you have leadership potential.  This will lead to more important and more satisfying work assignments.

If your a woman who wants to get ahead who has a boss who loves to shoot from the hip and get into action make sure you tell them that you only have seven questions. When you present a finite checklist to an alpha male they will usually turn completing the checklist into a goal. They want to know that your list is finite.  Thus answering the seventh question becomes the goalpost. (Gender research reveals that most men are frustrated by never-ending questions and requests from women.  However completing a checklist from either men or women energizes most men.)

The bottom line.

You are in charge of your work life.  Take control of it. If you are consistently overworked or find yourself doing work that doesn’t matter please experiment with the 7 question Self-Empowerment Checklist. It will give you more opportunities to do good work with good people.

 

“Let me tell you what I see is happening and why it isn’t working for me.” 

That’s it. That’s the phrase.  And this is why you need to use it… Most of us choose language that is either direct or indirect.

Direct Language

Brain research reveals that direct language often generates a defensive response in competitive personalities. There are a lot of people that just don’t want to be told what to do.  So, if they experience your language as an order for them to follow, it triggers the fight response in their amygdala brain center.  Telling people they must do this, or they have to do that, often generates resistance or fear based compliance. It’s simple. Insistence triggers resistance. 

Direct language can also trigger the flight response in people who perceive themselves as having low power. Low power people also don’t like being told what to do. The way most low-power people maintain a sense of inner security is to adopt a passive aggressive strategy with authoritarian personalities.

Indirect Language

Indirect or passive aggressive communication is loaded with blame, excuses, claims of unfairness and victimhood. The classic response is a young teenager ordered to comply with some restriction on their freedom, then blows up in screams of angry blame and withdraws to sulk. 

The “teenage response” is not limited to teenagers. In any asymmetrical relationship, where one person wields power with authoritarian insistence, the other person will find defensive ways to cope. This is true at home or at work.

Low power people, or people who are conflict-intolerant, tend to create conditions under which resentments flourish. At the extreme, these perpetual peacemakers will endure continuous psychological stress. Often their inner voice will become viciously self-critical. The terrible consequence of living or working in a condition of powerlessness is often clinical depression or self- comforting addictions ranging becoming a shopaholic, workaholic or alcoholic. In my experience, people who end up trapped in low power relationships at work or home are not intrinsically week willed.

Virtually everyone is conscious of their important values and have legitimate wants and needs.  It is normal to desire autonomy and respect. Unfortunately, research reveals that people who have strong desires for belonging and interpersonal harmony use words and body language that invite strong-willed people to discount the desires of people who have a higher value for human harmony.

Research points to the root difference between people who wish to dominate, and people who wish to harmonize, is that harmonizer’s have a more highly developed brain capacity for empathy. They have stronger and more complex neural networks to read people’s tonal emotions, facial expressions, and words that make them highly sensitive to disapproval or conflict.

High empathizers also tend to look for ways they can help others achieve their goals rather than focus on their own.  Often, they unrealistically hope for reciprocity without having to ask for it. High empathizers often create personal communication patterns that invite dominance and reduce their power. Here are some of the ways:

They’re not clear on their own desires or goals. They spend so much time trying to help other people achieve their goals they project themselves as being need-less and want-less.  This invites others to take advantage of them.
 
They over-use qualifying language. They say things like… “It seems to me that…”or…”would you consider…” or “ what would you think of…” Of course there is nothing inherently wrong with using indirect language that invites others to offer their opinions, or objects to your point of views when you’re dealing with lots of uncertainty.  However if indirect language becomes your predominant way of communicating your preferences, opinions and recommendations, you will find yourself feeling very weak.
 
They’re reluctant to give feedback. Ironically, high empathy people are often not very good developing others.  People need feedback to grow and improve. But the anxiety of giving people needed feedback most often leads to avoidance and ultimately weakens the relationship.
Aggressive communicators also have their share of problems. Frequently they become perceived as jerks that care only about themselves and their agenda. They develop enormous blind spots that often ultimately lead to social isolation, superficial relationships, loneliness and failure.

Cognitively Accurate Language

The answer is to learn how to communicate your TRUTH with RESPECT. 

Telling the truth means that you are to communicate your whole truth…even the parts of the situation that make you feel uncomfortable. No sugar coating. Telling your whole truth is the foundation of trust. All high functioning relationships are lubricated with the oil of trust.

Respect means that you stay calm and use cognitively accurate language to describe the situation, the behavior, and its consequences that you observe, rather than attacking the person’s character.  Respect means saying, “chronically being late to our meeting frustrates the team” rather than “you’re always late because you’re so disorganized and flaky.”

Cognitively accurate language describes your experience of another person’s behavior. That is why it is respectful. Language that labels the character of another person is volatile and creates instability.  

Using more cognitively accurate language is critical to finding the higher path between aggressive and indirect communication styles.  Cognitively accurate language enables you to say very difficult things without generating an explosive response from others. While nothing works one hundred percent of the time with one hundred percent of people, research is clear that peoples’ brains become extremely emotionally agitated when they feel attacked by unfair labels.  But cognitively accurate language that describes your experience of the situation is much more likely to generate a positive discussion because it doesn’t trigger emotional defenses. 

The Swiss Army knife of cognitively accurate language is the phrase I opened with. I invite you to try it today.  There is something going on right now in your life that involves another person’s behavior that is not producing the results you expected. Perhaps you’ve been avoiding that difficult conversation because you “just don’t want to get into it.”  But are you willing to live with the consequences if nothing changes?  If not, it’s time to try out the phrase… “ Let me tell you what I see is happening and why it’s not working for me”…. and then describe with cognitive accuracy what you are experiencing and the impact that it’s having on you. Don’t sugarcoat it and don’t dramatize it. Just describe it. 

I urge you to try this phrase out with someone you consider reasonable. Some of you might consider this approach a bit bold because you rarely ask for what you want. If you use this phrase with people where there is already a good level of trust, I think you’ll find it is very empowering.  As you get used to communicating your truth with respect, you can try it out with more difficult people. However, you will find some people who are incredibly aggressive and resistant to listening to your experience of their behavior.  For these people you will need to do a work-around. You’ll need to figure out how to minimize your dependence on their behavior and emotional engagement. 

The bottom line.

1. Try the simple power phrase… “Let me tell you what I see is happening and why it’s not working for me…” 
2. Use cognitively accurate language describing the behavior that isn’t working and its impact on you. 
3. Problem solve. 
4. Ask for what you want. Tell them that you would “prefer it if they would do…”
5. Invite them to offer suggestions about how to meet your needs. But don’t settle for an excuse or a delay. If that’s what is offered go back to the phrase. “Let me be clear, this isn’t working for me. We need to fix this now.”  You can be clear, calm and respectful.  You can also expect results. 

You have too much to offer to be marginalized by the bad habits of others. We all need you to make your difference. So don’t get bogged down by the bad habits of overly aggressive people. Emotional liberation is a powerful feeling. 

 

Years ago we talked a lot about being more touchy-feely in the workplace. Generation X inherited a work culture of distance, hierarchical authority and denial of any and all feelings. Business cases in MBA schools depicted classical grey, brainy and rather curt bosses as losers.

Real leaders, in contrast, were colorful, fashionable, sporty and creative, and very touchy-feely. It was like when color appeared in television for the first time! Wow!

As generation Y has now been replaced in our discussions by the newer and flashier millennials, touchy-feely leadership styles have gone all out. Our newest kids on the block get everything they want when they want it, otherwise they may change jobs before we have time to say goodbye. They wear what they want, they expect companies to motivate them at all times, they are seriously addicted to cell phones and they are the touchiest crowd you ever met. And that just shows you how very little they know or understand about leadership, let alone the essentials of real life social interaction.

I met two little girls with their nanny on the street yesterday. I was walking my dog Peca, which is Spanish for freckle. The two girls immediately looked at me with a question in their eyes: Could they pet my dog? I said “yes, but slowly. Always approach animals slowly.”

They probably approached Peca at the maximum slowness they were capable of. Maybe it was the first time anybody had asked them to slow down. Still, they were so fast that Peca retreated behind my legs. The little girls kept going. Peca retreated further, now circling around me as the little girls chased her with impatient enthusiasm to touch her. This is our new culture of touching. Today it seems that nothing happened if you didn’t get to touch it.  Taking a picture is another way to touch things. It’s like collecting experiences or grabbing parcels of life. Touch, touch, touch!

These little girls are no different from most adults today.We grab things. We touch stuff. We invade other people’s space.

We just ego our way into everything and everyone. We take all we want. We leave lots of trash behind. And never look back, busy as we are planning the next touchy-feely conquest on our list.Wildlife tourism is no longer about enjoying unexpected surprises in Nature. It’s about getting as close as possible to any animal we spot, taking a picture of it, and happily ignoring rules or even breaking the law in order to touch it.

Babies historically went through a touchy-feely phase during which they needed to touch and suck everything they found. Once they had licked and tasted the floor, all their toys, all their parents’ toys, and of course, all the dog’s toys too, they learned to make friends. They played with peers by hugging, grabbing, pinching, hitting and pushing each other every year after that. By the time they became teenagers, touching and being touched was an essential social skill to be applied with careful discernment. Today’s kids skip over a lot of childhood touching social games, having substituted them with video games and snapchats. Emerging young adults seem to be compulsive touchers of the world, while allergic to being touched. Whaaat?

Yes. Our new generations need to touch everything and everyone, but they are unable to respond naturally to being touched. It just feels weird, unplanned, invasive and way more intimate than the Gameboy machine ever was. Oh my! Are we in trouble!

So sex, of course, is a problem. It’s becoming a performance of pornography, carefully studied through a screen and insensitively applied to real persons with zero understanding of how it feels to them. No empathy and no ability whatsoever to read others’ signals of distress. Picture the little girls chasing my dog around my legs while the poor beast shivers, ducks its head and tries to scream “stop!” with only her doggy body language. Too many young kids are feeling as cornered, scared and helpless as my dog did that day.

But sex is the least of it. What can we expect from global generations of young adults with no inkling of basic animal territorial cues?

I explained to the two girls that if a dog retreats it means it is scared of you. If you advance anyway it may attack you out of fear. Invading another’s space is cheeky or tactless until it’s openly aggressive. Every animal on the planet knows and applies this basic rule of socialization. Except modern humans.

Wildlife worldwide is suffering this total lack of respect for others’ vital space. Whales are chased by motorized watercraft off the Canadian coast, and Migaloo, the famous albino humpback whale, had to be escorted by local coast guards this summer to fend off invasive tourists. Petting farms draw crowds of unsuspecting tourists to touch lion cubs whose later destinies are far from humane. As if there weren’t enough menaces on wild animals already, our touching obsession is becoming lethal to them as well. 

Real leaders touch many people’s lives every day. We impose our ideas and plans on others’ intentions, schedules and lives. We love change as long as it’s coming from us. But we need to understand how it feels to be touched physically in many different contexts in order to anticipate how our employees, clients, and other stakeholders are affected by our presence and push. We need to read other peoples’ reactions to know how fast we can go, how much strength we must apply, when we need to go soft.

Being touched is one of life’s most beautiful experiences when it is done with care, shared closeness and rigorous respect. It’s like being seen or being heard. It feels intimate, meaningful and loving. When it is done in a way that feels the effect it creates.

To touchy-feely leaders, it’s time you gave less and got a whole lot more touching. Animals and people everywhere will like you more. And Migaloo will be happy to swim in peace!

 

When the going gets tough, we’re told the tough get going – do more, do better, and tough it out. We believe that the more time, energy, and focus we put in, the more we’ll get out of it on the other side.

But as leaders like Ariana Huffington, CEO of Thrive Global, shares, this belief in performance at any cost simply isn’t worth it in the long run. The indicator that her life was out of control came in a collapse of exhaustion that brought her to the hospital with a broken cheekbone.

“We founded The Huffington Post in 2005, and two years in we were growing at an incredible pace. I was on the cover of magazines and had been chosen by Time as one of the world’s 100 Most Influential People. But after my fall, I had to ask myself, Was this what success looked like? Was this the life I wanted? I was working eighteen hours a day, seven days a week, trying to build a business, expand our coverage, and bring in investors. But my life, I realized, was out of control.”

If you’re trying to get ahead by working yourself into the ground, at some point, it’s going to be counter-productive. This performance-at-any-cost mentality actually decreases productivity – not unlike an athlete training all day without taking time to restore. We all want to come through in those moments that most impact our lives, the people we lead and the things we care about. While hard work plays a key role, focusing exclusively on effort to the exclusion of mental and emotional restoration isn’t serving leaders or organizations well.

Peter Cooper founded Cooper Investors, a $10 billion investment management firm in 2001. One of the firm’s core values is to be “In the Moment and Present,” and it’s an important tool in a business where there is a sense of urgency to react to endless distractions, predictions and perceived risks by the media, clients, brokers and the human desire to belong and be part of the pack.

For Cooper, techniques like meditation, yoga and restorative breathing have helped him navigate through the pressures of money management by lowering his stress and anxiety and increasing his ability to focus on what really matters – serving his clients. In challenging times, both clients and employees are looking to their leaders for signals on how to react. The more we’re able to regulate our emotions, stay calm and centered, the more we’ll elevate confidence in those around us, and the more clarity we’ll have to move forward.

When several key analysts left his firm in short succession last year due to a lack of culture alignment with the CI values, Cooper’s self-awareness techniques made a material difference. He was able to deal with this potentially destabilizing occurrence calmly, confidently, and with a clear intention to turn a potentially negative situation into a positive opportunity.

“Before my meditation practice,” Cooper said, “my internal experience would have been quite different. I would have responded with blame, anger, negativity, and would have been concerned about the client reaction. Instead, my state of mind turned to learning and growing from challenges with minimum stress, and we were able to attract very talented replacement analysts. We were also able to use this circumstance to cement the firm’s foundational values of humility and authenticity.”

Training for defining moments

How we deal with those make-or-break opportunities that require us to perform at our absolute peak often has a far-reaching impact.  Whether it’s delivering a major sales presentation, making an investment decision or coming up against an impossible coding deadline, our ability to “show up” at those critical moments can shape our business results, impact the effectiveness and health of our organizations and define our careers forever.

Successful leaders, like Cooper, know that it is essential to cultivate mindsets and cultures that can thrive in that space of opportunity, uncertainty, and unrelenting pressure. But getting to that kind of culture requires commitment, and just as important, an openness to trying new techniques that help build resiliency. We learn the technical skills of our professions, and we learn how to get ahead in life through trial and error. But to truly thrive in these moments requires a high level of self-mastery. This means building our physiologies and emotional agility so that we can respond – rather than react – when the stakes are highest.

Approaches individuals and organizations can turn to:

In the same way we cultivate our physical muscles, there are ways to stimulate greater mental hygiene and emotional regulation. A big part of that is proactively creating space for using restorative techniques before those high pressure moments happen. We’ve all experienced that tunnel vision that comes when we’re working nonstop and there’s still more demand than capacity. When the big pressure moment comes, can we respond well if we aren’t in good condition?

Here are just a few of the techniques that leaders and teams are using to mitigate burnout and performance in high pressure situations:  

Breathing. Different breaths have different effects (calming, stimulating, etc.), but in general, breathing is one of the simplest ways to reset. Breathing is the only part of our autonomic nervous system we can control, and breath is always grounded in the present moment. Not only do certain emotions have corresponding breath patterns, but different breaths can actually change your emotions.

Meditation. As counterintuitive as it might seem, allowing the mind to unfocus through meditation can help us focus when we need to. Research suggests that meditation improves creativity and cognitive functioning, emotional stability and regulation, and response to stress – with enduring effects on brain functioning. 

Awareness. To combat a negative stress response, we must learn to be aware of the cues. When the pressure moment comes, you may notice that you’re feeling an emotion, or your mind looks for the negative in the situation. The minute you notice, you have a choice and an ability to respond. Knowing your triggers in advance can help you see the cues coming. The goal is to build up your resilience so that you don’t get caught in a stress response with won’t serve you in the moment.
Showing for the things that matter most

The quality of our mind and emotions not only defines our ability to show up but also can determine the quality of our lives. In our increasingly complex business environment, a growing number of leaders are learning that pushing ever harder may be a necessity, but the more restored, resilient and healthy we are mentally, and emotionally, the more we can draw on that when our defining moment arrives. 

 

Living your best life most likely requires you doing something extraordinary. Few of us maximize what’s possible by just doing what we’re already doing. The big breakthroughs; the big improvements come from making big decisions.

What is the big decision your life has been asking you to make? The clue to answer this question is to inquire of your deepest self “What have I settled for?”  Put another way, the question I most often asked my clients is “If nothing changes, what will your life be like a year from now, or two years from now, or five years from now?  Is that okay?” If it is, nothing will change. If it isn’t okay then you’re in need of a big decision.

Big decisions are often risky. But safe decisions or no decisions at all will dull your mind and numb your heart. So how do you make big decisions without being reckless?

It’s simple. Every decision you make should be leading you toward the vision of the life you want to live. This isn’t as common as it sounds. Many times we make decisions to avoid stress. Being clear on what you don’t want is much easier than being clear on what you do want. But stress avoidance isn’t a vision. And your personal vision is absolutely essential to your ultimate fulfillment and deep life satisfaction.

So what big decision would lead you to greater happiness, health, love, work and joy?  Do that.

Don’t be impulsive. Don’t be selfish. Be both brave and wise. Plan carefully. Prepare yourself and others who might be affected by your big decision for the worst that can happen . . . then act. Learn what’s working and what’s not.  Be flexible, but have the grit to sustain your direction. Unless you’re planning to skydive without lessons you can survive any setback . . . and you will have setbacks. All big decisions unleash some surprising consequences but nothing you can’t handle if you’re committed to your vision.

The best advice I ever received is to just start living the way you want to live.

That’s it . . . just start.

That’s what I am doing.

 

Business culture starts at the top, and it has a profound effect on everything from employee engagement and customer satisfaction to long-term performance.

But according to a recent Gallup report on the State of the American Workplace, 70 percent of employees in the workforce are disengaged, and 87 percent feel emotionally disconnected from their workplaces.

Whether you’re leading a small team or running a global enterprise, you are setting the emotional tone for your organization. In fact, it’s one of the most important roles a leader plays.

So what would happen if you based your culture on love?

Love means belonging and psychological safety

Talking about love in the context of business may feel odd — even uncomfortable — but more and more leaders are making the connection between emotionally safe (i.e. loving) environments and measurable success.

Virgin Group Founder Richard Branson is one such leader, recently revealing in an interview that his employees — not his customers — are the company’s highest priority. Branson explains, “It should go without saying, if the person who works at your company is 100 percent proud of the brand and you give them the tools to do a good job and they are treated well, they’re going to be happy.”

That sense of happiness occurs in when employees feel safe — even loved. A recent Google study to identify how to create the “perfect team” found that the single most important dynamic in an effective team was psychological safety.

This doesn’t surprise me. When team members feel safe enough to admit mistakes, partner and take on new roles, they are far more likely to harness the power of diverse ideas from their teammates. Psychological safety on teams allows for growth mindsets that can play with ideas, collaborate and iterate off others, and lets the team either fail fast or evolve into something more powerful.

A tale of two cultures

According to Louis Gagnon, advisor to investment fund TPG and a former senior executive with Amazon, a famously intense workplace, cultures can be driven either by desperation or by aspiration. In Gagnon’s experience, a culture can either foster or hinder an organization. 

“As a leader, you need all of your team’s energy to be mobilized, right here and right now,” Gagnon says. “For that to happen, you need them to do more than just go through the motions, you need them to use all of their creativity and energy in the moment. That doesn’t come out of fear, that comes out of love. That comes out of ‘I want to give,’ not ‘I want to protect.’”

Underlying desperation-driven cultures is a fear of losing our job, promotion, bonus, status, or privileges. It’s that powerfully human terror of being judged inadequate or getting rejected. These cultures encourage insecurity, and as a result, team dynamics are closed, driven by (sometimes hidden) agendas and politics.

In these environments, employees are in survival mode rather than creating and moving toward the future, and projects need to be tightly managed with strict accountability. It’s easier for employees to just “chug along,” rather than sticking their necks out with a new idea.

Love wins

Aspirational, love-based cultures, on the other hand, are grounded in a desire to make great things, to feel one belongs, and to be part of something bigger than oneself. This type of culture drives authenticity and explicitly encourages the kind of risky behavior that leads to big break-throughs.

Gagnon often tells his team, “Don’t meet your goals all the time, because it means you’re not stretching. You own success. I own failure.” This type of psychological safety net can allow us to lean into the uncertainty necessary for the adaptation, innovation and risk.

Global humanitarian and spiritual leader Sri Sri Ravi Shankar has developed a network model rooted in an aspirational, love-based culture. Sri Sri has built one of the largest growing global networks of inspired volunteers, a pipeline of tens of thousands of fresh and dynamic leaders committed to social change. His model of engagement is less about the perfection of outcomes and more about growing his leaders’ capacities to think big about solving the challenges they face in their communities and their work. This culture creates a safe space to learn and respond to their mistakes, which encourages experimentation and innovation.

“Money is supposed to bring us comfort, but if it becomes the cause of insecurity, and you don’t even trust your close ones, then we’ve gone down the wrong track. Greed has no end. There is a joy in getting, but the joy in giving is a more mature joy.” In a story about Alexander the Great, Sri Sri shares “all that you do for gold will not satisfy your hunger. The hunger can only be satisfied through wisdom and love.”

Added benefits of a love-based culture

For any organization, culture is what attracts and keeps talent. A desperation-driven culture attracts second-rate talent because playing it safe is implicitly encouraged. And great people in those cultures typically don’t last because the growth opportunities they seek are elsewhere, that is, in the kind of love-driven culture that attracts and retains the best talent by promoting strong feelings of self and collective achievement.

But culture’s impact goes beyond talent. Culture can permeate management style, processes and vital interactions with customers and suppliers. Love-based cultures create people who are there to connect both with the team and with the organization’s mission — and that’s the kind of commitment that drives sustainable results.