Recognizing When Your Strengths Cast a Shadow and 8 Ways to Fix It

Posted on by Bill Treasurer

A lot has been written in recent years about “strength-based” development approaches. Research suggests that you’re better off building on your natural strengths and talents than trying to improve your weaknesses.

The usefulness of the strength-based approach explains its popularity. It makes good sense: put yourself in situations where your gifts and talents can be put to good use and you’ll increase the likelihood of being successful.  

Strengths are good things. But too much of a good thing is often a very bad thing. Past a certain point, our strengths start to cast a shadow. The leader who is comfortable speaking in public may turn into an attention hog always seeking the limelight. And the leader who is a gifted critical thinker may become overly critical of others. The leader who has great interpersonal skills may place too much emphasis on subjective criteria when making decisions. And while it is true that every leader should develop and nurture his or her unique gifts and talents, this isn’t where development should end. To be fully developed as a leader, you need to go further. 

Every leader needs to be keenly aware that strengths can become overly potent — sometimes toxically so. The strength of drive can give way to dominance, which can become the weakness of intimidation. Likewise, the strength of confidence can slip over into the weakness of arrogance. Every leader is made up of sunshine and shadows. Paying attention only to the shiny parts of your leadership causes your shadow to grow, practically ensuring that efforts will backfire. 

When that recoil comes, and it happens to all of us, how do you learn and grow from it? Because here is one fundamental truth about a reality check: if you refuse to learn the lessons it can provide, a harder and more painful confrontation is sure to follow. As the saying goes, “If you don’t learn the lesson, you have to repeat the class.” 

Here are some quick tips for ensuring that you’re ready to benefit from whatever reality check you may next endure: 

1. Focus on the long game. Casting a light on your shadow is just a momentary speed bump on your longer leadership career. The bruise to your ego will eventually yield worthwhile lessons and changes. Focus on where you ultimately want your career to end up, not the detour it may have taken. 

2. Learn from your feelings. Pay close attention to the feelings that come up for you after your revelation. Identify what you’re feeling, precisely. Do you feel embarrassed, fearful, resentful, or something else? Then ask yourself, “What information is this feeling trying to give me?” and “What is the lesson this feeling is trying to teach me?” 

3. Remember, discomfort = growth. Comfort may be comfortable, but it’s also stagnant. You don’t grow in a zone of comfort. You grow, progress, and evolve in a zone of discomfort. The more uncomfortable the realization feels the more growth can result. 

4. Broaden your view of courage. Being vulnerable, open, and receptive to change is a form of courage. Hard-charging types wrongly see courage as being fearless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Courage is fearful. The simplest definition of courage is “acting despite being afraid.” Courage requires fear. As long as you keep moving forward, it’s when there’s a knot in your stomach, a lump in your throat, and sweat on your palms that your courage is doing its job. 

5. Don’t be oblivious to yourself. How much might it be costing you to remain loyal to your ignorance? Self-exploration and discovery can be painful, but what’s more painful in the long run is being a stunted human being, incapable of acknowledging, assimilating, or shoring up your shortcomings. 

6. Be your own project. Lots of people lead projects better than they lead themselves. Think about what it takes to lead a great project. You start by identifying your desired outcomes, you put together a timeline and pinpoint critical milestones, you marshal the resources the project will need to be successful, and you identify metrics to track progress. Guess what? You can manage your rebound in the exact same way. 

7. Stay present. Rather than try to avoid all that surfaces for you during and immediately after the humiliating event, fully immerse yourself in the experience. What feelings come up for you? What fears are at work? How might your feelings and fears serve you once the entire experience plays out? What are you learning and how can you put those lessons to good use? 

As much as self-discovery can be painful, it’s also fantastically rewarding. The journey to the center of one’s self is the most important voyage you’ll ever take. It’s how you become a whole person, truly knowing the full dimensions of your talents, idiosyncrasies, and deepest desires. 

Ultimately, if you let it, a humiliating incident can be the entry point for a richer, fuller, and more complete understanding of yourself as a leader and as a human being. Armed with that knowledge, you’ll be better able to use your strengths — and actively mitigate the shadows your strengths sometimes cause — so they better serve you and others.  

The Dark Side of Leadership

Posted on by Bill Treasurer

When you hear the word leadership, what comes to mind? Most people associate leadership with being the best of the best, demonstrating high ideals, and living and acting with integrity. But as long as there have been leaders in the world, there have been leaders who have blatantly compromised their principles.

In fact, one of the earliest known literary writings, The Epic of Gilgamesh, centers on immoral leadership. In it, Gilgamesh, the king of Uruk, introduces the idea of the “lord’s right,” in which leaders get to exercise jus primae noctis, the right of a lord to deflower local virgins on their wedding nights. Why? Because they can, that’s why.

It’s this because-I-can attitude, this type of behavioral latitude, that warrants joining morality to leadership. Just because you can do things non-leaders can’t doesn’t mean you should. But a leader’s freedom to “call the shots” is the very thing that causes some to lead in compromised and self-serving ways.

The Leader-Follower Dynamic That Spells Trouble

Leaders and followers share an unwritten understanding: when you’re the one who sets the rules, grades performance, signs paychecks and doles out rewards, you have more power and freedom than those who don’t get to do these things. Others serve at your pleasure and are accountable to you, not the other way around. In time, this can be massively seductive.

Leaders are always being told how special they are. Think, for example, of the numerous privileges leaders are afforded: they get fatter salaries, larger offices, more agenda airtime, better perks, and more deference.

They also get less flak when they interrupt people, show up late for meetings, or skirt around the processes and policies everyone else has to follow. Even the simple fact that there are far fewer leaders in the world than followers exemplifies a leader’s specialness. The fact that not everyone gets to be a leader suggests that they are a cut above the rest of us mere mortals.

Followers, too, often enable, contribute to, and embellish the specialness of leadership. Followers build the lofty pedestals their leaders adorn. Every time followers say “yes” when thinking “no,” bite their tongues, mimic a leader’s style, or capitulate to unethical directives, the specialness of leadership is reinforced.

A Leader’s Ego Keeps It Going

The more praise and deference followers bestow upon a leader, the more the leader believes in his or her own specialness. It feels good to have your ego stroked by eager-to-please followers, and, before long, some leaders will start to surround themselves with sycophants and suck-ups — just to keep the pampering going.

Given this, is it really surprising that some would be seduced into thinking they are “better” than everyone else, that they deserve more of the spoils, or that they should be free to act with impunity?

Should it really catch our attention that some leaders are more concerned with the privileges attached to their position, instead of being grateful for the privilege of making a positive and lasting impact on people’s lives?

Is it at all shocking that some leaders would succumb to thinking that they’re the focal point, instead of the people they’re charged with leading? There really isn’t anything surprising or shocking about it. Hubris is what you get when a leader becomes spoiled.

The Costs of Hubris

While all the real-world costs of hubris are high, perhaps none is as costly as the sheer loss of potential for the good a leader could have accomplished — and all the lives the leader could have positively impacted — had he or she not become so enamored with power.

Hubris, as a “leadership killer,” also damages a leader’s potential legacy.

Above all, leadership is a tradition that’s carried out and passed on from generation to generation. A leader’s legacy is built by developing and nurturing the skills and talents of the people who are doing work on a leader’s behalf.

A leader’s most important job isn’t to acquire more power; it’s to empower others so that they, too, become future leaders. But these new leaders will never get there—or be inspired to try—because hubris snuffs them out.

Now ask yourself: Does any of this strike a chord? Do you find yourself drawn to leadership’s dark side? How will your actions today define your legacy tomorrow? What will the people you’ve led in the past say about you long after you are gone?

By Bill Treasurer and Captain John “Coach” Havlik.

Havlik is a U.S. Navy SEAL (Retired), who led special operations teams around the world during his 31-year naval career, including the Naval Special Warfare Development Group, the SEAL’s most elite operational unit. Captain Havlik was a nationally ranked swimmer and is a member of the West Virginia University Sports Hall of Fame and Mountaineer Legends Society.

Fear-Based Leadership Is Bad Business. Try These 4 Steps Instead

Posted on by Bill Treasurer

As a leader, you may be tempted to stoke people’s fear when they aren’t getting things done. Maybe this was the approach your bosses used on you. But if you aim to build people’s courage—to rise to the occasion, conquer new tasks, and embrace challenges—you won’t get there by putting fear inside them.

You’ll get there by filling workers with enough courage to dominate their fears. And the rewards are worth it. Workers who are courage-led are more engaged, committed, optimistic, loyal, and change-embracing.

Why wouldn’t they be?

Imagine working for a boss whose vision was so bold that it actually excited you. Imagine working for a manager who valued mistake-making as a natural and necessary part of your professional development. Imagine working for a manager who saw ass-kissing as a repulsive, manipulative, and dishonest thing.

Then go a step further and imagine what the whole company might look like if all the managers led by putting courage into their workers. It would be a workplace where you could implicitly trust the motives and intentions of everyone around you, where you could speak the unvarnished truth without fear, and where you would make more forward-falling mistakes in order to better serve the company (and clients).

It’s easier to do courageous things when you know that other people are doing them, too. When I was a high diver, for example, there was a strong feeling that we were all in it together. These days, I get the same sense of communal support with my whitewater kayaking buddies here in Asheville.

When paddling through treacherous whitewater, having the encouragement of your fellow river rats is more important than having a good boat. It makes it much easier to face an intimidating rapid when you know your buddies are there to save you if you get into a hairy situation. Similarly, when courage goes to work with each and every worker, the capacity of the entire organization to take on greater challenges is enlarged. Like ever-expanding concentric circles, every single act of courage at work has the potential to transform the business in unexpected ways. All it takes is someone to start the first ripple.

 

Courage-Building in Four Steps

People won’t start being courageous just because you tell them to. You’ve got to create an environment that encourages people to extend themselves and take chances. There are four core actions you need to take before expecting people to be more courageous. They constitute the Courage Foundation Model, and they follow a specific order:

 

  1. Jump First. Why on earth would you expect people to be courageous if you yourself are wimpy? Before nudging workers to be more courageous, you need to be the role model. Jumping in first allows you to gain firsthand experience with the challenges you’re asking workers to face, and it’s the best way to build credibility with your direct reports. By understanding the risks you’re asking people to take, you’ll be able to anticipate how much courage they’ll need to muster and which aspects of the challenge they’ll be more likely to balk at.
  2. Create Safety. Workers play it safe when it isn’t safe to not play it safe. Therefore, to get them to do more courageous things, you’ll need to weave safety nets that give them a sense of security as they work. Give people permission to be courageous by providing a safe space to express fears without embarrassment. Point out how they’re already doing that very thing they’re afraid of. Put stock in forward-falling mistakes—the “good” mistakes that key your team into something previously unknown—particularly if the lessons gleaned from those mistakes advance the team’s goals. And show people you have their backs by going to bat for them, consistently and courageously, with higher-ups.
  3. Harness Fear. Fear in the workplace is inevitable. Your job is to make fear useful by putting it to work for you, not by threatening workers, but by building up their capacity to be courageous. Sweaty-palms moments are a normal part of the work experience. By helping workers see their doubts and fears as natural occurrences, they can refocus their energy on the job at hand. They can use fear as fuel to do challenging and courageous things.
  4. Modulate Comfort. When it comes to career development, too much comfort can be a dangerous thing. As a manager, you’ll need to provide comfortable workers with work challenges that make them uncomfortable and keep them motivated. At the same time, if they become too uncomfortable, you’ll need to let them settle in long enough to gain confidence with their newfound skills.

 

When your behaviors are directed by courageous impulses, you are operating out of your best and braver self. When other people witness your newfound behaviors and the positive results the behaviors cause, they gradually step into their own courage, too. As they do, the energy level of your team lifts—and a can-do spirit takes hold.

 

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