John O'Leary  0:00  
I tell my dad again and again the question why Dad? Why me? Why did it happen to me? This is so unfair. And finally my wonderful, humble, beautiful Dad stands, he walks to the end of my bedroom, he shuts the bedroom door. So now I know I'm busted, walks back over to me, puts his hands on my legs. It looks me square in the eyes and says john, dammit, why not you? Why not you? You can stay a victim to your circumstances for the rest of your life. And nobody will ever blame you because you have been through the worst. No one will blame you for being a victim to it. Or john, you can choose to be a victor you can choose to rise up and every time someone sees you, they will see what remains possible for them and their life.

kevin edwards  0:44  
You are listening to their religious podcast where leaders keep it real. I'm your host, Kevin Edwards. And that story comes from the inspiring John O'Leary, who after being carried away from flames is now a light for others. And on Today's episode john shares the difference between success and significance, how to practice being in the moment and to ask yourself, why not you? So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for the real john O'Leary. Enjoy crowdcast in five for going live. welcome everyone to this episode of the realtors podcast. I'm your host, Kevin Edwards here today to inspire us all is the real leaders top 50 keynote speaker, Mr. JOHN O'Leary. JOHN, thanks for being with us today.

John O'Leary  1:45  
Hey, Kevin, great to be part of that group and grateful to be on your show.

kevin edwards  1:49  
So john, when when you hear lists like that, do you really take it seriously? Is it just one of those things like oh, I'm on another list. I what do you what do you how do you react to something like that?

John O'Leary  2:00  
You know, anytime you're handed a trophy for anything that you do, whether that's parenting, gardening painting, or in this case speaking in writing, it means a lot. And when you look around the list see a guy Some of us have heard of named sir Branson or lady Some of us have heard of named Oprah and your summer sandwiched between names like that it's deep, meaningful, not only for me, but for our followers for brand. So it's humbling.

kevin edwards  2:27  
Well, john, I think you got an incredible story. I'm glad you're on the list. It now it's a very complex story. I mean, there are so many intricacies that I've been able to learn about through your amazing podcast By the way, you're a great interviewer.

John O'Leary  2:42  
Thank You. what you know to be true about interviewing is the more you can ask questions and then get out of the way the better you are. Don't prove your ignorance. stay quiet. Let someone else prove there's and I bring on people like you who have remarkable stories, remarkable message remarkable lives and then get out of their way and So that that's a secret to our success at Live Inspired. 

kevin edwards  3:04  
I think you do too. That's one thing I noticed. You know, a lot of interviewers, I listen when I started out was like to talk about themselves just like I just did not write. So inexperience is one of those things which you don't have, you definitely have plenty experience. But back to the question, john, you've got a crazy story. Would you mind unpacking to our audience kind of how it goes, and you know, from age eight, to where you are now?

John O'Leary  3:27  
Yeah, one of the most wild things I think about my stories I did not know I had one until 27. And so you brought up this idea of eight, john, tell us that story. And I'll get back to that in a moment. But for the majority of my life, my goal is to be ordinary, not to be part of real leaders not to be between sir Branson and Oprah not to be a speaker or an author or a business owner, or known in any way whatsoever, but he said to be grant just to fit in and so the question many people, wondering is why why is that and for me, at age 9, I was burned in the house for 100% of my body and expected to die. That's been five months on hospital, fingers to the amputation. I have scars from my neck to my nose, I spent more than a year in a wheelchair. I spent the majority of my life stared at when I walk or into a room. And so as I scored physically, the goal was not to set itself apart to shine brighter, it was actually just to be totally normal. That was the big goal, just to be an ordinary guy not to make a top 50 list, but to not make any list just to kind of get through it. And that's indeed the majority of my life. And then at age 27, my mom and dad wrote a book about their experience having their son john burned. And in reading that little book, it radically changed the way I viewed my story from being one that I had always been a victim to, to seeing it now as beautiful and redemptive and active and filled with faith and opportunity. So it changed my life and read your book. I've had the opportunity over the last six years to share it at a higher level, travel the world as a keynote speaker and become an author myself.

kevin edwards  5:11  
So it's a later in your in your life then. So let's just go back to the actual burn. How did it start? I never got to that answer. I was trying to find that out. Like how did that fire start? Well, yeah, well, how'd you get stuck? Like what? What happened?

John O'Leary  5:28  
What happened is boyhood curiosity. And for the males in the room, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Ladies, hold your boys even because they're up to trouble right now, at any age, don't grow out of that one. So I'm a nine year old little boy. I had seen older kids in my neighborhood like 11 year olds playing with fire and gasoline the week before, and I assumed if they can do it, so can I let's go. So my dad was at work on a Saturday, small. He's a small business owner. My mother was out with two my sister's. house was mine. walked into the garage bent over a can of gasoline. The plan Kevin was to pour a little bit of gas on top of a piece of paper that was a flame. And before the liquid even came out the fumes, we could play on this one for a long time leaders. But it's not the liquid that burns in life. It's almost never what everybody else is talking about or writing about that's gonna burn you and blow you back. It's what no one has the courage to pull out or the wisdom to identify. And that day what got me where the fumes they split can in two. And they launched a nine year old boy 20 feet back against the far side of the garage, trapping me on fire, covering me and gasoline and igniting my body. So that that is the inflection point in my life, this burning experience that changed my life and caused me to be trapped on the far side of a garage.

kevin edwards  6:47  
John, that sounds like a horror story for any parent out there listening to this one I know my father's tuning in right now. I'm sure he's thinking about that as well now. who's keeping you through this Are your parents pushing through this hospital visit. I mean, when when you're in there who's in your ear who's talking to you to keep you going?

John O'Leary  7:06  
Yeah. So you know i on your list of 50 leaders, many of them are self achievers. And they can climb to the top of the mountain. They can do it all by themselves. Today you have a guy on your show who can do very little by himself. That's true as a man, but it was also true as a kid. And so I had a brother named Jim, who is the one that went into the garage and saved my life. I had two sisters who went back into a burning house for water to throw it on my face. I had two paramedics who showed up. I had a fire department to put out the flames. We had incredible team at the hospital. But you mentioned my parents. My dad walked into that room The very first thing he said seeing as boy laying there in a hospital bed dying was john. I love you. So rather than meeting me with judgment or anger or concern, he met me with grace and love and it changed the journey forward. And then my mother walked into the room Kevin, and she takes my right and hers My hand is burned terribly and tragically. I'm going to lose my fingers shortly. But she's unafraid. And she pats back my bald head. It's all been burnt off. And she says, baby, I love you. And I looked up at her and I say, Mama knock it off with the love. Am I gonna die? Am I gonna die? And her response was, Do you want to? Because it's your choice, it's not mine. And I said, I don't want to die, and her response was Good. Then baby, you take the hand of God, you walk the journey with him, but you fight you own this, john, you fight like you have never fought before. Your father and I will be with you every step along the way. You have a team now around you that are going to guide you forward, but you must fight you must fight. And it was with encouragement like that and leadership like that and with love like a little boy with no earthly chance of surviving burns to 100% of his body, fought, on toward a vision far greater than the challenges of the day.

kevin edwards  8:54  
We had a another really 50 keynote speaker on john, just to go off that back. You know, he He said it's kind of ironic that he's his podcast is the burn. And he says the burn is kind of what shapes your purpose. Now, in this sense, you literally had a burn in this may have shaped your purpose. Did you see this as the life changing event? I know you said you didn't recognize it till you're 27? But do you see this being like the defining moment that really crafted and created your purpose?

John O'Leary  9:23  
So I think the burn you're referring to Ben Newman is a friend of mine. He lives in St. Louis, Missouri, too, and he's a buddy of mine. And regarding this this moment, it's one of innumerable moments I was listening on the drive into work today. This is person talking about the moment in society right now. This is the moment and I hear a person saying but I don't think it's accurate. I think tomorrow is the moment and then the following day is the moment it's everyday getting out of bed, making it the moment and so as profoundly transformative as the moment of being burned was was in his had my brother Jim, not gotten into the garage burns himself in the process, risked his life saved mine. It doesn't really matter does it? And have my sister's not gone into a burning house. And then my mom and dad not done what they've done. And one of the most powerful experiences my life thereafter was the day before I went back to school. So I've been out now for 14 months are still recovering. And I'm not wanting to go back to school. I know I don't fit in. I know I don't belong. And I know I've been victimized by what has happened to me. So you're talking about moments? Well, here comes another moment. I tell my dad again and again the question why Dad, why me? Why did it happen to this is so unfair. And finally my wonderful, humble, beautiful dad stands. He walks to the end of my bedroom, he shuts the bedroom door. So now I know I'm busted, walks back over to me, puts his hands on my legs, looks me square in the eyes and says john, dammit, why not you? Why not you? You can stay a victim to your circumstances for the rest of your life. And nobody will ever blame you because you have been through the Worst, no one will blame you for being a victim to it. Or john, you can choose to be a victim, you can choose to rise up and every time someone sees you, they will see what remains possible for them in their life. And then he stood Kevin, he looked me in the eyes again. And he said, john, it's your choice, your choice. And then he walked out. And that was a conversation I had 32 years ago, that remains burned into my mindset today, every single day of my life, I can choose to be a victim to the circumstances and nobody will blame me or you or any one of your listeners because candidly, today, it's popular. It is popular in the victim society to choose to remain beat down. Or, and here's the invitation for all of us. Leadership isn't a job title, or you can choose to rise up and every single time you walk into the room others may see what remains possible for them in their life. And ultimately, it's your choice. It's not The choice of your parents, the choice of your kids, your boss, the economy, the Coronavirus, social challenges all this stuff, man. It's your individual choice and how you want to represent yourself in your life going forward, what an important choice it is to make to choose to be a victor.

kevin edwards  12:16  
Interesting. So I'm assuming that that's the core message, then, you know, when you're speaking to somebody think that the things that they can grasp onto because everyone has dealt with a hardship in their life. Yours much more severe than mine. Definitely. But that's a core message that everyone can can, you know, instill into their lives? Now, the question is, is success something that is between the years or it's something that is, you know, through the eyes? is it external, or is it internal?

John O'Leary  12:43  
Yeah, so I always think the answer to most either/or questions is yes, and. So it's an internal and it's an external job. And you mentioned, john, I think the challenges you've had you have weathered are far more severe than the ones that I have weathered. I don't know if that's true. I don't compare my scars to anybody else's or my experience positively or negatively in anybody else's mind, it just forms me perfectly, and imperfectly into the guy that you see in front of you today. And I encourage others, that same truth is alive and well in their lives, the experiences of yesterday. Kinda like trees, when a tree falls and you're able to look at the rings, those who really understand trees can understand what happened during the course of the year. It was a drought, it was too wet. It was a year of great harvest all these things, you can identify them in the rings. Well, we have rings like that in our lives, too, that have led to where we are in our life perfectly. So you asked john as part of your message about choosing to be victim or a victor. Yeah, that's part of it. But it's also choosing to be grateful regardless of which side of the ledger we feel like we're seated on today. Part of it is about vision. Part of it is about having a purpose far greater than the adversity we face right now, a why, as Viktor Frankl refer to it as. John

kevin edwards  14:44  
John, why not you? Why not you? This self this self centeredness is something that causes a lot of people to think down their lives. I took your father to tell you why not you to change and flip that perspective. Why do you think it is that People get so hard on themselves. People feel like they're missing out on life. What do you think it is that people can't flip the switch? 

John O'Leary  15:09  
Right. So it's a it's a load? It's a beautiful question. It's also a complicated one to answer. In part, though, we today in 21st century, it's called comparative happiness. So I'm comparing my followers to yours. And then I compare mine to Oprah. And I lose, I compare my house to my neighbors, but then I look online at zoom, and I'm like, Oh, they have such bigger houses than mine. Then I compare my kids so my neighbors are doing okay. But then I compare it to things taking place around me and they're doing so much better than me. It's so so much of what we compare ourselves up against Is this the wrong measurements against stuff that is absolutely utterly impossible to compare ourselves up against. And so what I try to do as a leader leader, what I try to do as a man, what I try to do as a servant to my marriage, as a father is instead of comparing myself to others, I try to compare myself to who I was yesterday and who ultimately I can become tomorrow. And I tried to instill that same kind of growth mentality in my kids. Don't worry about everybody else. Don't worry. They're not on social media. Don't worry about social media. Don't worry about all this garbage you've seen on television and all this all the junk, you've seen headlines. It's important, we recognize that the majority of the stuff we see out there are lies in 2018, just a little context 2018 with the stock market at its historic high and unemployment at historic lows, 94 and a half percent of news stories were negative, according to Harvard Business Review. So during the course of incredible abundance, when we've never been doing better as a society seemingly 94 and a half percent of what we saw in the evening, the evening news was negative. Can you imagine what it will be in 2020 Coronavirus? Can you imagine what it will be with 25 million people between jobs can imagine what it's going to be like but the social unrest with the protesters that we're seeing right now. It's going to skyrocket and in 2018 54% of us felt isolated. In 2019 61% of us that's a nation in the United States felt isolated. Can you imagine what that's going to be like in 2020? When we actually are isolated, it has led to a decrease in our mental health. We don't feel as if we're healthy, and it's trending in the wrong direction. Last year, 1.5 million Americans attempted suicide. This is chronic level. So we've got to stop comparing ourselves to those around us and start comparing ourselves to who we are, who we once were, and ultimately the limitless possibility that even still even still, we can grow into.

kevin edwards  17:36  
That's a really good point. I like that part. Now that's negative news. Now I don't listen to this negative news, I listened to the john O'Leary Live Inspired podcast. That's where I get my news. 

John O'Leary  17:46  
That's smart, well done. 

kevin edwards  17:48  
Yeah. Now, john, I'm interested though, seems like a lot of people, especially around my generation are so caught up with comparing themselves due to social media. We're going through this social experiment right now where we have all created a user profile on a platform and connected with hundreds, if not thousands, if not millions of people. And then we look at others and our friends every single day and scroll through our feeds and see how they doing and like their posts and compare ourselves to them. Do you think that this social experiment is going to be a benefit to society, a negative aspect to society? How do you see social media's role in self identity?

John O'Leary  18:34  
Again, yeah, it's a beautiful question with a really complicated answer. It's a little bit like money. JOHN, do you think getting a lot of money is a good thing. And what I would say to that is actually money just makes you more of who you are. So if you win the lottery, and you are incredibly generous, guess what you become even more generous and you're giving if you are a selfish drug using person who spent the last dollar on a lottery ticket, guess what happens? About 18 months after you win millions, you're bankrupt and broke and addicted again. Same in some regards to social media. If you are grounded and you have values and you understand who you are not what someone else says you are, know who you are, you won't be misled by someone else's opinion of you. So it's going to make you more of who you are. I think social media has been one of the great gifts of our life of our generations, it has connected us, it has reminded us of what's taking place in the marketplace. It has allowed us to connect one to one with celebrities, and corporate leaders and people we would have never met otherwise, like what a blessing. What a blessing. When it becomes a curse, though, is when we begin to identify who we portray ourselves as being on social media, having everything perfectly figured out when we hide out in the basement and we negatively critique someone else. When we are free to cancel everybody else's who was whose opinions are different than our own. That's when it becomes a cancerous plight on our society. So you mentioned john my society, I'm imagining yourself have a bit of a younger generation than mine. What I might remind us is sigma did a national study on isolation on loneliness. And they found that the least lonely generation were those who identified between the ages of 70 and 85. So you would think that's probably the time in your life when you are most lonely. Your kids have left, your grandkids left, many of us are moving into retirement homes, you've lost your career, you're lonel, except that signum found that they're actually the least lonely generation. So then the question is, well, who's the most lonely generation? That's actually those between the ages of 18 and 28. They are in school. They're surrounded by friends. They're at the parties, man. They're in college, they're getting new jobs. They're going out to the bars, they're connected on social media. They're not lonely at all, until you ask them are you lonely? utterly, utterly. I have very few people that I can actually lean into and share my truth with. And so what we need it's not hundreds or thousands of friends who say how great john O'Leary's gray shirt is during this interview, that Fake man, that's not real. Those aren't real friends. What we need is a few dear friends that we can lean into and get through not only the difficult times, but move toward better days together.

kevin edwards  21:10  
Interesting response man, I don't have any friends. I really wouldn't know, john, but I'm trying to understand also is there's this generational gap and this generational divide keeps coming up not just in this podcast, but in many. I like to say that, you know, the great generation really went through some stuff. I mean, you said you don't like to compare your downfall to mine but I mean, the great generation went through some serious stuff. Now whether it's the Great Depression, whether it was a Vietnam World War Two, all these different things they went through and then gave so much back to the boomers other generation. Do you think people need struggle? Do you think people need something wrong to happen in their life?

John O'Leary  21:54  
So I don't believe we need struggle, but I think struggles help re-define us and so Either you can go through cancer, you can get burned and ops fire, you can lose your job and recognize what actually matters. And it may not have been thought of while you had your job. Frequently it's a it's a wake up call when you get diagnosed when the phone call rings, and they say, sir, and leader of cancer, it has a way of sharpening your focus on what actually matters. And so one way to waken up to that is to go through something traumatic. That's one way, what a blessing it can be if you choose to embrace it. Alternatively, this is the cool thing. Alternatively, you can experience it through someone else's lens. You can read a profound book I read recently, a book called Sir Ernest Shackleton's journey in endurance when he went to the South Pole and failed miserably and spent 497 days at sea in the Antarctic and an unbelievable journey of what it looks like to truly overcome it. Puts whatever challenges we face right now, as a society, in perfect context, like it ain't that bad right now. Like we got to make it better. Gosh, compared to those who've really been through storms, it's a blessing to learn from those history who have come before. So that's one way to grow, and to expand on who you are, who ultimately become going forward, and other ways to serve, serve. When our life is only about us, we miss the majority of what life is really all about. But when we're serving, when we're involved, when we're going on mission trips, when we're making our lives a living example to make a difference for someone else beyond ourselves. Beyond our top line revenue or bottom line profitability or how many friends we get on Facebook or LinkedIn or Instagram, we begin to recognize what ultimately does matter again, and it's usually not when we have a bad deal. It's usually not when they gave us the wrong plots a is usually not the things we raise a stink about today. And so you mentioned the greatest generation. I think what made them great was two things. Number one is they had zero entitlement. There was no entitlement whatsoever and the greatest generation they were born into Poverty. They weathered the Great Depression they got through that time together, the war rang out in Europe and Japan and around around the world. They signed up, they raised their hand they served, they lost brothers and sisters, they came home radically changed, but better because of it. And they never forgot the lessons they've learned along the way. So it's not enough not only to be not entitled, you also must learn the lessons that you want in the journey forward. And so COVID-19 is teaching us lessons if we choose to embrace them. The social unrest, the protests that are taking place nationally and internationally, are teaching us lessons if we choose to engage and learn the lessons within them. So my invitation for all leaders, and again, leadership is not a job title or how many followers you have how many books you've read or written. It's the ability that you have to become a better version of yourself and to lead others forward toward their possibility. learn the lesson, sir these days, watch how it can refine you. You don't have to get cancer you don't have to get burned. To learn a mighty lesson in life. You just gotta pay attention.

kevin edwards  25:02  
So john, what advice do you have then for people struggling with the new norm during this lockdown during this quarantine during this pandemic?

John O'Leary  25:11  
Yeah, so one is grace. I frequently think we try to redeem things rapidly, we try to figure out okay, so what does this mean? And how do I become better because of it. And during a pandemic, during a global recession, during unrest during challenges, and that's all the stuff on the macro side, then you're dealing with stuff individually, you're dealing with isolation, many of us dealing with financial hardship. Many of us deal with unemployment right now. You're dealing with stuff right on your wall. The very first step is a little bit of grace. It's okay to be angry. It's can be sad, it's okay to be bitter. It's okay to have a pity party. The deal of pity parties though you may not stay there, pity parties are always a table for one. It's always a table for one, and so you can step into it. But at the end of the day, you got to push the chair away. You got to leave the pity party, you got to re engage in solutions. Not enough just to talk about problems that's popular these days problems. What we need, though, are solutions to them solutions to the problems. So as you begin to roll yourself away from the pity party then begin to look at the problems as opportunities. One way you can do that is to make a list every morning. This is something I've been doing for a long time of what you're grateful for Kevin, every single day, I begin on my knees in gratitude of things that I'm grateful for, including the breath in my lungs, including where I've been born, including the family that that I was born into, including the gift of being married today, having this wonderful lady in my life and four Healthy Kids and the opportunity to serve and impact and inspire. I'm grateful for it all. I think the reason why I have more opportunities to do that is because I make a list every day of making sure I'm grateful for it. I don't view it as a burden, I view it as blessing. The second thing is have a vision tomorrow that is far greater than the challenges today. So what is your vision? And you can shut your eyes right now and imagine what it's going to look like in late summer 2021. What have you achieved What are you moving toward what remains possible? If you could shut your eyes and imagine what that may look like five years out, or 15 years out, have a longer term horizon and watch what you can do in your life. And watch how that allows you to move through the difficulties of the day. So that's the second piece. The third is this: purpose. The way I've discovered my purpose to ask the question, why I choose to thrive in the midst of a storm. And I would imagine some of your listeners are thinking, Man, this guy's got it easy. This guy was born into a good family. He's got no idea what the struggles I've dealt with are fair enough. But I've also dealt with some struggles. I'm missing fingers on both hands. I've got scars from my neck to my toes. I'm in physical pain every single day all day long. I've got some struggles too. So how do I get out of bed and fight forward? Every day? Ask the question, Who cares? Well, I do. And I choose to thrive day because And my answer Kevin is I choose to thrive because God demands it. My family deserves it and the world is dark for it. Let's roll. No more excuses. Choose to thrive because God demands my family deserves the world to start for it. Let's go, No more excuses. And that has served me well not only in building relationships and growing spiritually growing physically growing financially, but for many of your leaders growing professionally. And the final thing I would say is lean into a network. Don't try to do it by yourself. You can tune into your podcasts to Live Inspired podcast you can learn from people who have come before you like Sir Ernest Shackleton and others, but also lean into real human beings. Family members, guys, you can go to synagogue or church with guys you can work out with that you can do life with and I use when I use the word guys, it's a Midwest term for people. Just people, man. lean into people, people that you can serve and people who serve you. We can do very little when we do it by ourselves, but when we do it collectively, I believe we can't fail.

kevin edwards  28:51  
You want to go fast go alone. You want to go far go with the group. I really liked that and why not you? Why not. You know John, you also said 27 was the age you recognized? What happened to you in uranium? How special that was? What What is 27? Is this a spiritual forthcoming? Is this when you change careers is this when you read the book? What is 27?

John O'Leary  29:14  
So yes all those questions so 27 is when my dad after years of fighting against Parkinson's disease with was no longer able to fight, came home from work and wrote a little book 116 pages called "overwhelming odds", they printed 100 copies. It's an Unauthorized Biography of Donald Larry's life, my pictures on the front of it. It's written by the people who knew me best mom and dad. And it changed me in two manners. Number one is I realized what I've been through was not the tragedy I had always thought it was Yes, I got burned early. Yes, it was incredibly painful. Yes, it left its mark. It also led to I just never opened my eyes and cut away the cataracts to that truth. So that's one piece that allowed me to ramp it self. And the other thing that happened in reading that book, I'd always thought Kevin it happened to meet. This is very common, that victim language to think that it's all about me and what I had to weather and how unfortunate unfair it is for me, have you ever been in my shoes, it's all about me. And then I read their book and I realized what they I'd never once thought about my mother walking the halls at a hospital for five months, crying, weeping, wondering when she returned the following day with her boy there with her boy be there to greet her. I'd never once thought about what it was like for my father to essentially lose his job during that time, and essentially almost fall apart in the marriage during that time, and for my siblings to not only see their brother on fire, but to then miss out on their mom and dad raising them what it was like for them to be raised by strangers for five months. What's that pain like for everybody else, and then seeing life in a more holistic, more honest view that it wasn't about me it was about us. It allowed me to compassionately experience that story and then to sell that experience and live fully into that story not ultimately to sell books about my life, but to share messages about our life about how these things we whether together individually and collectively don't have to negatively negatively define us in fact they can redefine us they can make us far better versions of ourselves going forward if we embrace the lessons

kevin edwards  31:22  
now john Are you suggesting that we need to get over ourselves in order to understand who we are? Is that kind of what I'm picking up here like what is the ego's role in discovering your self identity?

John O'Leary  31:34  
The egos role is to pull us back it's to whisper lies to us all day long. It's to make me right now worried about whether my shirts buttons appropriately or my hairs cut just right or am I saying the right word, and all that stuff is garbage and it doesn't matter to you, to your listeners or to the trees blowing in the breeze outside this this hallway. And I also don't matter in the echoes of eternity to the egos for the most part, just a liar. It's keeping us from being come in who we all are called B. So we got to continually suffocate that voice and live passionately in the moment. And when you live there, you're not worried about the anxieties of what might happen next. Are they anxious that what happened yesterday, you can live more authentically more effectively in the grandeur in the mirror of this moment. And so our job as leaders to suffocate a lot of ego, because that tells us that it's about things that it's actually not about.

kevin edwards  32:25  
Now, being in the moment has been something that's been talked about whether it's in Christianity or in Buddhism, Hinduism, it's in it goes back to the the turn of time, how does one practice to be in the moment to live in the moment every single day?

John O'Leary  32:42  
You know, when something like that is a part of every single great religion and I'm a Christian. It's also part of every other single religion, for us to ignore that invitation to become more mindful to become more present, to just get on with their life to figure out a better way to multitask get more things done, achieve More climbed the ladder higher, I think we're missing out on a profound human truth. So since the dawn of civilization, we have wondered, why are we here? Why are we here. And also we've recognized when we are most present we also actually most joyful and most effective and what we are actually doing while we are here. So I would strongly encourage all of our listeners, including the guy sharing this advice, to seek out ways to become more mindful to seek other ways to become more present. I mentioned this in passing earlier and I will roar into it a little bit louder right now. I keep a gratitude journal. And that is one way every morning I can become incredibly intentional on where I am. When you're taking inventory, which grateful for you're not thinking about man. I hope today I can achieve. Or I wish yesterday I had done that had not said this. You're talking much more about. Ah, it's a beautiful summer day. I got four kids sleeping overhead. I've got a dog right To my right, that is wagging her tail. As I take notes right now, there's a gentle breeze coming up Southwest, there's this sun rising in the east, cutting through the darkness again, man, again, light returned to my eyes, were able to see it. And you're able when you take an inventory of what you're grateful for, to be present. Another thing that allows you to do that a little bit more effectively is to watch your breathing. I think we take it for granted. Have you ever thought about how unlikely it is for you to be alive? We did a little bit of research, I wrote a book called "In Awe" and I did some research on what is the likelihood of you being alive? Your mother and your father coming together? You said your dad's on the call right now. So he'll enjoy this story. Mom and Dad coming together just the right moment to bring heaven into the world. What's the chance of that? Think about it. What's the chance that the DNA has led perfectly to you? It's less than one in 400 trillion. So there's almost no biological mathematical chance that you are in the room Kevin, and yet here you are racing through your day. worrying about what might happen tomorrow or what happened yesterday. And when you recognize the miracle of life, and a breath, it forces you if you're paying attention if you have any wisdom whatsoever in your heart and your mind to slow down, and to say thank you want to say source creator, universe, Mom and Dad, in my view, God, thank you God for life, man for life. So that's another profound way to slow down is to not only create a gratitude list, I think that's popular these days, to recognize the miracle that it's your life. And to count your breaths, count your days, make sure that the way you're moving forward is in the direction not only of success, but of significance. 

kevin edwards  35:42  
I'm gonna take a deep breath really quick. Just calm down a little bit being the moment, I really like what you're saying breathing is something I've just been doing recently, john, it's actually been very helpful, especially before these interviews sometimes with you know, profile guests, you know, it's nice to Just calmed down a little bit. I think it's something that our audience can take away. Now, you throw out some staggering fact they just said how special it is to be alive. But you threw a staggering fact earlier in the show about how many people have committed suicide in 2019. I'm sure the numbers are way up in 2020. Why do you think that is? You've had so many guests on the show, I'm sure many of them had talked about how they got to a point in their careers. And they realized they made a lot of money and they just weren't, were happy. They were they had all this success, all this materials, and they just weren't happy. Why do you think that is? Why do you think so many people will not waste but spend so much of their lives chasing something or doing something that they don't like, that's not them? It's not who they are. Why do you think that is?

John O'Leary  36:47  
Well, it's again, another beautiful question with a long winded answer, and I won't bore your audience asleep right now. But mental health is, of course, a massive piece of all of this. And so for those of us who are clinically depressed, bipolar, dealing with any kind of challenges on that front. What I'm about to answer is not speaking directly to those individuals, because that's not a mindset. It's a clinical challenge that they face. And then professional help. They need guidance and coaching and love and, and a whole lot of other resources to lean into directors, they are not alone that life has meaning and that their best days are in front of them. So that that's for those folks on that side of the ledger. And unfortunately, that side of the ledger is broken these days. So I want to acknowledge like, that's a mental health crisis that we as a nation and as nations face, the other side of the ledger, those who have lost hope. When all media tells you that life is not good, and we'll tell you more about it tonight, it's when the majority of us are looking at social media seeing everyone else having a better life than us physically, sexually, financially in every other way that we think matters. And they have been so much better than they got more friends like I bought money, they Everything else that we wish we had, Oh, that's so discouraging when we lose a little bit of the fortitude to move through the adversity of the day, when we stop taking inventory of how blessed we are simply to be alive. When we stop looking at our life through the lens of eternity, like, gosh, if we can get through this day, and this isn't COVID-19 and God willing, there's going to be a go, there's going to be an inoculation coming in January, and we're going to get back to life, there's gonna be brighter days ahead. When we start losing sight of all of that. It's not surprising that we become a little bit despaired in life. And of course, that's natural. And so I encourage people you said, john, I don't watch the news. If you are discouraged every single day, when you turn off the news, or you read the headlines or you're on social media, then the solution to that is stop watching the news. Stop reading the headlines, stop tuning into social media because it is feeding you goods that are false. Their job if you're honest about it on either side of the aisle is to sell you Bill of scary goods strong enough and scary enough so that two and a half minutes after they play commercials, you're still there wondering what will they say next? What else is wrong next, they're waiting for the next storm to hit. And that is no way to live. So turn it off, engage in your actual life and watch what happens you will be far more healthy in doing so.

kevin edwards  36:47  
John, we could go on all day about how the media can control us and confine us to some beliefs and stirs crazy in different ways. But I want to talk about, just some tactical things for a little bit john about keynote speaking in general, I'd love to hear about kind of how you prepare for a keynote speech how you view keynote speaking What does it mean to you? Exactly?

John O'Leary  39:47  
Yeah, I think it's words can transform parables can utterly change an individual's life and organizations life in the worlds journey for like, words really do matter. I think truth matters and So for me, it's important that your audience recognize this in particular, for those who are considering one day becoming a speaker and making a list of Top 50 most influential leaders. Well, what you need to know about john Lear is I had zero confidence in myself at age 27. I'm a natural introvert. And in college, I had to take a class called public speaking 10 easiest class you take personally and I took a second semester senior year, because I was terrified of my shadow of the reflection in the mirror, and a being in front of an audience of peers. So that that's the Genesis story. Now today's speaks in front of millions of people at conferences, both virtually and live around the world. So how did you begin radical change? And one is to have something that has already been shared. You know, like having a message that you feel dearly enough, you are going to strive and work and endeavor to get better. I have written that my very first keynote was in front of three third grade Girl Scouts, and I was so scared that I got sick in the parking lot as I made my way in. I stood in front of these three little Monsters, I looked down at my notes for the 10 minute speech that I had in front of them. And then I left the room, they did not even pay me with a box of Samoas. But that's my first gig, man. That's my first gig. And you make those some what you did right what you did poorly. And when you get a second opportunity, you do better. And then when you get a third opportunity, you do better. So every single day, and not more than 2000 deep, every single time I try to get a little bit better craft, because I recognize in that room, whether it's one of those three girls scouts for today, it's in front of an audience of 50,000. There's someone in there that needs exactly what I'm speaking about. And I don't want to misspeak. I want them to hear very clearly the limitless possibility that is alive and well for them to grasp on to today. I see this as sacred mission work, I get paid for it. But I do mission work. I do mission work every day all day long. Whether I'm writing a blog, whether I'm writing a book, whether I'm doing a podcast, whether I'm on your show, or leaning my own or speaking to an audience, it's all mission work for me, it really does matter. So I take seriously I get better the question I asked every single night as a presenter, as a human being as a husband. So I believe in faith is what more can I do? What more can I do to make tomorrow better than today. And in honing your craft and choosing to get better, you will be shocked at how much better you can do when you just get about a percent better every single day. And so I've been getting just a little bit fractionally better every single day for the last 15 years. And I can't wait to see what I do for the next 15. It's not done a lot of arrogance. It's not done grab on to cash or followers. It's done to influence the world for good.

kevin edwards  42:39  
And I think that's something special a lot of people I you possess is just knowing that you're not going to be good when you start out and then continually getting better and always trying and striving to get better. Now, do you have any funny stories when you're starting now? I've got so many about these interviews. Do you have any funny stories about when you're speaking or maybe you choked a little bit. Maybe you're a little nervous. were some stories that stick out to you throughout your career.

John O'Leary  43:03  
I mean, gosh, the Girl Scouts that first one is, I think ridiculous. I'm working I had my own business I'm working construction I'm a general contractor and in corduroys and bullet like you know, I was a sloppy I'm a man's man back the good old days man able to work with anybody else. And then these girls call and say, Hey, Mr. O'Leary, would you speak to our troop? And I said, You know, I think my dad, let me give you his home number. And they said, No, Mr. O'Leary, we want you we want you and so I said, Yes, Kevin. Yes. Having never given a speech before. Yes. Have you never shared with anybody in the world before I was how I was burned? Yes. And I think you know, the universe, work, professional journey, leadership. The answer to the question in front of you is yes. Now go to work. Figure the thing out. The answer to the social unrest right now is yes. The answer to COVID-19 right now is yes, I believe right now. We are part of the greatest generation I think my grandfather for sure was, but I think we are being invited into becoming part of the next best, Greatest Generation. The answer to that is yes, yes. And so I said yes to them, like I mentioned, got sick in the parking lot. But like I also mentioned, went in and went to work, delivered, and then got better and better and better. So that I think is a remarkable origin story. For a guy who's partnered with Microsoft and Southwest Airlines and all the other big names and under the under the roof, man, we partnered with some wonderful organizations, but it started humbly, it started with a kid that lacks confidence, but had belief that the work we were about to do could impact other lives. And so that that's enough for all of us to I think stand up, show up and do something terrific, even if it's not true. The first time out. 

kevin edwards  44:45  
I love it. I love it. Great advice. Now, what do you like better now? You like podcasts or now do you like keynote speaking?

John O'Leary  44:51  
Man, there's something about being in front of an audience live. When I can see them. They can see me we can connect. afterwards. I can drop the mic walk to the back of the room, shake hands hug people hear their stories. I love live events, and I missed them badly. It's been four months, physically. But subsequently, I've had four months between maybe 60 to 100 live virtual events in front of sometimes 4000 people live other times 12 people live. And there's something two dimensionally when I'm on the screen, and they can see me one to one, and I can see them one to one of that page through these little images that are incredibly powerful. And now we don't do live book selling signings afterwards. Now we do live hangout afterwards, or even when the formality of it is all done, I've said the last word. I always hang out for about a half an hour afterwards. Many people go back to their days back to their work, but for the folks that want to stick around and ask questions, share their stories share their heart. I love connecting with people even still in that manner. And so I love my job as a keynote speaker, both physically and the good old day, and Albertson. In the current days, it's an awesome way to change lives. Now, Kevin, I have an opportunity. 147 consecutive days of waking up next to my wife. What a blessing 147 days making breakfast for my kids. And after our interview today, I'm gonna go home and make them lunch. I'm going to come back to work in the afternoon. Go home tonight and make them something on the grill. What a gift. And so rather than viewing the current struggles that we face as only struggles, I always encourage myself, my family, our organizational team, to Yeah, recognize the struggle but recognize it as an opportunity to do something better than we would have done otherwise. .

kevin edwards  46:37  
Powerful, powerful, john. Now, when you're given that speech, you like that connectivity. Now, given that speech, they're cheering they're crying. They're, they're excited to see you what what do you think that is? Why do you think they're cheering for you? What do you think they're reacting to?

John O'Leary  46:54  
You know, when we watch Rocky, and then we watch rocky two, and then at the end of the weekend on AMC, we watch Rocky 17 and we have you know, our eyes have fogged over butts not you got through all 17 Rockies. I don't think you're you're cheering really for Rocky anymore. And I don't think you're cheering for boxing. Many of us don't like boxing. I think what you cheering for is that great spirit you see and Sylvester Stallone that you know is deep and alive and well within you. That that Philadelphia streets beer and fighting back and punching meat and getting back into the ring even when you got knocked out, even when it seems like you don't have any chance at all. And then you're able to stand up with a belt around your waist say to Adrian, you know screaming for Adrian, your bride, your loved ones, your family, your version of success. When people are cheering for me when they're wiping their eyes. They're not doing it for the little boys in a hospital bed. They're not doing it for my parents to weather that storm. They're not doing it for the individual so he showed up for that moves them to tears, but ultimately what moves them to tears is I think it's number one the times in their life when someone else stepped into their life and was that person For them, a mother, a rabbi, a pastor, a nurse, teacher, coach, whoever it might have been that one person. And then secondly, that the opportunities that have still in their lives to become person for someone else, we see ourselves. We're the main person in our in our stories, not about at all. It's like every the universe kind of runs itself where runner stories were the epicenter. But when you hear a story like mine, or someone else's around the community, you recognize the opportunity you have in your story, to not only live a better story for yourself, which is cool, but to live a far better, those that you can impact through your story for others. J

kevin edwards  48:36  
John therehas been a consistent theme and consistent answer throughout this entire podcast. So let's bring this full circle now. talked a lot about overcoming something flipping the switch being in the moment, inspiring others to be a better version of themselves to you, john O'Leary, what is your definition of a real leader? 

John O'Leary  49:00  
So on our podcast, I interviewed a guy named Mike Matheny, who is one of the greatest catchers really around. He's also a terrific manager. And Tony LaRusso, who was a baseball manager went into the Hall of Fame managed for three plus decades, was asked one time, would he allow any of his players to marry his daughter? You know, you manage 1000s of guys out of all the thousands, would you allow any of them to marry your daughter, Tony, and he thought about it for a blink of an eye and he said, there's only one. There's only one guy out of everybody I've ever managed to marry my daughter. His name is Mike Matheny. This was years ago, Mike Matheny he is one of the highest character guys I've ever met. I've ever met. A great leader. And I asked him the same question you asked me. And his response was john leadership is caught, it's not taught. It's caught. Meaning we can't work so much to bring people forward to what we know to be true at what's possible in our lives. Instead, it's witness to the way we show up diligently day after day after day, not only getting after work To get into marriage, getting after faith getting after exercise in our own lives, but encouraging them to imagine how they can do that better more effectively in their lives. It's caught, it's not taught. So leadership ultimately is about inspiring people to become far better versions of themselves, the people that they were born to become.

kevin edwards  50:17  
John, well said, appreciate you coming on this episode of the real leaders podcast streaming on LinkedIn live today. Just one appreciate your time and I'm a big fan of your new podcast Now listen to a few episodes yesterday just could not get enough great episodes. If you're listening this. People go check it out. Really like the interview with Joe buck. That was incredible story. I didn't realize your relationship with jack. Yeah. And then the Cal Ripken interview just another another baseball guy on the show. So there's plenty out there you do a great job, john, more than happy to have you back on the show anytime because you belong now on the relayers Top 50 keynote speakers list for john O'Leary. I'm Kevin hours asking to go out there and inspire people to be a better version of themselves. Always folks, keep it real. Thanks, john. Thanks, Kevin. And thank you good people for hanging on to this episode of the realist podcast all 51 minutes and 10 seconds with john O'Leary. We hope you enjoyed it as much as we did in if you didn't know already, this episode was recorded on crowdcast. That's right, folks, you can join live ask these guests questions after the show and be a part of this live interview. All you had to do is follow one of our social media accounts at real leaders, or subscribe to the newsletter at real leaders. I'm just gonna put a link in the description that might just be a little bit easier. Second thing if you did enjoy this episode, if it helped you in any way, shape or form, please let us know by leaving a review rate and review the show on Apple podcasts so I can understand what you liked about the podcast. And when others visit the channel. They can see what it's all about. That's it for me for this episode of this podcast. I hope you enjoyed it and stay tuned for the next episode.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai