kevin edwards 0:00 Before we begin the show, folks, just want to give a quick shout out to our sponsors. Oh, that's right. We don't have any sponsors. And you knew that because all of these episodes are uninterrupted. And I'd like to keep it that way. Unless a company knows how to keep it real. So if you do know a company, or that's your organization, or if it's just you, let's talk. Info at real-leaders.com. Shoot us a message and let us know why you want to be a sponsor on this podcast. Alright, that's it. Let's jump into this episode with the real Ben Newman. Ben Newman 0:39 Just because I'm walking into a roomful of football players, and they're big, right, they're these strong guys. I let them know. I will cry when I watch Extreme Home Makeovers, I might cry in front of you. And I share my mother's story. I share intricacies of struggles that I had with my father. I share the pain of my life to let them know I'm a real guy. And you know what, you have a burn too, and there's a fire inside of you. And I'm not the only one who's been through challenge and adversity. You've been through challenge and adversity, you have a story, and we need to connect to that story that drives you. kevin edwards 1:11 You are listening to the Real Leaders Podcast, where leaders keep it real. I'm your host, Kevin Edwards. And that story comes from who else but Ben Newman, highly sought out performance coach who believes your burn is what connects you to your purpose. And on today's show, Ben shares the experiences that fuel his burn, how the key to changing your mind is through your heart, and that being real is what is missing in today's business environment. So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the real Ben Newman. Enjoy. And welcome everyone, to this episode of the Real Leaders Podcast. I'm your host, Kevin Edwards. Here today to talk about how to reframe your mindset, is performance coach, author, and the host of The Burn Podcast, Mr. Ben Newman. Ben, thanks for being with us today. Ben Newman 2:10 Kevin, thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to do this and you found a technically inept guy to do the first ever LinkedIn Live. So I appreciate it. We did it. We're here. We made it. kevin edwards 2:21 That's right. It's a historic day for the Real Leaders Podcast. First ever LinkedIn Live and we're happy to have Ben Newman on the show. So Ben, I'll start us off really quick. So I went to Catalina Island this weekend with a group of buddies. Been to Catalina Island before, Ben? Ben Newman 2:35 I've never been. kevin edwards 2:36 Alright, so it's about 29 miles off the coast of Southern California. And I'm gonna tell you one thing, Ben, there's not a whole lot going on in Catalina Island. Not a lot of production being a thing, but there's one thing I did take away, Ben, and that's sunscreen is not a myth. Ben, I got burned this weekend, brother. I came away and I said, but you know what? This might be a good thing because I'm coming and I'm interviewing the guy, the host of the burn podcast. So Ben, the first question isn't today about how I got burned, the first question of the day, Ben, is where does your burn come from? Who lit the first match? Ben Newman 3:14 Hey, first off brother you need to go and you need to get yourself some aloe. And that aloe will cool you down real nice and you'll be okay. And, no, I love it, absolutely love it, and if you ever take me to Catalina Island with you, I will make sure to bring you some sunscreen, so you'll be all good. kevin edwards 3:34 Every time I talk now I'm aching, I'm in pain, but you know it's--to be with the man on The Burn podcast, it only makes sense. Ben Newman 3:42 Well, I appreciate you asking the question, and similar to Burn episodes, you are going right for it quick. And you know for me, I'm a huge believer. You know, a lot of people say I'm a motivational speaker, inspirational speaker. I'm a coach. So even in an opportunity like this, I wanted to have some long term growth and sustainability together. And, you know, I've been able to find for me in my life, and for individuals that we've worked with, there's this burn that lies inside of all of us and a lot of guys that do what I do, they talk about the "why," they talk about purpose, which is so important. But I've always believed there's the burn that lies inside of us that keeps that why and purpose ignited every single day that then causes us to take the necessary action. And for me that burn was my mother. And my parents were divorced when I was six months old, never seen my parents together. Handful of years later, my mother was diagnosed with a rare muscle disease called amyloidosis. Each and every single one of us, we have amyloids in our muscles, have given access to them we pass away. And my mom was a fighter, greatest champion alive I've ever known, Kevin. I mean, she was just tough as it can be. And she kept a journal that was a testament to her positive mental attitude. As tough as this is to hear on our ears, she was dying before my eyes. And my mother's last year living, we had 24-hour nursing care in our home. But my mother taught me the very valuable lesson that purpose overtakes pain. And she believed that she was the leader ofmy brother and I and she'd come to the dining room table every single night with an IV stand, sometimes it took one nurse, sometimes two nurses, and she'd put one foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other, to sit at the head of the dining room table as the leader of our family. And when my mother passed on November 2nd, 1986, and I believe that she took the pen that she was writing with in that journal and passed it on to my brother and I to keep writing her story. And that pen in my hand, every single day is this fire and this burn that lies inside of me that I won't stop, I won't quit. I want to serve. I want to give everything that I have. One day at a time. And I think for all of us, we have that burn. And if you can get yourself to the point where your mind is controlled by your burn every single morning, not the fears, doubts and uncertainties, and you wake up, and you connect to that burn, it allows us to respond positively in a world right now that is very, very tough. kevin edwards 6:06 Now Ben that's inspiring. I appreciate you sharing that. And that's a really powerful thing. Now, you were eight, you said you're eight years old when they said happened? Ben Newman 6:15 Eleven days before my eigth birthday, yes Sir. kevin edwards 6:17 Eleven days before your eighth birthday. So, I guess the question is, it's very difficult for us to maintain that fire. Sometimes it goes out, sometimes your energy, your fuel, changes, the motivation changes. How are you able to sustain this fire and keep giving it oxygen? Ben Newman 6:35 Well, you know, for me, I'm going to answer for me personally and then I'll give you experience, because you're right, it does change. You know, for me, watching my mother battle this disease, having her journal, which has become a testament to her positive mental attitude, for me to reflect back on these things now, right? In her journal, she's dying and she wrote, "beat the statistics," "beat the odds," "live with a disease that is chronic and fatal," "believe in yourself," "combat anything," "purpose in life." For me, that will always be my burn. But for some individuals, you know, maybe it's a short-term burn. I would hope that what I saw with these two eyes before eight years old, that everybody listening that you have not experienced what I experienced. I wouldn't want anybody to experience it. So sometimes it's a short-term, it's a short-term goal, it's a certain motivation. And what I've always encouraged people to do is connect to that first, wherever you are right now, whatever's currently driving you, wake up, starting tomorrow, and connect to that first. Maybe it's to do something special for your child, maybe it's to do something special at work, maybe it's to push yourself to that next level physically, or emotionally, or to have some goal that motivates you. But connect to that burn first, because that burn will drive you. Otherwise, with everything that we're currently going through, it's easy for our feelings to dictate how we show up, because we connect to the bad stuff that happened yesterday, or the bad stuff we think tht's gonna happen tomorrow, because there's too much uncertainty right now. So I would just encourage everybody over the next 30 days, imagine what happens if you wake up and connect to your burn. And it doesn't have to be a catastrophic event like I went through, it could literally be just something that motivates you, fires you up, and something that you're excited about right now. kevin edwards 8:17 So when this started, eleven days before your eighth birthday, I mean, right then and there? Did you know, hey, I'm going to be a performance coach. I mean, how did you grow this thing? Exactly. Right. So like, explain to our audience, maybe unpack for audience, the journey to getting that first gig with, or maybe not first gig, but one of those gigs with the Alabama Crimson Tide and Nick Saban. How'd you get into the doors of his office? Ben Newman 8:44 Oh, I just called and I said, "Hey, Nick, I'd love to come talk to you guys." And the rest is history. You know, it was just really easy. So, you know, for me, it's been a long journey, but it's been a great ride. I certainly did not know this, you know, when my mother passed, that this is what I would do. But I was really blessed to have mentors and coaches in my life that picked me up off that part of life when I felt like I couldn't go any further. And so whether it was my two high school basketball coaches, which are now characters in books that I write, because they've meant so much to me in my life--you know, those individuals that helped me keep fightin--to a career where I really cut my teeth professionally. I was a paper broker, like Steve Carell out of The Office for three years. Then I went out as a financial advisor, not to impress anybody, but to impress upon the point. I had set some records for a Fortune 100 financial firm here in St. Louis for first year inside of this Financial Services Association, or company, so selling insurance selling investments, and I got invited to speak. And this boutique firm up in Chicago says we'll pay you 500 bucks--I was 26 at the time--pay you 500 bucks to come speak for an hour. And I'm like, this is a thing? Like you pay somebody to do this, you pay my expenses, the whole bit? And I went and I fell in love with people connecting to what drives them, getting to their next level. And so you start to do more, but you start to do more of it. And, you know, here we are 14 years later from that first talk, and I was blessed to get paid the first time because some of the talks after that it'd be a coffee cup, it'd be a picture book. And sometimes it was no fee, you're just doing it out of the passion, having no idea with this could grow to. And 14 years later, it's been a blessing for us to continue to grow with the Alabama football programs, the Microsofts of the world, and some of these incredible organizations that we partner with, where I'm still growing every single day. I still have two coaches. I'm on my 22nd book of the year, because I feel like we can never stop growing, we can never stop learning. kevin edwards 10:40 And I think that's a really interesting point you hit on, that continued growth. I like the continued fight, you know, and all of the headlines. Now, I think that's also something that doesn't get talked about enough, the struggles. We have entrepreneurs on all the time and they say, you know, you see me now but you didn't see me where we started. What it was your first experience like as a speaker? How did it go? And what was your mindset when you were trying to get better and better? Ben Newman 11:07 Well, you know, the first experience was kind of a rush, right? I mean, I'm 26 year old kid, can't fathom they've paid me to come and speak in fear of these ideas. But I learned really quickly, it wasn't sales language that I wanted to teach, it was literally them connecting. Like, I knew my mother's story drove me. I didn't articulate it as "the burn" then, but I was trying to encourage people to find what inspires you. Because when you're inspired, and then you create consistent action in your life, the consistent action is what causes you to go write one hell of a story. And so, you know, for all of us, that's what we're looking for. It's the consistent action, it's the answer. The magic answer is typically the work and the action connected to a big belief in yourself. So that's what I loved. So I did it once, and then I decided to do it again, and then I went and did it again. And I met great mentors, I mean one of my mentors is john Gordon, right? He was well-ahead of me on the list for real leaders, rightfully so. And I hope he always stays ahead of me, because even though I'm a positive guy, this isn't a negative statement, he's a mentor that I can't catch. He's like, 10 years ahead of me. So every time I learn something, I grow, you've got someone who's in front of me. So have a mentor. That's really hard for you to catch or that you never catch. And I remember when he and I shared the stage for the first time in 2009, big public event in St. Louis, 500 people, and I get done speaking, like you want your feedback from like your coach or mentor, right? And like, John, what did you think, man? What did you think? And he goes, "Ben, your message was great, really great. But are you aware that like, you can tell jokes, you can smile, you can have fun and you could actually be yourself." And it was just one of these smacks in the face, but I realized I had a mentor that was giving me the truth. And I think sometimes we live in this protected world, rather than surrounding ourselves by people who challenge us and really push us to be our best. kevin edwards 13:04 Now for you, Ben, what makes a good relationship? Ben Newman 13:10 What type of relationship? With my wife? kevin edwards 13:12 With John Gordon. With Nick Saban with the Alabama Crimson Tide organization with the Kansas State football team. What makes a good relationship where you're able to sit down level with somebody? I mean, obviously, it takes time, but what makes a good relationship for you? Ben Newman 13:31 Yeah, I'll share with all of you one of my favorite stories that happened my first visit to Alabama. And this is when I knew I was in the right place where we were going to be able to work together. I'm a very emotional guy. I cry when I watch Extreme Home Makeovers. Driven by losing my mom. And so I meet this coach, his name was Coach T.J. All right, give me permission to be a little long winded, if they weren't for this story, because Coach T.J. is amazing. And you meet Coach T.J. and you start asking him about himself and he played at Alabama for Bear Bryant. So he's the last guy in the building that played for the legendary Bear Bryant. He then goes on to play eight years in the NFL for the Green Bay Packers. He then comes back to Alabama and he's been a strength coach for over 30 years. So you're talking about a resume in the game of football, this man has seen it all. And I said to Coach T.J., I said, "What makes you great?" And he answered with how he coaches kids. He says, "For me, the kids give me my energy. And here's my belief in coaching." He says, "It all starts right here. It starts with the heart." And he goes, "I go after the heart first. After I get the heart, I go for this. I go for the head. How do they think? How do they show up? How do they respond?" He says, "If I get the heart, and I get the head, they're gonna give me the body." What was he saying? He was saying, hey, when you connect somebody's part to their passion, and you teach them to think bigger and believe in all the greatness that lies inside of them, they're going to work like they have never worked before. And once I heard that story, I was like, Man, I'm in the right place. And the relationships I've had in my life, whether I'm coaching an individual, coaching a company, working with a team, to me, that's what it's all about. It's about being able to connect with the heart, get them to think about what's possible, and then you go attack it one day at a time. kevin edwards 15:23 And for folks listening to this right now, I'd highly recommend you going on YouTube searching Ben Newman. It's The Burn channel. I mean, you have so many nice videos on there, nice interviews on there, and you can really get a sense for what he's talking about right now. Now, another thing that I've been thinking a lot about recently, Ben, is the difference like you said, between the heart and the head. Sometimes we go with decisions that our head wants to make versus our heart. How do you distinguish something like that, where you've got to set aside those emotions and follow what truly your gut or your heart is telling you to do? Ben Newman 15:59 Well you know, I think one of the most important things you have to do is not protect yourself. Right? Not protect yourself and go all in in anything that you do. I mean, we've all got one shot. And to me, if you haven't connected your heart first--you haven't identified, am I passionate? Is there a fire? Like, is this really gonna enable me to give my best that one day at a time?--I don't think you can actually take your thinking to the level where your thinking is capable of going. And so for me, that's what I tend to think about, right? If you start with the thinking, but it's not connected to your heart, you might not be thinking big enough. So I always, always encourage people like start with your heart, make sure that it's connected to your fire, because if you don't like that thing on fire, you may not even analyze it correctly. You might get to the work before you've ever connected your heart to it, and the work just isn't the same. kevin edwards 16:54 I think what makes a good leader, or a successful person, I think is humility sometimes. You know, when things don't go the way you want them to, you're able to understand that and pivot. Now COVID-19 comes in, the economy essentially shuts down, Ben, your main focus is events, or speaking. And you also--you're doing consulting, obviously--but you're also working in college sports. This might not be around this fall, Ben. So when something like that happens, what's your mindset? And how do you approach these next few months? Ben Newman 17:32 Yeah, you know, Kevin, it's unbelievable. The period of time that we're going in right now. And before I answer that question directly, let me just say for everybody, I would encourage everybody--and I've had to do this myself--you know, have a structured routine every single day. You know, if you're working from home and it's different, you know, if working out gets you energized and focused, make sure you get your workout in. If nutrition is important, you get your nutrition in. It's so easy for us to to lose our judgment in the decisions that we make when we're kind of in this environment that's uncertain and out of control. So the more control we can have in the environment, you're going to perform better, you're going to show up better. And whether you're working for yourself or you're working for an organization, it will be noticed. The people who choose to stay positive, they stay focused on their work, they thrive through the adversity, you will create opportunity for yourself. You may not see that right now. But that's the reality of the situation. So that's the coach in me, I had to start there. The second part I would share with you is that, you know, with the uncertainty and the fear, we have to speak to it. Well, what, am I going to call the Kansas State football program, and all the players, and get them on the phone, and say, guys, let's ride around on unicorns and rainbows and act like this isn't happening. And you know, we're going to strap up and you know, training camp is going to be exactly the same, and the first game is going to be filled with 60,000 people in the crowd is going to go crazy. The reality is that's not going to be the situation. And so we try to stay up to date with facts from each conference, we try to stay up to date with facts from the athletic department. And we try to stay relevant, and we take it one day at a time. And at Kansas State, we have a philosophy, we show up and we pound the stone together every single day. And so even though the details of our environment are different, we stay focused on what we can control today, and we're going to pound the stone. Because I can't control yesterday. I can't change it, it's gone. And I can't tell you what's gonna happen tomorrow. It's an ever-changing dynamic. I mean, here we were on Friday--I work with a couple NFL teams, mentor about 25 guys in the league--on Friday, we're like, hey, first teams, guys start to report today, which you know on Monday, next thing you know. I mean, yesterday Twitter's blowing up, you got JJ Watt, Drew Brees, Russell Wilson, Carson Wentz. People say whoa, whoa, whoa, stop the press NFL. You need to answer some questions. So it's this constant moving target. But does Carson Wentz not show up and put in his weight training? No, you prepare as if you're gonna play, and at some point you will play football again. So we have to stay focused on what we can control. We have to stay ready. But it's a constant moving target. We just don't know the answers right now. kevin edwards 20:10 Now, what are you hearing from the coaches? Have you been talking to any of them? What makes a good coach for you? And the reason I ask this, Ben, is because I worked in college sports. We had a coach, and that's why I get how difficult it is to work with these college kids, because our coach got fired, basically, because--well, I thought she was a great coach, I was the manager of the team. But she got let go because the kids, they just, at the time, didn't care. In my personal, humble opinion, I don't think they really cared. So putting her life and career in the hands of college kids was a high risk in my opinion. That's what I took away from that experience. But she wasn't able to connect with them. Now what to you, Ben, makes a good coach? Ben Newman 20:53 Well, here's what I'll share with you, whether it be Kansas State, Alabama--and my relationship with Kansas State started because of my relationship with Coach Klieman at North Dakota State. So I mentioned Carson Wentz earlier, my first year at North Dakota State with Carson Wentz his senior year. So I've been working with Carson since he was a senior in college. So whether it was that first talk with Carson and his teammate, or a Kansas State talk, or an Alabama talk, or another talk, they're going to hear my mother's story. Just because I'm walking into a room full of football players, and they're big, right? And they're the strong guys. I let them know, I will cry when I watch Extreme Home Makeovers, I might cry in front of you. And I share my mother's story. I share intricacies of struggles that I had with my father. I share the pain of my life to let them know I'm a real guy. And you know what? You have a burn too, and there's a fire inside of you. And I'm not the only one who's been through challenge and adversity. You've been through challenging adversity, you have a story, and we need to connect to that story that drives you. And similar to what Coach T.J. shared with me, that's why the connection was so tight in Alabama. We start with the heart and so for me, you know, I think it's been the blessing that I had to go through some pain to find my strength in my life. And I think that's what players realize is, man, he's going to the pain to let us know that he's been through it, I've been through it, and man, we want to go to war together. And that for me with teams, that's the way that it's always been. We start right here, because if I don't start here, how are we building a relationship? Based on what? kevin edwards 22:24 Exactly. And now, do you think that's something that's missing in today's business setting? Today's business corporate setting? Where we're all kind of going into a cubicle nine to five, working like robots and leaving and expecting to find that connection outside our workplace? Ben Newman 22:40 It's missing at the highest possible level. I'll give you a great example, one of the things that I share when I work with executive teams. Okay, so outside of sports, I do so much work in the business world as well. And I don't even want to name the organization right now. It's one of the wealthiest organizations in the entire world. And there was a few years of me working with their executive team, part of a $7 billion team for them. 12 leaders in North America that represented the $7 billion team. And I taught them one of the most simple concepts in the world: unexpected, intentional touches. And they were like, What's an unexpected intentional touch? And I said, well, like, when do you tell Kevin that he did a great job? You wait until his quarterly review? You wait until his annual review? You say, "Hey, Kevin, I think you're great." Right? No! Like, what happens when you walk down the hallway, and you hear Kevin's energy, his passion, or his preparation? I've heard other interviews of yours. You've done this over 500 times. Your level of preparation is incredible. So right? I might send you a text message and say, "Kevin, man, I heard your interview with Drew Hanlen. Man, you are dialed in, you prepare so incredibly well. I love having you on our team." Is that something that Kevin would love to hear? Like right now, when it's unexpected? Or do I put that in my little file and say, Hey, in December, I'll tell Kevin, he did a great interview with Drew Hanlen back in July. And so it's one of those things. It's unexpected, intentional touches. And I'm not saying this to impress any of you, it's to impress upon the point. I share this with the 12 person team, $7 billion, for one of the most major companies in the world. Okay. That organization has what's called a health test for their teams. Based upon culture, based upon all kinds of different aspects of what makes a team great in this organization. That team ended up having the highest health score in the world. And the leaders attributed it to, you helpes us slow down and just love on our people. And that's what the world needs. And so many organizations, it's like, I need you to work I need you to work. Forget about COVID, forget about racial injustice. No, it's like, let's have conversations about racial injustices. Let's have conversations about COVID. Let's have conversations about your feelings. Let me understand you. Because if I'm unwilling to understand you, how likely are you to want to go to war with me? It's not gonna happen. kevin edwards 25:12 Ben, that's so well put. And I think that we talked about that a lot. A lot of CEOs come on the show and say, you know, we want to put the humanity back in the business. That's something that it's just really hard to do. And as you get bigger-- Ben Newman 25:24 Can I say something real quick? I don't want to miss this. I'm politely interrupting you. Those to me, those are canned words, right? It's like, okay, those are your words. Let me have a conversation with your action. Because when I have a conversation with your action, I really find out what your beliefs are, and how bad you really want it. And so, oftentimes, we hear somebody say that, but they forget to put the action behind it. kevin edwards 25:50 Definitely, and I think a lot of the businesses do a good job that we have on the show. These are certified B Corporations. Ben Newman 25:57 Oh, absolutely. kevin edwards 25:59 Their whole business model is basically just that people are not another number. They're not a line item. And then they invest in those people heavily. But yeah, you're absolutely. And I've interviewed plenty of guests on the show that say those words, like I just said, as well, that you know, don't really resonate with an actual employee. But you know, at the end of the day, I think that's something that is missing. And one thing I was curious about, Ben, is, I think what you're explained to me as well, is, you know, as these businesses get bigger and bigger, there's almost like become like less leadership and more management. To you, what is the difference between a leader and a manager, a coach, and an assistant, or something like that? What is the difference to you? Ben Newman 26:45 Yeah, so the difference is, and I'll give you another real world example, right? And so much is just what I've learned in my life. So I've now developed, it's like a circle of leadership, okay, not a circle of management. And it starts with Purpose up at the top, and then it's got Process and then it's got Reframe. So I always encourage leaders, and this is what I've just learned over the time from being led by amazing leaders, is how--and this is all gonna sound like I'm being redundant, but it all pulls together--start with the purpose. Do you understand the purpose of the people that you lead? Right? We're starting here, you got to understand the purpose first, then help them identify the process. We all know what we need to do on a daily basis to be great. I could ask every single person listening right now, what do your best days look like? What do you have to show up and do? Right? And we know what those things are, we just may not be showing up as consistently as we need to doing them. And those days where we fall short, we don't get the results we want, you have to reframe. And the reframing is our ability to focus on solutions rather than problems. And one of the greatest ways that a leader--managers may struggle with this--but a leader is going to understand, okay, I know what Ben's purpose is. So if Ben is struggling, I'm going to reconnect him back to his purpose to get him back on the cycle of leadership. So taking you back when I was a financial adviser, one of the greatest leaders I've ever known, his name is John Qualley. And he was leading our financial services organization in St. Louis, Missouri, Fortune 100 firm. We were number one in the United States against L.A., Chicago, New York. Number one, made no sets, but this guy was the greatest leader ever. And I remember, I'd call him, I'd scheduled an hour on his calendar. I was so upset. I couldn't even tell you what I was upset about. Right? And I schedule an hour, I walk into his office. He says, "Ben, have a seat. What are we talking about today?" And I just go off for three minutes. I mean, I'm just reading him the riot act. I'm so upset about this. And he looks at me after three minutes and he goes, "Hey, Ben, let me ask you a question. What do you think your mother would want you to do right now?" And I looked at him, and I stood up from the chair, I said, "Meeting's over, I'm going back to work." But he knew, he's like, you are moaning--your mom came to the dinner table with an IV stand and you're moaning--I don't even remember what the issues were--you're moaning about these insignificant circumstances. You are tougher than this. What would your mother want you to do? And I got up and I said, "John, that's exactly what I needed." So he got 57 minutes of his time back, right? But he knew my heart. He knew my fire. He knew how I was connected. And oftentimes, as leaders, we have to ask ourselves, do we really understand the people that we're leading? Because if not, you're skipping the heart part. you're skipping the purpose part. And then you're just a manager. If you're managing somebody to tasks, right, this person needs to do this. That's not leadership that's managing somebody to a task, and you're probably struggling with people underperforming right now. kevin edwards 29:41 A lot of people watching this may have just lost their jobs. I know we all know people who lost their jobs, we all know people that have had something that just happened during this quarantine. Ben Newman 29:51 Hold on, no, no, no, don't trip on anything behind you. Just change your process and make it better. Go to your boss and say I'm gonna work on these issues. I don't want anybody getting fired. kevin edwards 30:01 Well, I'm just curious. You know, a lot of people are going through a hard time right now. And, you know, I think that's really good advice, kind of just what you said, kind of take a pause, reset, reframe. Now, what works for you? I mean, you said you're doing this on a daily basis. You've got this down to a tee, you're building your habits. The burn is continuing. I mean, how do you continue and sustain something like this? Ben Newman 30:25 Well, first off, I have two coaches. You know, I mentioned that briefly and quickly earlier, but I maintain it by not trying to do it by myself. I've had a paid coach since I was 25 years old. So I'm 41 now, so for the last 16 years, no different than I had a coach playing sports growing up, right? So you have a coach. So I have people that help me, hold me accountable, get me up off the mat of life on the days that I don't want to do it. Just because this is the work that I do doesn't mean I don't have bad days. I struggle. I have pain. I know how to connect to my burn. I can bounce back quicker than most. But I have two coaches and I'm reading books every day. So for me, if I'm constantly focused on improvement, and I'm constantly focused on connecting to my burn to make my mother proud, to be a great example for my children, to be the best husband that I can be, those are things that are all in my control. And for me, success for all of us is to look in the mirror at the end of the day and say, today, I gave it my very best. And if I can look in the mirror at the end of the day and say today, I gave it my very best, nobody can ever take that away from me. And I can't ask any more of myself than my very best. kevin edwards 31:30 Ben, you mentioned purpose. You said, start with the why, start with the purpose in your model. Now, how does one come across their purpose? Is it something that they know they only know? Is it something that comes from a higher being, a higher purpose, like you talked about in your podcasts with John Gordon? Where do you think the purpose comes from? Ben Newman 31:51 Well, you know, for some of us who have been through pain, you know, it's kind of right there in front of you. You lived it, you connect to it, you understand it. Very common question. And typically, let's say to a college football player that I work with that does not go on to play in the NFL, right? Little tidbit of information: most guys don't go on to play in the NFL. Right? So I may have a relationship with a young player, I'm gonna help him get an interview in an organization. So I always encourage people, grab your future, bring it to today. What are the things that you want for your future? You want a family? Because it's easy, right? If you're a young girl who's just graduating college, you're a young guy just graduating college, it's easy to go, I don't know what my purpose is. Okay, then grab your future. Bring it today. Let's figure out, what exactly is it that you want? What type of life do you want to lead? And then what does that person do on a daily basis? And how do you have to live? What does your purpose have to be to achieve all those things? And a lot of times the things we want in the future, help us find clarity on what our purpose is, or the reason why we want to take the necessary action to have the things that we want in the future. kevin edwards 32:59 Powerful advice, Ben. I just want to appreciate you coming on this show. We've talked about a lot today. Started with the burn. Thanks for giving me the aloe tip. I appreciate that, might need to use it soon. My face is in so much pain right now. It's not even funny. But I learned a lot. I mean, I really like your point of view, your perspective. I like how you view, opportunity and despair. Just so many good insights on this podcast and the first ever LinkedIn Live. So let's bring this full circle. Now, Ben, to you, what is your definition of a real leader? Ben Newman 33:34 I think a real leader is a person who is an example. Right? So leaders that I work with are, for me, I want to remind myself, be the example. You know, I think so often times a leader, you know, attempts to lead they say they want to, but go be the example. Right? And the greatest life lesson I ever learned, it came from my mom, it's not how long you live. It's how you choose to live your life. And the very best way leaders inspire people to take action, but they give people an example of what they can become. kevin edwards 34:07 Wise words from Ben Newman. Ben, appreciate your time. Now where can people find more information about the continued fight? Ben Newman 34:14 @continuedfight on Instagram. That is our handle as well as on Twitter. That's probably where I'm most active on social media. You can also, our website is benewman.net. And also there's what we call the "unrequired mindset," people can learn about that at theunrequired.com. And The Unrequired--this is something I don't want to miss--The Unrequired, it's what other people can't see, they won't talk about, they won't do, that high performers choose to make a priority. So the highest performers they're willing to do extra, they're willing to do the unrequired. So I'd love to stay connected with all of you to keep you connected to that Unrequired in your life to get you to the next level. kevin edwards 34:15 Love it, Ben. Again, thanks for coming on at LinkedIn live for the first time, an unexpected, intentional touch, from Real Leaders to our audience. For Ben Newman, I'm Kevin Edwards asking you to go out there, inspire people, be the example and always folks, keep it real. Thanks, Ben. Ben Newman 35:16 Thank you. kevin edwards 35:17 And if you want to be an example today, leave a review, folks. That's right, leave a review. 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